Is this good introduction paragraph?

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ColombianaSwimmer

New member
As most people know, William Shakespeare’s plays go from humorous to hatred and bitter to love and tragedy. He has proven to be one of the greatest writers of his time when he plays the ability of emotions. He presents tragedy in Othello and in Shakespearean tragedies; the protagonist always has a tragic flaw. Shakespeare portrays the classic tragedy through the main character, Othello. In a romantic world of Venice to Cyprus, a happily married couple, Othello and Desdemona, will go through many troubles in their short and interracial marriage. The tragic flaw along with pride will cause the protagonist to make an error in judgment leading him to his downfall and eventual death. Shakespeare shows for us a tragic incidence in the life of a man who once had it all, throws it all away in a fit of jealous rage.

*Othello's tragic flaw is jealousy.
it has to be present tense
 
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Seahawkfan

New member
Its a very thoroughly written and detailed introduction, I would actually consider cutting out some of the detail and adding a little bit more about your main character.
 
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Sunshine

Member
As suggested by the commenter above, this paragraph is well constructed and requires minimal editing. I do not know how old you are or what level of writing you are striving for here, but if you don't mind, I am going to make a few suggestions.

First, I think you need to change the "as most people know" in the first sentence. Is there a way you can express other people's familiarity with Shakespeare's works in another way?

Second sentence: "He has proven to be one of the greatest writers of his time..." -- it is best to avoid "to be" as much as possible. Consider saying "He has proven himself one of the greatest writers..." instead.

Third sentence: "He presents tragedy in Othello and in Shakespearean tragedies" -- the repeated use of "tragedy" redundant, perhaps brainstorm a new way to say this? Maybe something along the lines of "Shakespeare presents tragedy in Othello along with several of his other famous works" (of course, I feel you could word this better, but it is just something to get ideas flowing). Then continue to say something along the lines of "in such works, the protagonist always has a tragic flaw" because I do not believe the ideas are linked closely enough to merit a semi-colon.

The word "portrays" in the fourth sentence should be changed to something the pertains a little better to what you are saying. Maybe "demonstrates" would do it more justice?

"The tragic flaw along with pride..." -- the beginning of this sentence is a little awkward. Perhaps use "Othello's tragic flaw, along with pride, causes the protagonist to make an error in judgment leading him to his downfall and eventual death." (note the added commas and the omission of the world "will": these will make the sentence flow easier. The removal of "will" is due to tense conflict).

In the last sentence: "Shakespeare shows for us..." -- remove the "for" it makes your point more understandable.



I know this looks like a lot of edits, but in all honesty, this IS a fairly well written paragraph. Good job, and hopefully you do not disagree with all of my comments. :)
 
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SleepyHeadIsDozingOff

New member
yeah it's good, you've just got spme issues with regards wording:

As most people know, William Shakespeare’s plays RANGE FROM humorous, to hatred and bitter, to love and tragedy. He has proven to be one of the greatest writers of his time BY PLAYING WITH EMOTION AND DRAWING READERS INTO HIS WORK. THE PROTAGONIST IN SHAKESPEAREAN TRAGEDIES ALWAYS DISPLAY A TRAGIC FLAW.

(I CUT YOUR SENTENCE BECAUSE IT WAS REPETITIVE)

THE TRAGEDY, OTHELLO, IS SET In a romantic world of Venice to Cyprus, WHERE a happily married couple, Othello and Desdemona, go through many troubles in their short and interracial marriage. IN ADDITION TO THIS, the protagonist's pride causes him to makeS an error in judgment leading him to his downfall and eventual death. Shakespeare shows for us a tragic incidence in the life of a man who once had it all, throws it all away in a fit of jealous rage.

JUST MAKE SURE YOU TAKE OUT THE 'WILL'. YOU SHOULD BE WRITING IN THE PAST BECAUSE THE PLAY HAS ALREADY BEEN READ, SO IT HAS HAPPENED.


good luck! hope that helped!
 
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Pie<3

New member
Oh My Goodness Yes!! That Is a Wonderful Paragraph... much better than what I could come up with! I think that I have to give you props... :D
 
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Kmarie

New member
Review the use of semicolons as well as proper title treatment (italicize play titles). In sentence 1, "hatred" does not fit as it is a noun and should be an adj. in order to describe "plays," a noun. In sent. 2, "emotions" are not abilities. Sent. 3 is repetitive-- "He presents tragedy...in tragedy"-- it's kind of a "well, no duh.." kind of statement.

The rest of paragraph follows the same as the above sentences. Just locate your subject noun, make sure it fits with your verb, and double check the predicate of the sentence to be sure it makes sense with the noun. The content, itself, is fine-- I can understand the direction of the paper, etc. Just grammatical stuff. Very best of luck! :)
 
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