I have an 18 year old daughter. She has always rebelled against authority since she was a tot. Although my husband feels like she started to settle down when she was about 12.
Then she started playing her father (who lives 3000 miles away) against me and my husband (until he lived with her and realized that *WE* were not the problem). She dabbled in drugs and alcohol to the point that we believe she has a problem. After getting kicked out of her dad's and flying back to this coast, she was homeless for a month (bouncing around on friends' couches). I allowed her to move back in with us if she agreed to follow strict rules (for our comfort).
She has to either work fulltime or go to college (so she has health benefits under me). She chose school. She has to work part time, and attend AA twice/week. She may use our car for work, school, and AA. She has a curfew of 10pm during the week and 1am on weekends, and may stay at a friend's house 1 night/week (I'm not running a hotel) but of course she has to get a ride to go out because we don't let her use our car for socializing (because of the addiction history). The only things she has to pay for is gas to get to/from work (we pay all other gas), and clothing, and any food or entertainment outside of home.
She blew a cork when I kept asking and asking that she do the 5 loads of laundry piled on her bedroom floor and finally had to threaten to not let her use the car to go to work if it wasn't done in 2 days. It wasn't done, so I pulled the use of the car. It was just the cherry on the cake...She feels that since she has done what we asked of her (although she does the bare minimum and often requires prodding), we should now trust her to use the car whenever she wants, and lift the curfews.
I hate the restrictions, and having to treat her like a child by taking the car away. And I agree that 10pm would be a silly curfew for a RESPONSIBLE 18 year old. But 10pm on weeknights is a 'reasonable time for one to be home' when you are going to school, AA and work.' And since I am paying for school, and she is just sliding by...I am setting the limits that she doesn't seem to be able to set for herself. Also, she hates that we don't let her use our car for socializing, but she's welcome to buy her own car, but can't seem to save the money to do so. And she just thinks I'm a control freak, but I'm just trying to get her to see what works.
She is now ticked off and saying she is moving out. I told her go ahead. But I am sad that she wants to move out because she's angry and she doesn't 'get it' as opposed to being ready. I can guarantee that if she moves out, she will drop AA and drop school next.
Has anyone been through this?
Then she started playing her father (who lives 3000 miles away) against me and my husband (until he lived with her and realized that *WE* were not the problem). She dabbled in drugs and alcohol to the point that we believe she has a problem. After getting kicked out of her dad's and flying back to this coast, she was homeless for a month (bouncing around on friends' couches). I allowed her to move back in with us if she agreed to follow strict rules (for our comfort).
She has to either work fulltime or go to college (so she has health benefits under me). She chose school. She has to work part time, and attend AA twice/week. She may use our car for work, school, and AA. She has a curfew of 10pm during the week and 1am on weekends, and may stay at a friend's house 1 night/week (I'm not running a hotel) but of course she has to get a ride to go out because we don't let her use our car for socializing (because of the addiction history). The only things she has to pay for is gas to get to/from work (we pay all other gas), and clothing, and any food or entertainment outside of home.
She blew a cork when I kept asking and asking that she do the 5 loads of laundry piled on her bedroom floor and finally had to threaten to not let her use the car to go to work if it wasn't done in 2 days. It wasn't done, so I pulled the use of the car. It was just the cherry on the cake...She feels that since she has done what we asked of her (although she does the bare minimum and often requires prodding), we should now trust her to use the car whenever she wants, and lift the curfews.
I hate the restrictions, and having to treat her like a child by taking the car away. And I agree that 10pm would be a silly curfew for a RESPONSIBLE 18 year old. But 10pm on weeknights is a 'reasonable time for one to be home' when you are going to school, AA and work.' And since I am paying for school, and she is just sliding by...I am setting the limits that she doesn't seem to be able to set for herself. Also, she hates that we don't let her use our car for socializing, but she's welcome to buy her own car, but can't seem to save the money to do so. And she just thinks I'm a control freak, but I'm just trying to get her to see what works.
She is now ticked off and saying she is moving out. I told her go ahead. But I am sad that she wants to move out because she's angry and she doesn't 'get it' as opposed to being ready. I can guarantee that if she moves out, she will drop AA and drop school next.
Has anyone been through this?