How can I make peace with someone who is angry when they swear they aren't...

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Tonya

Member
...angry (lol)? I have made a new good friend but recently a new side of him has come to light. I have said things they made him angry but I didn't even know I had. So I get this odd defensive attitude until it comes to light that something I said an hour before was the problem.
Big problem: I say something like I didn't mean to aggravate you, make you angry etc. And he says "I'm not angry!" But you guys, HE IS. It's really obvious. So if I say nothing, I get the sh*tty attitude - if I try to fix things, he gets more angry. What the heck do I do?
 
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~laura~

New member
Don't say "make you angry" to a person you know is always angry and he will look for those kinds of justifications for that anger and accuse you if "making him angry" This is a cycle that will ultimately have to break starting with him. HE will have to see that HE IS angry and that this anger is trickling on to you.
When I was real angry, I was lucky to have a family that cared with tough love. They were stern. They showed they still care in many ways but they always kept their distance.
When his anger is handled and he wants to get closer to you he will. There is nothing more you can do thatn keep your distance, letting him know you won't be his little PUNCHING BAG!
 
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jimmyj

Member
Sex is the greatiest healing power i can think of to resolve this issue im sure once this hapins he will be alot less agravated with you.
 
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Alexis

Member
Hi Tonya,
Instead of questioning him and trying to restore peace, try staying away from him until he comes to you. He's behaving like an immature little child. Let him be the one to make things right. You've done your best, now leave him alone until he realizes what an idiot he's been.
 
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theforbiddenstep

New member
From my point of view. It sounds like you are the one antagonising him. No one wants to be told or suggested to them that they are aggravated/angry. Of course he is going to be on the defensive. How would you feel if he said the same words back to you? I'm sure you would get annoyed.

Solution: Don't use sentencs that will antagonise him. Eg: I didn't mean to aggravate you".
If he says he isn't angry, let him think he isn't angry. If he is angry, just ignore him, or my all time favourite is to "change the subject". If he brings up a conversation that happened an hour before and responds to it. Yeh, he sounds like the type that will not let go. So humour him. Tell him the conversation was ages ago, and you have moved on. (Hint: Change the subject).

If he persists, you will find that you will not be his friend before long.
 
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