Does this introduction for my paper seem like it's off to a good start?

StephanieB

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I am writing the introduction paragraph for a research paper for history class. Does this seem like its off to a good start so far?

While some have argued that Rome and China are unrelated, in reality, their cultures have significantly influenced each other. While China developed a new form of government, Legalism, Rome established a Republican form of government.


Can someone help maybe add a few sentences to this intro or give some recommendations? Also any ideas for my conclusion of the paper???!
I already wrote the body paragraphs, and yes they include information about the culture, and such.....
 
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