Hey..
I'm a newlywed and a new mom. My daughter is 6 months old, I have been married one year this past July.
Since I've been with my husband, even before we got married, sex was occasional.. once, twice a month.. He went thru BCT and AIT for the Army, and when he comes home it's more often, but then it falls back to once or twice monthly.
I could toss, turn, sigh, basically throw a fit without throwing one and we would have sex, but I mean.. come onnnn. I wouldn't even be into it because I felt like I had to make an arse out of myself to get it.
My husband is VERY affectionate and loving, a great dad, and just an amazing person.. He is very cuddly/kissy/huggy and always wants to be near me, but no sex.. It didn't make sense.
I wrote him a note-- I can write very well... sometimes I get frustrated and can't articulate EVERYTHING I want to say, so I wanted to get everything out.. I told him we're newlyweds and once a month is NOT normal.. I love him very much, but I need to know if something is wrong.. I told him I feel like a joke, unattractive and unwanted..
He wrote me back-- his note said he was ashamed b/c he only lasts five minutes (mind you, I've never had that problem with him- I mean I always get mine...) and that "sometimes" he watches porn, and I can guess the rest.
Omg, it broke my heart. It feels like I'm about as attractive as an overweight smurf with crabs or something.. (haha, sorry..) more so, it felt like cheating.. When he is in the mood, instead of coming to me, he gets off to some random stranger and lets me suffer in silence..?
I let it fizz inside of me for the rest of the day, and when he went to go pick someone up from the unit, I looked thru his computer and found 2 downloaded porns, deleted them... cried like a baby- again.. and told him when he got home I removed them and if he wanted us to work he would remove what I didn't find..
He held me and kinda made me tell him how I was feeling and I ended up bawling like a baby and told him how I felt..
That was it.. the next morning the first thing he did was get on the computer- not for porn, but we've had other issues with MMORPGs and him playing like 20 hours a day.. I play too, but like an hour or two at a time, not every day. I know they are addictive..
So I got all moody and he asked me what was wrong, I told him I hate his computer.. We talked and this time he bawled like a baby.. said he doesn't even know why he does it, it didn't start when he was with me, it was way before, and that he won't watch it again.. that he's sorry he hurt me (and he is, he hates hurting me) and that he wouldn't spend that much time on the comp, but no porn what-so-ever... that he loves me and needs me.. I told him I'd never leave- which is true- and that I need him too.. We cried together and I told him we'd work through this together..
He is an amazing husband, friend, father...
After that, he didn't get on the comp at all (this was yesterday) and last night (TMI) we had sex..
My main concern is... we're newly weds... should we be having such issues ALREADY? I'd never leave, but I want to know what to do to boost our sex life, because marriage isn't gunna work if that is dead.
I've considered lingerie, idk.. I mean, I have straddled him and kissed him and we kiss and that's that.. He told me while we were talking he'd like me to initiate sometimes, we both have esteem issues I guess, but what more can I do than STRADDLE him for christ's sakes?
I'm a newlywed and a new mom. My daughter is 6 months old, I have been married one year this past July.
Since I've been with my husband, even before we got married, sex was occasional.. once, twice a month.. He went thru BCT and AIT for the Army, and when he comes home it's more often, but then it falls back to once or twice monthly.
I could toss, turn, sigh, basically throw a fit without throwing one and we would have sex, but I mean.. come onnnn. I wouldn't even be into it because I felt like I had to make an arse out of myself to get it.
My husband is VERY affectionate and loving, a great dad, and just an amazing person.. He is very cuddly/kissy/huggy and always wants to be near me, but no sex.. It didn't make sense.
I wrote him a note-- I can write very well... sometimes I get frustrated and can't articulate EVERYTHING I want to say, so I wanted to get everything out.. I told him we're newlyweds and once a month is NOT normal.. I love him very much, but I need to know if something is wrong.. I told him I feel like a joke, unattractive and unwanted..
He wrote me back-- his note said he was ashamed b/c he only lasts five minutes (mind you, I've never had that problem with him- I mean I always get mine...) and that "sometimes" he watches porn, and I can guess the rest.
Omg, it broke my heart. It feels like I'm about as attractive as an overweight smurf with crabs or something.. (haha, sorry..) more so, it felt like cheating.. When he is in the mood, instead of coming to me, he gets off to some random stranger and lets me suffer in silence..?
I let it fizz inside of me for the rest of the day, and when he went to go pick someone up from the unit, I looked thru his computer and found 2 downloaded porns, deleted them... cried like a baby- again.. and told him when he got home I removed them and if he wanted us to work he would remove what I didn't find..
He held me and kinda made me tell him how I was feeling and I ended up bawling like a baby and told him how I felt..
That was it.. the next morning the first thing he did was get on the computer- not for porn, but we've had other issues with MMORPGs and him playing like 20 hours a day.. I play too, but like an hour or two at a time, not every day. I know they are addictive..
So I got all moody and he asked me what was wrong, I told him I hate his computer.. We talked and this time he bawled like a baby.. said he doesn't even know why he does it, it didn't start when he was with me, it was way before, and that he won't watch it again.. that he's sorry he hurt me (and he is, he hates hurting me) and that he wouldn't spend that much time on the comp, but no porn what-so-ever... that he loves me and needs me.. I told him I'd never leave- which is true- and that I need him too.. We cried together and I told him we'd work through this together..
He is an amazing husband, friend, father...
After that, he didn't get on the comp at all (this was yesterday) and last night (TMI) we had sex..
My main concern is... we're newly weds... should we be having such issues ALREADY? I'd never leave, but I want to know what to do to boost our sex life, because marriage isn't gunna work if that is dead.
I've considered lingerie, idk.. I mean, I have straddled him and kissed him and we kiss and that's that.. He told me while we were talking he'd like me to initiate sometimes, we both have esteem issues I guess, but what more can I do than STRADDLE him for christ's sakes?