Is the beginning of this Story ok? I am interested in your opinion:?

Danika

New member
Steam spiraled from my nostrils as I absorbed my surroundings. I was in a shady cave mostly filled misty water. I untied my arms and let them drop to my sides. The cold air nipped at my bare skin. Thick slimy goop dripped from the ceiling onto my forehead and slid down my face and torso. My lower extremities were numb from the icy water that swallowed them entirely.

Slowly, but surely my hair started move, slithering off my shoulders forming into a braided ponytail. It dangled high at the back of my head. The tip of the braid transformed into a jagged blade. I braced myself for the unexpected.

In the distance, a dull light flickered. I could tell that it was making its way to me. Curiosity suffocated my thoughts. I tried to lift my leg to move forward, but my feet were planted to the earth. I became flustered.

My hands reached for my legs. I held my breath as my head went under the water.

Weeds grabbed at my arms, wrapping their tendrils around my neck and descending into my nose and piercing through my lips. I closed my eyes and stood up with nearly all my strength, shredding all the weeds from their killer grip. The water rushed off my body as I ascended from it. Once I had my ground, my violet eyes opened. “The queen…she…she‘s here,” I breathed, “Majesty.”

Instantly I gave her my respects, bowing my head slightly. She smiled and lifted the lantern to my face and cocked her head to the side. “Such a beautiful heart wasted,” her gentle voice cooed.
I watched in horror as blood trickled from her soulful blue eyes and from the corners of her soft lips. I could see she was in pain. The lantern fell from her hand. She abruptly slapped her hands to her chest and shrieked. Blood oozed from under her fingers. Her eyes closed as her body began to collapse. I felt helpless as her body vanished into the depths of the water.

Faintly I felt my heart slip into the pits of my stomach and rupture. My lungs stung in sharp pains as I swallowed in heaps of cold air. I failed to keep her safe I thought.
 
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