Live&&LetLivem™
New member
- Jan 7, 2009
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I was wondering if there's too much violence in the beginning of the story already... would you please read and critique the first three paragraphs and tell me what age would this be suitable for? Thanks 
Violet squeezed a lemon on her wound. “Ouch!” she cried. She knew that the golden lemon from the sacred tree would make her deep gash fade away. Yet, the golden lemon’s juice continued to burn her injured left arm.
“I must stop Lamora,” she muttered under her breath. There was no way she was going to leave the wicked witch dominate Honey-Golden Valley. It was enough the old seductive woman took over Violet’s hometown, Midascull. Violet was never going to leave her to conquer the charming valley. Everyone back home was depending on Violet’s special power. They all knew that Violet would be the only one who’d be able how to stand up against the most powerful, brutal witch of all times, Lamora.
“Please be strong,” she whimpered, as the blessed lemon juice eased the gash’s pain. The evil Lamora had had her pathetic, tiny goblins attack Violet over Molentaz Bridge, the bridge that led to Honey-Golden Valley. Violet had managed to slay them all with her sword, but the last goblin that stood rewarded her triumph by maiming her arm.
Also tell me your opinions, if you think it will be interesting or not...
****They all knew that Violet would be the only one who’d be able to stand up against the most powerful, brutal witch of all times, Lamora.****
Sorry for the useless *how* in there =P
Violet squeezed a lemon on her wound. “Ouch!” she cried. She knew that the golden lemon from the sacred tree would make her deep gash fade away. Yet, the golden lemon’s juice continued to burn her injured left arm.
“I must stop Lamora,” she muttered under her breath. There was no way she was going to leave the wicked witch dominate Honey-Golden Valley. It was enough the old seductive woman took over Violet’s hometown, Midascull. Violet was never going to leave her to conquer the charming valley. Everyone back home was depending on Violet’s special power. They all knew that Violet would be the only one who’d be able how to stand up against the most powerful, brutal witch of all times, Lamora.
“Please be strong,” she whimpered, as the blessed lemon juice eased the gash’s pain. The evil Lamora had had her pathetic, tiny goblins attack Violet over Molentaz Bridge, the bridge that led to Honey-Golden Valley. Violet had managed to slay them all with her sword, but the last goblin that stood rewarded her triumph by maiming her arm.
Also tell me your opinions, if you think it will be interesting or not...
****They all knew that Violet would be the only one who’d be able to stand up against the most powerful, brutal witch of all times, Lamora.****
Sorry for the useless *how* in there =P