Why is it that God refuses to STOP sending you animals when you make up your mind you are NOT going to do rescue work anymore????? Why does he overcome obstacles on your behalf and leave you no choice but to take them? I say "I can't" and it's as if he says "oh yes you can, and you WILL."
I haven't hand fed ANYTHING in about seven months. I couldn't do it anymore. For some reason the hurt just got to be too much and I couldn't deal with it. The other reason is because I'm single now, with a small child, and I just couldn't afford it, ya know? I would never compromise their health and not having funds limits my ability to do what's best for them at any cost. I recognized that.
I have five crates now sitting in my living room. I am still asking myself what happened. In these crates are five Mama cats who were starved nearly to death and trying to feed KITTENS! I do not know how any of them are alive. They are f'kin skeletons and I am fuming. Their "first" family were apparently meth addicts who didn't bother to feed these girls at all.
I have fourteen babies between 4 and 1 week of age, lined up in shoe boxes, with IV's. My 3+ year old...yes THREE...is running back and forth toting babies to their Mama's, IV's and all, because we're praying that Mama's will be able to produce milk with proper fluids and we don't want them not to go to their Mama's because they've been seperated. Remember I said I couldn't afford this anymore? Well God saw to it to fix that too. Eight hours before I got these girls and their children I pulled a check out of my mailbox for an insurance settlement I NEVER expected to ever see.
I believe that the power of God is an amazing thing. What I don't understand is why HE doesn't understand that I just can't take this anymore. It's hard to invest your entire heart and soul into these animals and then let them go. Sometimes they don't pull through, and it sickens me and weighs heavy on my heart. I can't keep them all, and then I feel guilty, as though I abandoned them when it was ME they counted on to be there. Why won't he just LET ME GO!!!!
And note that in between writing this I am presently making formula...preparing almost two dozen doses of meds, and getting ready to change IV bags. I do it out of habit, like breathing. I won't get any sleep for weeks...not with "1 weekers." Here I go. What do I have to do to get away, die out..like a gang member?
I haven't hand fed ANYTHING in about seven months. I couldn't do it anymore. For some reason the hurt just got to be too much and I couldn't deal with it. The other reason is because I'm single now, with a small child, and I just couldn't afford it, ya know? I would never compromise their health and not having funds limits my ability to do what's best for them at any cost. I recognized that.
I have five crates now sitting in my living room. I am still asking myself what happened. In these crates are five Mama cats who were starved nearly to death and trying to feed KITTENS! I do not know how any of them are alive. They are f'kin skeletons and I am fuming. Their "first" family were apparently meth addicts who didn't bother to feed these girls at all.
I have fourteen babies between 4 and 1 week of age, lined up in shoe boxes, with IV's. My 3+ year old...yes THREE...is running back and forth toting babies to their Mama's, IV's and all, because we're praying that Mama's will be able to produce milk with proper fluids and we don't want them not to go to their Mama's because they've been seperated. Remember I said I couldn't afford this anymore? Well God saw to it to fix that too. Eight hours before I got these girls and their children I pulled a check out of my mailbox for an insurance settlement I NEVER expected to ever see.
I believe that the power of God is an amazing thing. What I don't understand is why HE doesn't understand that I just can't take this anymore. It's hard to invest your entire heart and soul into these animals and then let them go. Sometimes they don't pull through, and it sickens me and weighs heavy on my heart. I can't keep them all, and then I feel guilty, as though I abandoned them when it was ME they counted on to be there. Why won't he just LET ME GO!!!!
And note that in between writing this I am presently making formula...preparing almost two dozen doses of meds, and getting ready to change IV bags. I do it out of habit, like breathing. I won't get any sleep for weeks...not with "1 weekers." Here I go. What do I have to do to get away, die out..like a gang member?