DDWitnessTruth
New member
- Aug 9, 2011
- 2
- 0
- 1
Why did the traffic light turn red? .......you would too if you had to change in the middle of the street. (im saying that when i go to contest my red light ticket)
Don
Member
- May 14, 2008
- 298
- 0
- 16
The Pope had just finished a tour of the Florida East Coast and was taking a limousine to the airport. Having never driven a limo, he asked the chauffeur if he could drive for a while.
Well, the chauffeur didn't have much of a choice, so he got in the back of the limo and the Pope took the wheel.He turned onto I-95 and accelerated to about 90 MPH.
WHAM!
The blue lights of the State Highway Patrol flashed in his rearview mirror.
He pulled over and a trooper came to his window.When the trooper saw
who it was, he said, "Just a moment, please, I need to call in."
The trooper radioed in and asked for the chief.
He said, "I have a REALLY important person pulled over and I need to know what to do."
The chief replied, "Who is it, not Ted Kennedy again?"
The trooper said, "No, even more important."
It isn't the Governor, Jeb Bush, is it?" asked the chief.
"No, even more important," replied the trooper.
"It isn't the President, George Bush, is it?"
"No, replied the trooper, "even more important.
"Well, WHO The HECK is it?!" screamed the chief.
The trooper responded :
"I don't know for sure but I think it might be Jesus, because his chauffeur is the Pope!"
......................................…
One day the king 3 loyal workers decided to spy the beautiful princess in her bath. Unfortunately they were caught in their act They brought to the king for judgement.
The king say " Since you were my loyal workers, I shall give you a chance. Go and bring me ten fruits of the same type which who found in my garden."
The first one came with 10 Bananas,
The king then order his servant to put the fruits in his a.s.s hole one by one and he was supposed not to make any sound.
.He remain quiet for the first 2 banana but jingle on the 3rd one so he was put in jail .
The second one came with 10 graphs. All was fine but began to laugh hardly on the 8th ones.
In the jail the first worker ask him" you could have pass the test easily, why had you laugh."
He replied " Yeah but I could not prevent myself from laughing when I saw the other one coming with 10 PINEAPPLE"
Once there was this old man who was lonely. So he went to the
pet store to get a dog. But they were out of dogs and weren't
going to get any more until the next millennium! So the man got a
parrot. But the store owner worried him. "The first 3 phrases
he hears and likes he will remember."
The man brought the parrot home and some boys were climbing in
the old man's tree. "Get down from there or I'll call the
police." said the old man. The kids said"Baloney, baloney,
baloney." and the parrot repeated it.
The next day the old man took his parrot rock climbing. Someone's
climbing partner fell into a hole and he yelled "get a rope pull
him up" and the parrot repeated it.
The next day the old man brought the parrot to a carnival. The
parrot heard someone yell, "Hit the black doll and win a prize."
and the parrot repeated it.
The next day was Sunday and the man brought the parrot to
church. The preacher began his preaching. "God lives up there."
"Baloney, baloney, baloney" yelled the parrot. The preacher
looked at him but continued. "The devil lives down there." And
the parrot yelled "Get a rope pull him up." The preacher threw
the Bible at the parrot but it hit a nun and the parrot yelled
"Hit a black doll and win a prize."
.............
A mother had 3 virgin daughters. They were all getting married within a short time period. Because Mum was a bit worried about how their sex life would get started, she made them all promise to send a postcard from the honeymoon with a few words on how marital sex felt.
The first girl sent a card from Hawaii two days after the wedding. The card said nothing but "Nescafe." Mum was puzzled at first, but then went the kitchen and got out the Nescafe jar. It said: "Good till the last drop." Mum blushed, but was pleased for her daughter.
The second girl sent the card from Vermont a week after the wedding, and the card read: "Benson & Hedges." Mum now knew to go straight to her husband's cigarettes, and she read from the Benson & Hedges pack: "Extra Long. King Size." She was again slightly embarrassed but still happy for her daughter.
The third girl left for her honeymoon in the Caribbean. Mum waited for a week, nothing. Another week went by and still nothing. Then after a whole month, a card finally arrived. Written on it with shaky handwriting were the words "British Airways." Mum took out her latest Harper's Bazaar magazine, flipped through the pages fearing the worst, and finally found the ad for British Airways. The ad said: "Three times a day, seven days a week, both ways."
Mum fainted.
Well, the chauffeur didn't have much of a choice, so he got in the back of the limo and the Pope took the wheel.He turned onto I-95 and accelerated to about 90 MPH.
WHAM!
The blue lights of the State Highway Patrol flashed in his rearview mirror.
He pulled over and a trooper came to his window.When the trooper saw
who it was, he said, "Just a moment, please, I need to call in."
The trooper radioed in and asked for the chief.
He said, "I have a REALLY important person pulled over and I need to know what to do."
The chief replied, "Who is it, not Ted Kennedy again?"
The trooper said, "No, even more important."
It isn't the Governor, Jeb Bush, is it?" asked the chief.
"No, even more important," replied the trooper.
"It isn't the President, George Bush, is it?"
"No, replied the trooper, "even more important.
"Well, WHO The HECK is it?!" screamed the chief.
The trooper responded :
"I don't know for sure but I think it might be Jesus, because his chauffeur is the Pope!"
......................................…
One day the king 3 loyal workers decided to spy the beautiful princess in her bath. Unfortunately they were caught in their act They brought to the king for judgement.
The king say " Since you were my loyal workers, I shall give you a chance. Go and bring me ten fruits of the same type which who found in my garden."
The first one came with 10 Bananas,
The king then order his servant to put the fruits in his a.s.s hole one by one and he was supposed not to make any sound.
.He remain quiet for the first 2 banana but jingle on the 3rd one so he was put in jail .
The second one came with 10 graphs. All was fine but began to laugh hardly on the 8th ones.
In the jail the first worker ask him" you could have pass the test easily, why had you laugh."
He replied " Yeah but I could not prevent myself from laughing when I saw the other one coming with 10 PINEAPPLE"
Once there was this old man who was lonely. So he went to the
pet store to get a dog. But they were out of dogs and weren't
going to get any more until the next millennium! So the man got a
parrot. But the store owner worried him. "The first 3 phrases
he hears and likes he will remember."
The man brought the parrot home and some boys were climbing in
the old man's tree. "Get down from there or I'll call the
police." said the old man. The kids said"Baloney, baloney,
baloney." and the parrot repeated it.
The next day the old man took his parrot rock climbing. Someone's
climbing partner fell into a hole and he yelled "get a rope pull
him up" and the parrot repeated it.
The next day the old man brought the parrot to a carnival. The
parrot heard someone yell, "Hit the black doll and win a prize."
and the parrot repeated it.
The next day was Sunday and the man brought the parrot to
church. The preacher began his preaching. "God lives up there."
"Baloney, baloney, baloney" yelled the parrot. The preacher
looked at him but continued. "The devil lives down there." And
the parrot yelled "Get a rope pull him up." The preacher threw
the Bible at the parrot but it hit a nun and the parrot yelled
"Hit a black doll and win a prize."
.............
A mother had 3 virgin daughters. They were all getting married within a short time period. Because Mum was a bit worried about how their sex life would get started, she made them all promise to send a postcard from the honeymoon with a few words on how marital sex felt.
The first girl sent a card from Hawaii two days after the wedding. The card said nothing but "Nescafe." Mum was puzzled at first, but then went the kitchen and got out the Nescafe jar. It said: "Good till the last drop." Mum blushed, but was pleased for her daughter.
The second girl sent the card from Vermont a week after the wedding, and the card read: "Benson & Hedges." Mum now knew to go straight to her husband's cigarettes, and she read from the Benson & Hedges pack: "Extra Long. King Size." She was again slightly embarrassed but still happy for her daughter.
The third girl left for her honeymoon in the Caribbean. Mum waited for a week, nothing. Another week went by and still nothing. Then after a whole month, a card finally arrived. Written on it with shaky handwriting were the words "British Airways." Mum took out her latest Harper's Bazaar magazine, flipped through the pages fearing the worst, and finally found the ad for British Airways. The ad said: "Three times a day, seven days a week, both ways."
Mum fainted.
DarryltheFish
New member
- Oct 16, 2011
- 2
- 0
- 1
knock knock
(now you say whos there)
the interrupting cow
(now you say the interrup-)
MOO!
(now you say whos there)
the interrupting cow
(now you say the interrup-)
MOO!