Kenny Rogers is on my front porch, drunk and wont leave. How do I get rid of him...?

[Valkyrie™]

without calling the cops or making a mess?

 

[Ninnyhammer]

Wow, he must have had one heck of a good time in your basement

 

[daydream_faery]

Purposely do an extremely poor rendition of one of his songs. That'll do the trick.

 

[TressaP]

tell him that if he doesn't leave he is going to miss his botox appointment!

 

[pudding]

Huh?

 

[TherealEnforcerlevel4]

Take your clothes off in front of him and he will run for the hills.

 

[goo_head_83]

Leave him a trail of fried chicken away from your house.

 

[JohannesTree]

why would you? put him in a cage and sell tickets to people who would like to see him

 

[Trank]

Toss a Dolly into the street so he'll dePart-on?

 

[mistyldawn]

No wonder Lucille left if that's how he behaves. I'd just chuck a coat over him and wait for him to sober up.

 

[agonizinglysad]

Dangle Dolly Parton in front of him and lead him away

 

[LibertyX]

Invite Snoop Dog over and fire up the bong. Even if he doesn't leave, the ensuing fracas will be highly entertaining!

 

[cassandras_evil_sister2]

play some millie vanillie out the widows over the porch? )

 

[artl]

Tell him they are giving free b-b-q samples at walmart.

 

[TheMadHatter1]

Tell him theres a six pack at the end of the road

 

[CrashFu™]

Lead a trail of 'bear claws' and bourbon into the cellar and let Cel have a go at him.

 

[DaisyInterupted]

Push him into the rose bush. He'll get the message.

 

[Rain]

It's time to call in Chuck Norris <[:0)

 

[JackieZ]

invite him into the cellar and then play a 'game' of tying him down. then let them all strip him naked and have theyre way with him for a few days. if hes still alive after a week with no food or drink and is still tied down, let him run and he wont come back!! )

 

[CrackShack]

open the trap door on your patio