When is the right time to have kids?
- Thread starter AlexisInfectious®
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seancaliguire
New member
In my case, we had our first kid when I inadvertently got my then-girlfriend-now-wife pregnant at age 24. Was I "ready"? Who knows, but ready or not, that baby was coming in nine months. Worked out just fine for us though.
There is no right or wrong time and each to their own. Some kids are planned, some not, but either way you always manage to cope. There though lies the rub, do you just want to cope?
Maybe it would be better to get keep the career path moving until such time you can afford to slow down and dedicate the time children require. I am a firm believer that there would be a lot less trouble with kids if us parents devoted more time to them, because time is all they want from you.
If I could give one piece of advice (I have 4 kids) it would be to make sure you and your wife are in a very stable loving relationship, as kids definately can drive a wedge between you.
Another decision that has to be made is does one of you give up work to look after the child?
Absolutely dismiss anyone who says "oh you should have kids, why have you not done so, oh you must". Even if it is your family. Your life, your choice.
Maybe it would be better to get keep the career path moving until such time you can afford to slow down and dedicate the time children require. I am a firm believer that there would be a lot less trouble with kids if us parents devoted more time to them, because time is all they want from you.
If I could give one piece of advice (I have 4 kids) it would be to make sure you and your wife are in a very stable loving relationship, as kids definately can drive a wedge between you.
Another decision that has to be made is does one of you give up work to look after the child?
Absolutely dismiss anyone who says "oh you should have kids, why have you not done so, oh you must". Even if it is your family. Your life, your choice.
glamrousenatasha
New member
Before I started breeding, I didn't have a maternal bone in my body when it came to other people's kids. The other posters in this thread are right when they say 'your own are different'. I can deal with other people's offspring now, but before I had mine I'd run a mile rather than hold someone else's newly produced progeny. Scary, noisy, smelly, unpredictable things! Plus there was always the fear of dropping the wretched creatures.......
When my eldest was born, I was scared to pick him up for the first 24 hours (I'm a short-arse and couldn't reach into his crib to get a secure enough hold on him. That's one-size-fits-all hospital-issue equipment for you). Once I got the hang of it though, everything fell into place. I was no longer just me, I was someone's mum. Sounds scary to a non-parent, I know, but it really isn't when you are a parent......
Ap Oweyn is far more poetic than I am (ditto Christopher Hitchens, thanks for the quote PASmith) but they are correct about how one's perspective changes when one becomes a parent. The child becomes one's life, and it feels absolutely right.
Others have said this earlier in the thread, but I'll say it again. Don't wait "until the time is right" - it never will be. There will always be another financial commitment, another career move to take into consideration, and before you know it you'll be desperately scrabbling around to fund another round of IVF before your wife's biological clock runs out completely. I'm not saying "breed NOW!", just think about it now, seriously, if you know you both want children.
My first pregnancy was unplanned and totally unexpected, but it made us think seriously about what we wanted. If it hadn't happened, I might not have children now. And that really doesn't bear thinking about.
When my eldest was born, I was scared to pick him up for the first 24 hours (I'm a short-arse and couldn't reach into his crib to get a secure enough hold on him. That's one-size-fits-all hospital-issue equipment for you). Once I got the hang of it though, everything fell into place. I was no longer just me, I was someone's mum. Sounds scary to a non-parent, I know, but it really isn't when you are a parent......
Ap Oweyn is far more poetic than I am (ditto Christopher Hitchens, thanks for the quote PASmith) but they are correct about how one's perspective changes when one becomes a parent. The child becomes one's life, and it feels absolutely right.
Others have said this earlier in the thread, but I'll say it again. Don't wait "until the time is right" - it never will be. There will always be another financial commitment, another career move to take into consideration, and before you know it you'll be desperately scrabbling around to fund another round of IVF before your wife's biological clock runs out completely. I'm not saying "breed NOW!", just think about it now, seriously, if you know you both want children.
My first pregnancy was unplanned and totally unexpected, but it made us think seriously about what we wanted. If it hadn't happened, I might not have children now. And that really doesn't bear thinking about.
Izzydawizzy
New member
Some really sage replies here. Thanks y'all. It's odd because my wife and I are a paradox to all of our friends - we've been married the longest yet want kids the latest (if ever) whereas our friends all got married in the last 1-2 years and are popping out kids like there is no tomorrow. My wife and I came to the conclusion that if we haven't had biological children by the time we're 35, we'll adopt when we're good and ready to become parents.
My wife and myself are also both very carreer driven. She wants to become a lawyer, I have a few options I want to persue as well but I'm not so hard charged in one area just yet. Both of us agree that starting towards our 30's is a better option. A child is a financial and emotional responsibility (not burden). Although I'm confident we can deal emotionaly, and financially, it's not yet at the level we want for our kids. I don't want my kid having a normal life. I want to be able to expose them to a lot, and that takes financial backing. Since my wife and I want a lot out of our lives it wouldn't be fair to a child in my opinion to have them and still have a much stronger focus on our carreers and life path then with them. We also don't feel it's fair to ourselves to want to have carreers and then have children so have to give up our wants for them (because we would). So that said, we're planning for later on in life as well but keep an open mind because if it happens it happens.
I want to be able to give them that. What I meant by financial backing was having the money to give them teachers to speak other languages while they're young, for good music classes or martial arts classes or whatever they enjoy doing as a kid and be able to give them the best. Material wise I don't really care. I would rather them have little but get the best education possible and that takes money. We want them to have both. A better childhood then what both my wife and I had and much more opportunity. We also don't want to have to work all the time so we can spend time with them, and both want to have our own carreers which takes time to establish. Not seeing the problem?
LaylaLillyLorelai
Member
So says the man that put his son seemingly through every martial arts class going!
Not just martial arts. At 5 he was racing his quad around the local track, he could also ride a motorbike quite well. He wasn't that bad at golf by 10 but all those pro-lessons were bound to have paid off. He's reasonably good at White-water kayaking and dinghy sailing (he owns a small navy). He loves to ski, football & cricket with the school and was just about to start flying lessons (paragliding) when the little bugger ran away. That was two years ago next month
MikeWindsor
New member
all you can do is try to have the best relationship possible while you're still here.
i think about this all the time. i'll be 60 when my youngest is 20.
i think about this all the time. i'll be 60 when my youngest is 20.
dekkerman2002
New member
i'm literally counting down the days when my oldest starts judo. poor kid...he's 20 months old! the local judo club starts letting kids in at 6. it's ok though...got a plan. osoto gari! again! again! again!
So many things to learn, so little time.
I'm happy that there aren't many situations out there that he's not going to be comfortable in. He had the best GCSE results of the boys in his school and great manners. He can take a joke and gets on with everyone. What more can you do eh?
I'm happy that there aren't many situations out there that he's not going to be comfortable in. He had the best GCSE results of the boys in his school and great manners. He can take a joke and gets on with everyone. What more can you do eh?
lhottllipsl
New member
My parents and grandparents paid for my schooling. My parents paid for the down payment for my first home, and my car. They have sent tens of thousands of dollars per year to help pay for my son's autism therapy.
Some would say this makes me a spoiled brat. I say it makes me realize that families are a team who always can be counted on to help each other. I fully intend on doing for my children and grandchildren what my parents and grandparents did for me.
Some would say this makes me a spoiled brat. I say it makes me realize that families are a team who always can be counted on to help each other. I fully intend on doing for my children and grandchildren what my parents and grandparents did for me.