Mellon Collie and the Infinite Sadness
The sun’s weak rays pointlessly hit my window as my room stays cold and dark. It cannot break my night. Dawn has come and my ever-wondering life continues. How do I know if those are really sun rays if I cannot see the sun at this time? People have told me to just believe they are because time is never time at all, but I cannot be certain.
Another day has come, another day of being empty and forgotten. All I hear is silence outside my door as Mother is either at a bar somewhere, or in her room intoxicated with her night-life. Ignoring that, I dressed myself for school and awaited the school bus to appear in front of my house. It was not long before the bus’s horn broke the silence and meant it was time to go to that dreaded school. As I walked towards the bus, I noticed that Autumn had begun. Leaves of varying colors were scattered everywhere. Walking by it, something caught my eye. I saw myself in those fallen leaves. The reddish brown leaves imitated my auburn hair and the few green leaves were my eyes. It was as if I was the leaf cluster. Suddenly, a gust of wind blew them all away and I was no longer there. I heard the school bus rumble again and continued towards it.
The bus, as ordinary as always, took me to school through the same route, at the same speed, and at the same time. It was almost automatic. After arriving, I entered through two pale white doors and approached my first period classroom. It was English. The teacher was peculiar in that he not only dressed the same way every single day, but that he always gazed at me in a certain way as if I did not belong… as if I was not right. “Students, today I will assign a special project that is not to be handed in soon, but rather to become part of your daily lives,” Mr. Wellington said, interrupting my thoughts. The day felt warm but I was not. I could see the sky from the room’s small window. It was clear and the bluest it could be. No menacing cloud in sight that could--
“You are to write a journal in which you are going to describe your daily lives,” interrupted Mr. Wellington once more. So, he wants me to write my life on pieces of paper. I don’t know what to write about since I have no life. But I do have something to write about! I won’t deny the pain and the uncertainty that has become my life! Ring! Ring! The bell rang and class ended. The classroom emptied and I was left. I wanted to be alone, to flee from the school. And that I did.
It was now noon and time for me to escape this school who does not understand me. I wish they could speak to me in a language I can hear, but once again, as I walk through the hallways of despair towards the exit, the earth laughs beneath my feet and everything is cluttered in my world. I evacuated the school and began my walk to the forest near my house.
The Whakarewarewa Forest was now in sight as the day started to wind down. The green blurs were now taking on form and it became clearer that it was a forest. Bushes scratched my legs as I walked away from the designated forest path. Birds chirped and hares hopped. I sat down near a tree trunk, closed my eyes, and thought. Am I really loved? “No,” whispered a voice. Am I of any value to this world or am I something unavailing and reasonless; in which case is it better for me and for every other person that I not meddle or even exist? “Yes!” yelled little voices. I opened my eyes and was startled to find hares, birds, a small white deer, and a crow circling me. I’m not crazy, but where are these voices coming from if not from my mouth? “Your mother is an alcoholic and she doesn’t love you!” screamed a voice. “Yeah! You are worth nothing and you will never achieve that feeling of being understood, accepted, and loved!“ added another voice. That was it! Furry unleashed. I thrashed around and repeatedly struck the tree as the animals continued shouting at me. “I know I’m not anything! I lie just to be real!” I hollered. Blood was now covering my hands and arms, and it looked like a river streaming down my body. There will never be a change in my life. The animals fled from me as I continued thrashing around.
A drop of rain landed on my skin, and another one until I was soaked in water and no longer in my blood. It was now night-time, past twilight, as I headed home.
I entered the house and walked directly to my room. I thought about the class assignment as I watched the moon and the stars. Not a sound to be heard, I leaned on the windowsill and began writing by the moonlight and by the starlight. “I am Mellon Collie. What I seek I do not have and what I have I do not see. The world has betrayed me and my life has consumed me.”
My teacher gave me a B/B- ??? I think it was very unfair when other classmates did a poorer job and were grade a bit higher. I believe mine had symbolisms and similes that well-written..other classmates wrote a simple story.
The sun’s weak rays pointlessly hit my window as my room stays cold and dark. It cannot break my night. Dawn has come and my ever-wondering life continues. How do I know if those are really sun rays if I cannot see the sun at this time? People have told me to just believe they are because time is never time at all, but I cannot be certain.
Another day has come, another day of being empty and forgotten. All I hear is silence outside my door as Mother is either at a bar somewhere, or in her room intoxicated with her night-life. Ignoring that, I dressed myself for school and awaited the school bus to appear in front of my house. It was not long before the bus’s horn broke the silence and meant it was time to go to that dreaded school. As I walked towards the bus, I noticed that Autumn had begun. Leaves of varying colors were scattered everywhere. Walking by it, something caught my eye. I saw myself in those fallen leaves. The reddish brown leaves imitated my auburn hair and the few green leaves were my eyes. It was as if I was the leaf cluster. Suddenly, a gust of wind blew them all away and I was no longer there. I heard the school bus rumble again and continued towards it.
The bus, as ordinary as always, took me to school through the same route, at the same speed, and at the same time. It was almost automatic. After arriving, I entered through two pale white doors and approached my first period classroom. It was English. The teacher was peculiar in that he not only dressed the same way every single day, but that he always gazed at me in a certain way as if I did not belong… as if I was not right. “Students, today I will assign a special project that is not to be handed in soon, but rather to become part of your daily lives,” Mr. Wellington said, interrupting my thoughts. The day felt warm but I was not. I could see the sky from the room’s small window. It was clear and the bluest it could be. No menacing cloud in sight that could--
“You are to write a journal in which you are going to describe your daily lives,” interrupted Mr. Wellington once more. So, he wants me to write my life on pieces of paper. I don’t know what to write about since I have no life. But I do have something to write about! I won’t deny the pain and the uncertainty that has become my life! Ring! Ring! The bell rang and class ended. The classroom emptied and I was left. I wanted to be alone, to flee from the school. And that I did.
It was now noon and time for me to escape this school who does not understand me. I wish they could speak to me in a language I can hear, but once again, as I walk through the hallways of despair towards the exit, the earth laughs beneath my feet and everything is cluttered in my world. I evacuated the school and began my walk to the forest near my house.
The Whakarewarewa Forest was now in sight as the day started to wind down. The green blurs were now taking on form and it became clearer that it was a forest. Bushes scratched my legs as I walked away from the designated forest path. Birds chirped and hares hopped. I sat down near a tree trunk, closed my eyes, and thought. Am I really loved? “No,” whispered a voice. Am I of any value to this world or am I something unavailing and reasonless; in which case is it better for me and for every other person that I not meddle or even exist? “Yes!” yelled little voices. I opened my eyes and was startled to find hares, birds, a small white deer, and a crow circling me. I’m not crazy, but where are these voices coming from if not from my mouth? “Your mother is an alcoholic and she doesn’t love you!” screamed a voice. “Yeah! You are worth nothing and you will never achieve that feeling of being understood, accepted, and loved!“ added another voice. That was it! Furry unleashed. I thrashed around and repeatedly struck the tree as the animals continued shouting at me. “I know I’m not anything! I lie just to be real!” I hollered. Blood was now covering my hands and arms, and it looked like a river streaming down my body. There will never be a change in my life. The animals fled from me as I continued thrashing around.
A drop of rain landed on my skin, and another one until I was soaked in water and no longer in my blood. It was now night-time, past twilight, as I headed home.
I entered the house and walked directly to my room. I thought about the class assignment as I watched the moon and the stars. Not a sound to be heard, I leaned on the windowsill and began writing by the moonlight and by the starlight. “I am Mellon Collie. What I seek I do not have and what I have I do not see. The world has betrayed me and my life has consumed me.”
My teacher gave me a B/B- ??? I think it was very unfair when other classmates did a poorer job and were grade a bit higher. I believe mine had symbolisms and similes that well-written..other classmates wrote a simple story.