Blissfullyoblivious
New member
- Jul 18, 2010
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So, this is basically what I'm doing: I'm taking this song, Breakeven by The Script (see below for the link), and I'm making a short story out of it. My idea is to describe two people and their journeys together over the course of a year. So, it'll show the progression of their relations (friendship to relationship to... you'll have to wait and see), but it'll be choppy and divided by months. I've written a little bit so far and I'm looking for opinions. Keep in mind that I'm testing out a different writing strategy: I'm writing as simply as possible (no pretty words, no metaphors, etc.) so the storyline has to support itself.
(Title) Pieces (or something along those lines)
One year. Just one year.
Twelve months.
We met in April. Ask me the date, I’ll tell you I forgot, but it’s just a lie. I remember the day, I remember the weather, I remember the time, but most of all, I remember you.
A business trip for my father’s company sent me to Massachusetts that March. “Marketing,” he said, “I want you to develop a stronger marketing strategy on the east coast.” With that, the next plane ticket for a seven o’clock flight to Boston and everything I own packed into a 28?x21? suitcase; I was off to fulfill my father’s wishes.
Late nights on my laptop, early meetings with corporate officials and, if you were lucky, a five minute break for lunch was the life I knew for six weeks. It was after those weeks, however, that my work in city known for its tea parties— my poor humor at its best —was complete and I would be returning to Southport.
It was a Friday morning. April 9th to be exact. I shuffled through my wallet, retrieved my ticket and handed it to the woman at the plane’s entrance. She was a plump woman. Mid-sixties, maybe early-seventies. Frail hair with streaks of blonde from her youth, gray from her stress and white from her age. She had a crooked smile, the perfect match for lazy eyes. To some, she’s a committed stewardess, but looking back at it now, she’s just another puzzle piece.
(That's just the introduction and the beginning of the actual story, but I've written my final line, so that's the next part).
Sometimes I laugh away the pain, but other times, I cry. This time, I cry. (End).
So, what do you think? All comments, revisions and suggestions are welcomed. Thanks!
P.S. The link to the song if you're interested:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dsfNLkwVyTE
(Title) Pieces (or something along those lines)
One year. Just one year.
Twelve months.
We met in April. Ask me the date, I’ll tell you I forgot, but it’s just a lie. I remember the day, I remember the weather, I remember the time, but most of all, I remember you.
A business trip for my father’s company sent me to Massachusetts that March. “Marketing,” he said, “I want you to develop a stronger marketing strategy on the east coast.” With that, the next plane ticket for a seven o’clock flight to Boston and everything I own packed into a 28?x21? suitcase; I was off to fulfill my father’s wishes.
Late nights on my laptop, early meetings with corporate officials and, if you were lucky, a five minute break for lunch was the life I knew for six weeks. It was after those weeks, however, that my work in city known for its tea parties— my poor humor at its best —was complete and I would be returning to Southport.
It was a Friday morning. April 9th to be exact. I shuffled through my wallet, retrieved my ticket and handed it to the woman at the plane’s entrance. She was a plump woman. Mid-sixties, maybe early-seventies. Frail hair with streaks of blonde from her youth, gray from her stress and white from her age. She had a crooked smile, the perfect match for lazy eyes. To some, she’s a committed stewardess, but looking back at it now, she’s just another puzzle piece.
(That's just the introduction and the beginning of the actual story, but I've written my final line, so that's the next part).
Sometimes I laugh away the pain, but other times, I cry. This time, I cry. (End).
So, what do you think? All comments, revisions and suggestions are welcomed. Thanks!
P.S. The link to the song if you're interested:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dsfNLkwVyTE