When is the right time to have kids?

[raineelove]

Thank you! My parents paid for my university degree too. And my brother's. And we're not spoiled brats.

My parents (and me) arehelping my uncle's graddaughter by letting her stay with us while she completes a work term in the city. She is from an hours away, and would have to pay rent otherwise. Helping people does not make them spoiled brats. Giving your kid something does not necessarily a spoiled brat make either.

 

[LetzGetFree]

I would say have more than two but less than five.

 

[IH8THEEVILEMPIRE]

Thats good i am happy that you have that relationship with your family, i have none so you are more fortunate then most or me.

 

[Scoring]

So now that we have diverted to this conversation i will enter into it regarding how i was disciplined as a child.

Very English and very religious they said spar the rod spoil the child which means beat them with a stick for anything that they have done wrong in their mind.

Or a wooden spoon, or a bamboo whip, or go to the tree and get abranch so i can beat you with it, or go to the wardrobe and get me a belt and if it is a fat one i will give you six more.

Lay across the bed pull your pants down put your hands in front and now i will whip you with a cane across your legs and ass and if you put your hands across your ass to try and stop the pain i will whip you six times more every time that you do it.

I hate my my parents for doing that to me, children make mistakes and they always will abusing them will never work you have to sit down and talk to them.

I have as a teenager locked myself in the toilet to get away from being bashed but i do not let this flow into my life now i would never hit a child because i know.

 

[jtgsrs]

Very English in the 1950's. Doesn't and hasn't been an English way of bring up children for a long time. Feel for you though, can't have been easy

 

[nonameplease]

I know it was the old way im just saying how it was and how it should be now. I live with it, i learn from it, i deal with it.

 

[SexyArmyWife]

I'm so sorry your parents behaved like morally diseased apes. I am pissed as all hell just reading this. I swear if I ever see someone abuse a child like that I'm messing their face up for it and I'll stand up in court and proudly plead guilty.

I'm glad you had the courage not to be an abuser yourself. You have great respect from me.

 

[Techie2014]

Getting switched sucks! I never would go and get the branch myself though.

 

[Rikitikitavi]

jeez that sucks. I dont love my parents for other reasons but at least they apologized for using corporal punishment on me when i was a child. They're pretty anti corporal punishment today. I know how it was.

Wish they'd aplogize for the other wrongs they done me though.

 

[AngelicaB]

It is a huge commitment and responsibility. Sorry to say this, but some people are never ready for it. I see hundreds of children a week in my teachings, and it breaks my heart when I hear a parent say "you will never get to black belt because you are stupid", or some such wording. That person should never have had children. I hear things like this all the time, and it is no wonder many of our children suffer from low self-esteem.

 

[Karmel]

'When is the right time to have kids?'

No one can answer that except you and your wife. Only you know when you're ready.

 

[daryl]

I've seen it a couple of ways so hopefully this might help a little. If you're career driven, think about what effects having kids will have on both of your careers if you have kids after your careers are well-established. Bosses aren't always fond of non-parents who become parents and you could lose the status of Mr. or Ms. "Go To" real fast. Another thing to think about is that one of you may have to take a break from work for a while during the pre-daycare age range. And that doesn't do anyone's career a lot of good, either.

From a health standpoint, the older you guys get, the more issues your wife and/or the baby or babies may run into. Make sure you both know your family health histories well beforehand, too, to make sure there aren't any dormant auto-immune issues you don't want sneaking up on your baby.

Personally, I'd say have as many babies as you want to have while you're building experience and resumes toward the ideal job. That way, your kid(s) can already be potty-trained and in daycare by the time your experience and resumes earn you both your dream jobs. Besides, my personal experience has been that employers don't really start taking you seriously until after 30 and I've not met many entrenched managers who don't have kids. Kids can hone you in ways that can help make you a much more effective manager.

Anyway, just a couple o' cents there. Hope they're worth something for you and your wife. Good luck!

 

[TechN9ne]

when i was going to university my mom always told me I didnt belong there because i never got A's when she thinks I should have got them and when I didnt get a great mark, even if I worked she said I just never tried hard enough.

My parents helped contribute to my low self esteem I always had since I was a kid. And it continued like that when I grew up and went to university. I was never allowed to even use any internet at home or anything because i 'wasnt working hard enough'

When I graduated though my average is a B for my whole degree. Is that someone who doesnt belong there?

Also in response to whatyou said, it always infuriates me that at times you need a reference and stuff to adopt a kitten but anyone can have kids.

 

[quyiala]

Well if didn't or took to long i would cop it twice as bad i didn't realy have a choice.

My Partners Cousin ended up in hospital to get his moms stiletto removed from his scull.

 

[crystal~lily]

I must be a crazy person in the company of other crazy people. Where I'm at we all sit around and laugh about this stuff and see who got it the worse when we were kids. I've been chased down in the woods and beat with a 2x4 and have no ill will towards my parents for doing it. Sure there are things I don't agree with that happened to me, or other people from stories I've heard them tell but it's not something I carry inside at all. To me it's actually kind of funny, something to share in common with the other abused children and laugh about. Forgive and let go man.

To be honest the thing I resent most about my parents is not letting me watch Care Bears when I was a kid because it "promoted eastern religion." I even have a Care Bear now in pure resentment and beligerance, it's purple with heart lollipops on the stomach.

That said I understand that child abuse can go way too far and I'm not a completely callaused individual.

 

[S|NN3R`]

The "right time" is when DON'T see kids anymore "as being an emotional and financial burden, like an anchor that ties you down."

 

[TitoBob]

By the time my old man started in on this sort of thing, it was usually after he had already been at me with his fists anyway. Nor was it as if it was going to stop there, so I figured, why bother? These weren’t punishments either though; he was just an abusive drunk. If he had a bad day, then I had a bad day. That said, he doesn’t drink anymore, and for the most part we get along well enough now. (I went to live with my grandparents for a while, then out on my own from there, so having been away from it for so long makes it seem… Less real? Not so bad? I don’t know, just less…..)




Never had a stiletto in my skull though.

 

[Vamp_Girl_Kay]

Good for you not everybody is the same so if you don't understand then don't bother trying to understand just be silent.

 

[Froggie]

I'm a proud dad of a little boy and it turns out Mrs. Kuma is expecting again, so there'll be two sets of feet running around the house and tearing apart our things here soon. My wife and I talked about it and we both decided it was time to give it a go. We were more than well off financially, and since we're against day care we could work it so she could be a stay at home mom and take care of our son.

I read all the books and was excited like a lot of dads-to-be are, but like ap Oweyn said, meeting them for the first time is a huge change in our mindset. Before it used to be all about us. Now it's all about him first. And I'm perfectly fine with that. Though the first few months are filled with insomnia, crying, bottles, dirty diapers, poops that make the bathrooms at Grand Central Station smell pleasant, teething, more crying, and more dirty diapers, it can definitely be a lot of fun. You will laugh at some of the grossest things known to man, gain reflexes like a cheetah, and the first time that kid smiles at you it's all worth it. Kuma Jr's charging around the house now tearing the place apart like the Tasmanian Devil, blabbering gibberish, and already has his first scar from when he charged my wife's cedar chest and speared it with his forehead. Sadly the cedar chest won. Though it definitely takes away a lot of your free time, it's also a blast in its own way. Obviously we wanted to do it again, so Kuma the Third is on the way.

It's all in what you make of it. Some people like staying just a couple and living life like an adventure, able to do what you want when you want. Raising kids is another kind of adventure. Not as glamorous, but still very rewarding.

 

[JennaJames]

I think I shall live vicariously through this thread and all you parents out there.