My husband is always ranting about me but cried when I went to hospital?

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Elz1

New member
Please don't jump to the conclusion he is abusive, but we've reached that staged (he's in his early 40s) when the daily stress takes its toll. He's always ranting about something, that I'm nagging him or bothering just because I ask him to do simple things like put his dirty clothes in the right place, not leaving body hair in the shower, etc. He's stressed all the time (because of his work and the kids) and sometimes I feel we don't have a connection anymore.

He's not an affectionate person and it's like he has to carry the world on his shoulders. However, when I had a really bad stomach pain, I had to have an emergency surgery and before I went to the room, he was holding my hand and suddenly I noticed his eyes were full of tears. I seriously didn't expect this from him, in 15 years of marriage I had never seen a sign of deep emotion, not even when the boys were born.

Should I try to talk to him and get to his heart?
 
G

Greg

Member
Your husband may not be abusive, though i suspect he probably has power and control issues as do
most men in our culture. His inability to express himself emotionally,particularly via affection, is also
contributing to his hypermasculine attitudes (lack of cooperation) and behaviors (ranting). Only a crisis can motivate him to display his true feelings and dependency upon you. Please convince him
to seek professional help with a down-to-earth counselor before the next crisis which may be
injurious to both of you.
 
I

Itchweeed

New member
This man loves you. He is stressed and is worried about the future. No he is not abusive and loves you much and he would never be able to live with out you
 
C

Catherine

Member
Talking to him is a start hes just lost his way . Perhaps its time to get everything out in the open , he obviously loves you try to find a common ground with each other after all the years you have been married to him , you know him better than anyone. Perhaps it might be easier to write what you feel and ask him to read it? Perhaps you have just hit the brick wall all marriages hit eventually , but i also recommend he sees his dr because i cant help but think hes a lityle depressed. I hope everything goes well for you both
 
S

SirViever

New member
Through all the emotional minutia, the guy not only loves you but needs you. He may need you to be positive about some things that are good about him before you get to any negatives. The book "The Proper Care and Feeding of Husbands" explains all this very well. You may have legitimate complaints about him, but how you dole those complaints out along with some praise makes all the difference in the world.
 
L

Ladybug

Member
Yes you should,those small things you mention are so ridiculous so take care of him and talk when you are better,Looks like you have a good hearted man there.

Take Care.
 
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