Can anyone create a poem from this wonderful piece of historical gossip?

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Sidewinder

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Reported by Captain Alexander Smith in The School of Venus.Circa 1716.

Nell Gwynn,lover and patron of King Charles II,on discovering a rival had been invited to the King's bed,entertained the woman to a pre-coital dinner where she doctored her meal with"physical ingredients".........The effect thereof had such an operation upon the harlot,when the King was caressing her in bed with the amorous sports of Venus,that a violent and sudden looseness obliged her ladyship to discharge her artillery.She made the King,as well as herself,in a most "lamentable pickle".

Oh,to have been a fly upon that particular wall.
 
This is so funny, I can't stop laughing. Talk about getting your own back.Hell hath no fury and all that. Beats cutting the legs of all his trousers or giving away his stock of fine wines. Indeed, oh what fun to have been a fly on the wall. Now it is going to take a skilled poet to create this work of art and get all the humour in. Sidewinder, you should have attempted it. I don't think I could do it justice. (lol)

Edit - I'd give it five stars if I could
 
This is so funny, I can't stop laughing. Talk about getting your own back.Hell hath no fury and all that. Beats cutting the legs of all his trousers or giving away his stock of fine wines. Indeed, oh what fun to have been a fly on the wall. Now it is going to take a skilled poet to create this work of art and get all the humour in. Sidewinder, you should have attempted it. I don't think I could do it justice. (lol)

Edit - I'd give it five stars if I could
 
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