Yet another lawyer...

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...joke....................................................................................... Two lawyers had been stranded on a desert island for several months. The only thing on the island was a tall coconut tree. Each day one of the lawyers would climb to the top to see if he could spot a rescue boat coming. One day the lawyer yelled down from the tree, "WOW, I just can't believe my eyes. There is a woman out there floating in our direction."The lawyer on the ground was most skeptical and said, "You're hallucinating; you've finally lost your mind." But within a few minutes, up to the beach floated a stunning redhead, face up, totally naked, unconscious, and without so much as a ring or earring on her person.The two lawyers went down to the water, dragged her up on the beach and discovered, yes, she was alive, warm and breathing.One said to the other, "You know, we've been on this God forsaken island for months now without a woman. It's been such a long, long time. So, do you think we should screw her?""Out of what?" the other lawyer responded.
 
He heh..More:These are from a book called Disorder in the American Courts, and are things people actually said in court, word for word, taken down and now published by court reporters who had the torment of staying calm while these exchanges were actually taking place.______________________________________ATTORNEY: Are you sexually active?WITNESS: No, I just lie there._____________________________________ATTORNEY: What is your date of birth?WITNESS: July 18th.ATTORNEY: What year?WITNESS: Every year._____________________________________ATTORNEY: What gear were you in at the moment of the impact?WITNESS: Gucci sweats and Reeboks.______________________________________ATTORNEY: This myasthenia gravis, does it affect your memory at all?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: And in what ways does it affect your memory?WITNESS: I forget.ATTORNEY: You forget? Can you give us an example of something you forgot?_____________________________________ATTORNEY: How old is your son, the one living with you?WITNESS: Thirty-eight or thirty-five, I can't remember which.ATTORNEY: How long has he lived with you?WITNESS: Forty-five years._____________________________________ATTORNEY: What was the first thing your husband said to you that morning?WITNESS: He said, "Where am I, Cathy?"ATTORNEY: And why did that upset you?WITNESS: My name is Susan.______________________________________ATTORNEY: Do you know if your daughter has ever been involved in voodoo?WITNESS: We both do.ATTORNEY: Voodoo?WITNESS: We do.ATTORNEY: You do?WITNESS: Yes, voodoo.___________________________________ATTORNEY: Now doctor, isn't it true that when a person dies in his sleep, he doesn't know about it until the next morning?WITNESS: Did you actually pass the bar exam?__________________________________ATTORNEY: The youngest son, the twenty-year-old, how old is he?WITNESS: Uh, he's twenty-one..______________________________________ATTORNEY: Were you present when your picture was taken?WITNESS: Would you repeat the question?_____________________________________ATTORNEY: So the date of conception (of the baby) was August 8th?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: And what were you doing at that time?WITNESS: Uh....______________________________________ATTORNEY: She had three children, right?WITNESS: Yes.ATTORNEY: How many were boys?WITNESS: None.ATTORNEY: Were there any girls?_____________________________________ATTORNEY: How was your first marriage terminated?WITNESS: By death.ATTORNEY: And by whose death was it terminated?______________________________________ATTORNEY: Can you describe the individual?WITNESS: He was about medium height and had a beard.ATTORNEY: Was this a male or a female?_____________________________________ATTORNEY: Is your appearance here this morning pursuant to deposition notice which I sent to your attorney?WITNESS: No, this is how I dress when I go to work. _____________________________________ATTORNEY: Doctor, how many of your autopsies have you performed on dead people?WITNESS: All my autopsies are performed on dead people.______________________________________ATTORNEY: ALL your responses MUST be oral, OK? What school did you go to?WITNESS: Oral.______________________________________ATTORNEY: Do you recall the time that you examined the body?WITNESS: The autopsy started around 8:30 p.m..ATTORNEY: And Mr. Denton was dead at the time?WITNESS: No, he was sitting on the table wondering why I was doing an autopsy on him!_____________________________________ATTORNEY: Are you qualified to give a urine sample?WITNESS: Huh?_____________________________________ATTORNEY: Doctor, before you performed the autopsy, did you check for a pulse?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: Did you check for blood pressure?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY Did you check for breathing?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: So, then it is possible that the patient was alive when you began the autopsy?WITNESS: No.ATTORNEY: How can you be so sure, Doctor?WITNESS: Because his brain was sitting on my desk in a jar.ATTORNEY: But could the patient have still been alive, nevertheless?WITNESS: Yes, it is possible that he could have been alive and practicing law.
 
Not funny dude. But I almost died when I read those sections from that american court book thing.
 
I like! Because it means one thing because they are lawyers, but us other sick minded ones think of it as the other thing.
 
Lawyer jokes suck, they always sound the same :(
 
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