Does this sound fair to you (vent about lazy partner)?

[2girls1boyI]

He comes home, grabs his dinner, goes and sits on the couch, doesn't eat his dinner with me or our kids and he stays on the couch for the rest of the night expect for when he comes and tucks the kids in

This is what I do:
Sit with kids, make sure they eat their dinner
Get their pyjamas on (or help them do it) or bath them then get their pjs on
Brush their teeth
read them stories before bed
give baby a bottle, change his nappy (diaper)
do dishes
clean kitchen
clean table and highchair after dinner (sometimes the older kids will help with this)
fold clothes
mop floors
make lunches for the next day (for preschool and daycare)
tidy the house, wipe down walls that have dirty marks on them from kids' grotty hands
put toys away
deal with almost 3 year old sleeping dramas (she won't get to sleep til late at night despite being put to bed at 7:30pm)

While I do all this, he sits (no, LIES) on the couch all night watching sport or playing video games.

He does work mon to fri, but I work 24/7. I don't get breaks. My almost 3 year old is still awake, guess who has to go and keep putting her to bed? Me. He won't move from the couch. Even when I get really stressed and almost crying because I am exhausted he STILL won't help.

I am the one that gets up to the kids each night while he blissfully sleeps.

I am the one that takes them to the park while he lies on the couch all weekend (he does mow the lawns about every 3 weeks)

I don't know if it's fair. Why doesn't he help me???????????????

I would like to go back to work a few nights a week but so far every time I go out for a few hours, say on a friday or saturday night I come home and the house is a pigsty, he won't clean the house or at least tidy the place and when I ask him why he says that he is looking after the kids. Well, TWO of them have naps anyway and if I go out at night THREE of them are in bed so he doesn't even have to do much with them, just has to be home. Why can't he think to put some clothes away or mop the floors or do some dishes just like I have to every, single day????

It's beyond a joke! I'm sick of it.
To the first poster:

I DO work, being a mother is a 24/7 job that ANY mother would tell you. We don't get payed for it, we don't get breaks, no sick leave etc. I would love to go back to work just for a break. BUT we cannot afford daycare for 3 kids (two of them go to daycare every Thursday mornign for 3 hours, cost on $17 a week). I know he works hard at his job and is tired when he comes home BUT SO AM I. WE BOTH HAD KIDS, WE BOTH HAVE A HOUSE HE SHOULD F@CKING HELP ME JUST LIKE I WILL BE HELPING HIM IN A FEW YEARS WHEN I GO BACK TO WORK!!!!!!!!!!!!! HAVING A FULL TIME JOB DOES NOT EXCUSE HIM FOR NOT LIFTING A FINGER WITH HOUSEWORK OR SPENDING TIME WITH HIS OWN KIDS ESPECIALLY ON WEEKENDS WHEN HE DOES NOT WORK.
I have tried talking to him about this when I am calm and not angry and he might help for one day (not even a full day, he'll just do a couple of little things) and then it's back to square one.

There are plenty of people who work full time and still help with housework and spend time with their kids.
Alecia.

I totally agree with you. BUT I don't work yet, I would like to though but I am worried I will have to do everything when I get home even if I got home at midnight (I have been thinking about getting a night time job maybe in a supermarket or something when the kids will be asleep, maybe 7pm to 12pm)
I have mentioned coucelling, not just for this but other things and he thinks we don't need it. I also told him I was going to write up a chore list and he told me he'd just rip it up, I have also threatened to leave (I actually have a suitcase full of clothes just in case) if things dont change, that was about a month ago when I said that.
I do ask for help. BUT I shouldn't have to.

I mean, he isn't blind he can see their is stuff to do and he isn't deaf, he can hear the baby crying for a bottle.
He's 31 years of age, not 13. I am not his mother, I should not have to ask for help or tell him what to do when he can clearly see and hear for himself. I refuse to baby him. I already have 3 kids I do not need a man-child.
Willowmom: You're an idiot!!!!!!!!!!!

 

[TracyL]

Cook for the kids, do for the kids but stop doing ANYTHING for him. He is either part of that family or he's not. And if he doesn't pitch in he's not, so he's a roommate. So do nothing for him...it's that simple. So you just have to learn to live with the mess till he wakes up. If people come over explain why the house is a mess, be honest.

 

[Happyl2]

What does he say when you ask him for specific assistance? For example, if you asked, "Honey, would you please give the baby a bottle and change the diaper while I get the others ready for bed?" what would he say?

My guess is that you are not asking for exactly what you want when you want it, just complaining to him in general terms like you are here.

 

[DK41]

Because you have allowed him to do so and the longer you allow him to do so the hard it will be to state your case to him. "Why complain now?" is what he will be thinking.

You know we make our own beds then don't want to sleep in them.

You simply turn the dam t.v. off and if it were me I'd flip the damn couch over so that it was facing bottom up and leave a note on it saying "We need to talk". Then I would have a concise list of the things that were not working for me and our children and what it is I needed from him and what I wanted to do, or not do as the case my be.

There is no need to make a mountain out of a mole hill. It's called communication and understanding from both parties. If those two things can not be established then it is time for outside help such as a marriage counselor. If that fails then one has to determine if they are willing to put up with the BS or that it is time to move on.

Yeah I make it sound easy, but I too have been in your shoes and it is just that easy.