How can I identify sexual abuse?....my 3yr old neice is complaining of pain

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in her genital area.? Okay....so let me first say that I am not making accusations. My niece has made a comment to my mother and younger sister that concerns me. I need help interpreting what is going on. Any help is very much appreciated.

My niece approached my mother randomly in Dec. saying that her missy (vagina) hurt. My mom asked her why, she said "Daddy poked me and it was sharp". My mom then asked her where daddy poked her...she said "in my missy, I cried and daddy stopped." My mom then asked her the next day while watching her if her missy hurt. She said no, but did say that her daddy did hurt her missy with a sharp nail.

I have no idea what to make of all of this. My mother never said anything to my sister because at the time my moms relationship with my sister was rocky and she didn't want to make anything worse, or have my sister think that my mom was making false accusations or purposely causing problems.

My sister has made mention to both myself and my mom that her 3yr old daughter has been complaining for months (since Dec) about her genital area hurting. She also cries when urinating, and my sister has also discovered some sort of infection. My niece has also become more aggressive and hits things like the walls. She is generally a laid back child. I know that toddlers tend to throw fits when they don't get their way...but my sister has said that its been really bad. They don't discipline by spanking so she thinks that she may have picked this up from somewhere else. Maybe her aggression comes from having a new sister...she is 8mon old now. Any thoughts?

I am trying to think positive because I know my brother in law...he is a good father and is always nurturing to his children. This has been on going for 3 months now...what are the correct assumptions should I make? Im trying to think of my own child. He is 16 mon and he crys sometimes when I am changing him especially if he has a diaper rash. My niece has been semi potty trained now for a couple of months...so Im just not sure what to think.

My biggest fear is going to my sister...I DO NOT want to destroy a family over something that was misinterpreted...

......something that could have been something any parent has dealt with...such as diaper rash or accidentally scratching your child while changing them or bathing them. I couldn't imagine how it would feel if someone thought that myself or my husband was sexually abusing my son because he said his pee-pee hurt because i scratched him during a diaper change or something...let alone my sister thinking the worst.

I am heartbroken over this...and I really need some input. I am watching my niece next week and I want to gently ask her non-leading questions as to whats going on. Any Suggestions??? Realistically what else could be going on with her? Medically?

Thank you ~Concerned Aunt
 
Take her to a doctor!! I'm not fully sure..I've never had anyone say anything like that to me or anyone in my family about being touched like that, in the way, but to me it sounds sort of fuzzy there. I would deff take her to the doctors. And, about her mom(your sister, im assuming) I would try and keep it secret, at least until you know for sure what it is exactly.
 
This something you don't sit on if the child keeps telling you the same thing for three months. I am more concern for the child than anyone else feelings here. You need to talk to you sister and get this information to her. Also, take the child to the hospital to make sure she is not being abused.
 
i think its a yes because shes 3 and certainly should have her period yet and her dad should have no fudging reason to hurt her with a nail in her vigina just saying better do somthing about it
 
Take her immediately to her doctor for a physical examiniation!!! Tell the doctor of your fears and he/she can determine if she's been violated or not!!!
 
I think that it's great you are bing careful about this. I'd probably freak out and screw the whole thing over so congrats on keeping your cool. Here are some questions you can ask.

"Does your missy still hurt?"
"Did daddy hurt you on accident?"
"How did daddy hurt you?"
"Do you need help?"

Try giving her children's pain relive. That may help. I'm only thirteen and have never encountered a child that went through that sort of abuse, but I was molested when I was in the first grade by my teenage neighbor. I never told anyone and only hinted when things were really about to get out of hand. My parents still have no idea. My friends and I beat the crap out of the neighbor. He's in high school now and I'm in middle school but neither of us have forgotten. It's a hard thing to go through and it will randomly pop up in the future. I don't think that he is sexually abusing her if she has been telling you directly. Most children that suffer sexual abuse think that it's their fault and try to hide it. Only really brave ones will tell when they can no longer stand it. So she either is not being abused or it's getting worse... Yeah I'll shut up now and post the guides I found...

There are many reasons children do not disclose being sexually abused, including:
?? Threats of bodily harm (to the child and/or the child’s family)
?? Fear of being removed from the home
?? Fear of not being believed
?? Shame or guilt
If the abuser is someone the child or the family cares about, the child may worry about getting that
person in trouble. In addition, children often believe that the sexual abuse was their own fault and
may not disclose for fear of getting in trouble themselves. Very young children may not have the
language skills to communicate about the abuse or may not understand that the actions of the
perpetrator are abusive, particularly if the sexual abuse is made into a game.

Sexually abused children may also develop the following:

~unusual interest in or avoidance of all things of a sexual nature
~sleep problems or nightmares
~depression or withdrawal from friends or family
~seductiveness
~statements that their bodies are dirty or damaged, or fear that there is something wrong with them in the genital area
~refusal to go to school
~delinquency/conduct problems
~secretiveness
~aspects of sexual molestation in drawings, games, fantasies
~unusual aggressiveness, or
~suicidal behavior

Child sexual abusers can make the child extremely fearful of telling, and only when a special effort has helped the child to feel safe, can the child talk freely. If a child says that he or she has been molested, parents should try to remain calm and reassure the child that what happened was not their fault. Parents should seek a medical examination and psychiatric consultation.
 
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