My husband is brilliant, successful, & responsible. But, his childish humor...

[Blair]

...bothers me. Any suggestions? His sexual humor is disturbing, and even though he isn't racists/sexist/homophobic- he makes jokes or makes remarks that would make one believe he is. Also, he farts in public/at home, and he thinks it's hilarious. He'll fart real loud at home (about 5x an hour at the least), and every time he'll look at me and ask... "haha did you hear that?!" At work, when someone enters his office- he'll fart real loud and laugh. Some think it's hilarious, some tell him he's the grossest person they've ever met, some roll their eyes, others laugh because they're shocked and don't know what else to do--- all of these responses only fuel his behavior. He believes everyone thinks he's funny, and even when people don't think he's funny, he finds their distasteful reactions hilarious... again, this only fuels the fire. I ask him where's your shame? But, he'll either just laugh and claim to be proud, or he'll say that it's part of his "personality" and he's not going to change. Sometimes it makes me angry, and it embarrasses me when I'm around and he farts in public. He has gastrointestinal problems and can't help flatulating, so I figure finding humor is the safest way for him to protect his ego. But, he boasts about how loud his farts are, and he describes everyones reactions so descriptively that I might as well have been there. I can't stand it. Does anyone else have an ADULT husband/boyfriend (25 or older) whose puerile humor bothers them? Or, are there any men who can relate to my husband and would like to tell me to shove it? All responses welcome. Thanks!

 

[VeraGabriele]

If he has gastrointestinal problems I am sure there are ways to avoid constant flatulence...He should watch his diet and not eat foods such as corn, cabbage, cucumber and flax is fine but no cereal with too much fibre in it for him.. because that is very effective to increase bowel movement and it's very healthy... but when someone eats too much high fibre and tend to suffer from flatulence anyhow..(farting) then he should only use a little bit and there are over the counter medications which reduce the building up of air in the stomach which leads to farting or flatulence.. and he should not drink a lot of carbonated drinks.. otherwise he will either belch or fart.. ''the little bubbles in carbonated drinks have to ''come out'' one way or the other...
He should drink herbal teas which help settle the stomach, such a ginger tea or chamomile tea, and he should talk to his doctor about this.. maybe there is something in his diet he just should not eat and this causes him to get flatulence..he should have this checked out.

Ask any doctor, it is a fact that on average we pass wind approx. 15 times a day.. I guess a lot of the times that happens when we sit on the toilet.. but it can happen on occasion when sneezing or when having eaten too much of the wrong food.. A nutritionalist could help him after he has seen his doctor, to find out the real cause for his problem and with the proper diet and over the counter or prescribed anti gas medication, such as beanos or something else, he can have less of a problem with this..
I know it's embarrassing if that happens.. but I knew a 57 year old guy and he had the same attitude as your husband, he farted at least every 15 minutes and not just 15 times a day and was as proud as punch about it.. as if that was a great achievement.. and on Sundays he wore a T-shirt.... which said in big letters'' I don't break hearts, I only break wind.. .and then he started talking that his entire family enjoyed a farting contest.. and that his wife farted even more than him and one of the daughter laughed out loud when she had to fart.. so obviously there are more than just of those species around on this planet who find this funny...It is embarrassing if someone does this a lot and if it seems they enjoy doing it and that makes it seem they do it on purpose.. An adult should know better.. He is not some teenager with nothing better to do.. If you have children or plan to have any, he is not a good role model in etiquette.. but if he got a gastrointestial problem, he needs to leave out all the foods that aggravate flatulence and needs to find out if he is allergic to some food which might be fine for everyone else to eat but causes him flatulence.. he should have a check up or maybe even a gastroscopy.. a lot of gas can come from eating the wrong foods and over the counter anti gas forming medications help to reduce the frequency of passing gas.

If he loves you, then there should be mutual respect and mutual trust and good communication... you should be able to talk to each other about anything and everything.. so when you both have time.. talk to him, and just tell him, that his jokes make you feel bad, if he could not find more adequate jokes to tell .. that his jokes come across as racist or sexist and that you find them somewhat offensive.. if he loves you and is mature enough, he will change that...
Buy him a book of great jokes... and make sure there are no racist or sexist jokes in there but a lot of really funny stuff.. then he can tell them to other people and everyone will laugh because they are genuinely funny and nobody will be offended...

x

 

[metalmike1991]

all i can say is life's to short to be serious all the time. maybe you should loosen up =p

 

[dogshift]

He sounds like quite a character. What I would say is that if someone who is successful, brilliant, etc, will have some aspect about them that is a bit peculiar and I suppose generally negative. It could be depression, promiscuity, aggression, ....... So perhaps things could be worse? My belief is that you cannot have one thing without the other but it does not mean you cannot try to persuade him to be more civilized.


Can you imagine the wonderful taste of chocolate in a food item that in fact is healthy to eat and doesnt make you put on weight? It would be interesting to know in what ways he is brilliant, successful.

 

[TurdFerguson]

Hahaha! He seems like a funny guy.

 

[paradox3quation]

One would assume he was doing this before you were married to him? Did this only start to bother you more recently then?

I don't know how close you are to his best friends, but if you could explain the situation to them and convince them to also shut him down immediately when he acts up, you might be more successful in getting him to choose to change. A lot of people will respond more quickly to negative reactions coming from their close social circle, than they will to a disgruntled spouse.

 

[Judith]

He has no respect for you or anyone else. It's rude & inconsiderate of other peoples sensibilities. Frankly if he were my husband I'd tell him to stop it or I'll leave if he hasn't done so within a week - then I'd leave. And don't let him tell you that he can't hold them in - he can.

 

[NoRealHelp]

Learn to live with it or dump him.

It's a simple choice.

You're not going to change him any more than he is going to change you. If you coerce him into changing for you, it will only lead to resentment and contempt.

The only thing you can do is wait for the both of you to be in a situation that HE thinks requires a sense of decorum and act like he does. ... then have the "there's a time and place for your kind of humor" talk.

 

[NicoleDaniel]

This sounds like quite a description. Firstly I cannot gather how patient you have been to digest the entire process that has been happening. Since it bothers you, I suggest you both meet a specialist and take a prescription or look at what can be done to medically alleviate his gastrointestinal complaints. Next stop approving of his jokes and views and gently let him know that you understand he has a problem biologically but it is not really a laughing matter or one that is socially acceptable.

 

[jonechen]

thanks for post

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