Introducing boyfriend to my child and ex husband?

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leynas

New member
My ex husband and me are co-parenting to 5 year old. I have a boyfriend and relationship is serious, we are already discussing about moving in together, but I want to take it slowly cause of my child. Now I would finally want to introduce my boyfriend to my child, but my ex husband thinks he should also be there at the same time. This means, he would like that my child meets my new boyfriend in front of him. Very awkward and I hate the idea, but I guess my ex is concerned about someone replacing him, especially as in few months I will move to the same city (with my child) where my boyfriend is (another country). What should I do?
This moving into different country is related to my work and my ex is ok with that, as that brings some benefits for the child as well (better education, higher life standard, etc.)
 
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CrazieFrog

New member
The best thing you can do is pretend like it's not awkward. It will show your boyfriend you are not one to cause drama, and that you have nothing to hide, in regards to what is between you and your ex as well as how you handle difficult situations. Dont introduce your ex by saying, "This is my EX." Just simple say his name. Introduce your bf as your bf, "This is ___, my bf." Explain to your bf you think its awkward, but you will both try to make the best of it. He should be more relaxed when meeting your ex, will will make your ex feel more relaxed.
 
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Spindrift

Member
Be very careful here, this is a huge move for you and your child. Statistics prove the vast majority of all child abuse/torture/murders are done by stepfathers/boyfriends, so bear that in mind. And moving to another country is going to be a huge trauma for your child as well as trying to adapt to a strange man. Try having him move in with you before you commit yourself to move to another country, and know him well, which takes a MINIMUM of 5 years.
 
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James

Active member
I don't know if that's a good idea. What is the purpose of such a meeting with both present? That sounds awkward for everyone involved.
 
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mariasonawire

New member
You have such a short, brief time to raise your children. If co parenting is going well with your ex and you are moving away I would totally grant him this request if it makes him feel secure and happy. He is about to watch his child move away. At the same time accept another father figure will be there every day of his child's life. it has got to hurt. Just do what eh wants. It is not such a big deal.
 
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willa1

New member
What strikes me is the part about moving the child away from the father. That is what is going to be so difficult for the child, paired with a new man living in his life. You need to be very careful about this. The father, I assume, knows and does not object to you moving the child so far away. I really think you need to get some professional advice about these plans.
 
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PoopsieMellish

New member
If you are divorced and on a friendship level and time has passed, it should not be a problem. You can't live like a catholic nun and he will meet another too. Have a polite conversation and let him know that any woman he meets will be met with politeness too because step parents should not be in the cross fire. I am a step mom of adult daughters and I have an adult son that I love both. His ex wife is very nice because they were divorced for their own reasons before we met.
 
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s4ndr4j4n4

New member
Personally I think its a great idea. If you son and his father are present when your son meets your new bf, he will feel more relaxed plus knowing that his dad must be ok with it, because he is there, will confirm to him that dad is ok about this.

You would do the same in your ex husbands position, after all he just wants to make sure that his son gets on ok with your bf.
 
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ReMeGt

New member
Your "EX" sounds like a "responsible" Dad.
You ought to respect that. It doesn't sound like "jealousy", just reasonable concern, and apprehension, on his part.

It sounds like you lost a "good man".
I hope your new guy is at least as good, but I honestly doubt it.
 
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