i know, i know, everyone says this, but i am entering a novel competition, so please help.
As i galloped through the rustic looking field, barefoot, I look in the distance to see something unusual.
The wind began to pick up violently, pushing my carmel colored hair into my face. As I squinted my eyes, hard, to figure out what the object was the debris started flying
I ran toward the object and lifted it above my head, not knowing what I was doing, i threw the strange thing hard to the ground. I continued to run through the never ending field, singing in my high pitched tone.
Once I reached the rustic ending of the field I heard a loud screeching noise and i turned swiftly around. Soon to my knowledge, I saw the thing levitating . The wind continued to be fierce, but soon got ferocious with rage, debris flying everywhere, nearly knocking me to the sunken ground. I saw my house just beyond the tree line, and I began to sprint as fast as my legs would allow me too.
I caught my breath at the big oak tree that I used to play around as a little girl. Once I managed to breathe normally again, a large, hefty branch came crashing down, almost crushing my petite body.
What is going on, I thought as the wind continued to blow my, now crazy, hair. I continued to run when I tripped over something. I fell hard onto the muddy ground, and continued falling, it felt like a never ending plunge. I soon realized that I had stumbled across a sink hole.
All I could see was black, all I could hear was loud, noisy screaming.
"AHHHH," I yelled as I woke up on a bus, heading back from a soccer game.
The whole bus just turned and laughed at me. It was the second most embarrassing thing that could have ever happened to me.
"Amber, you need to start having happy dreams," My best friend, Caramia, teased lightly punching me on the arm.
I threw my head under my hands, embarrassed. The bus halted to a quick stop.
"Who just screamed?" Mrs. Perry, the bus driver yelled.
I didn't want anyone to get into any trouble, so, I owned up
"That was me, im sorry, it wont happen again. I just had a scare," I sank down into my seat
The bus diver grimaced and went to heat the bus up again.
"Amber, what's wrong lately? You keep waking up screaming,"
"Well, there is something wrong," I looked outside the window of the bus.
Caramia raised her eyebrow indicating that I needed to tell her.
"My parent's are getting a divorce and I might have to move with my dad, Pittsburgh," I kept decreasing the sound of my voice so that the last few words, barely vocalizing the last bit.
Please rate it, even if you hate it, i still have a lot to write, so please critique it
thank you
As i galloped through the rustic looking field, barefoot, I look in the distance to see something unusual.
The wind began to pick up violently, pushing my carmel colored hair into my face. As I squinted my eyes, hard, to figure out what the object was the debris started flying
I ran toward the object and lifted it above my head, not knowing what I was doing, i threw the strange thing hard to the ground. I continued to run through the never ending field, singing in my high pitched tone.
Once I reached the rustic ending of the field I heard a loud screeching noise and i turned swiftly around. Soon to my knowledge, I saw the thing levitating . The wind continued to be fierce, but soon got ferocious with rage, debris flying everywhere, nearly knocking me to the sunken ground. I saw my house just beyond the tree line, and I began to sprint as fast as my legs would allow me too.
I caught my breath at the big oak tree that I used to play around as a little girl. Once I managed to breathe normally again, a large, hefty branch came crashing down, almost crushing my petite body.
What is going on, I thought as the wind continued to blow my, now crazy, hair. I continued to run when I tripped over something. I fell hard onto the muddy ground, and continued falling, it felt like a never ending plunge. I soon realized that I had stumbled across a sink hole.
All I could see was black, all I could hear was loud, noisy screaming.
"AHHHH," I yelled as I woke up on a bus, heading back from a soccer game.
The whole bus just turned and laughed at me. It was the second most embarrassing thing that could have ever happened to me.
"Amber, you need to start having happy dreams," My best friend, Caramia, teased lightly punching me on the arm.
I threw my head under my hands, embarrassed. The bus halted to a quick stop.
"Who just screamed?" Mrs. Perry, the bus driver yelled.
I didn't want anyone to get into any trouble, so, I owned up
"That was me, im sorry, it wont happen again. I just had a scare," I sank down into my seat
The bus diver grimaced and went to heat the bus up again.
"Amber, what's wrong lately? You keep waking up screaming,"
"Well, there is something wrong," I looked outside the window of the bus.
Caramia raised her eyebrow indicating that I needed to tell her.
"My parent's are getting a divorce and I might have to move with my dad, Pittsburgh," I kept decreasing the sound of my voice so that the last few words, barely vocalizing the last bit.
Please rate it, even if you hate it, i still have a lot to write, so please critique it
thank you