Parallels

[babypig07]

So I was wondering.


You get Transgender people. That is to say people who genuinely do not want to be the sex they are now because they are uncomfortable in their bodies. This is accepted by most people as fine and treatable via transplant, or other gender swap properties.


So I was wondering why it's unhealthy for people who genuinely want to be dead? Surely there is something of a similarity there? Being dead does not harm other people directly, other than emotionally. It is also their own life and they can surely choose what to do with it?


My thinking isn't exactly clear right now, so I might not have thought this through. I was on Dean Bridge crying my eyes out and thinking about jumping, but people were looking and I didn't want to stay too long (police officers coming would have been crap).

 

[austinowns100]

Hey dude.
Sounds like are in a pretty tough place at the moment. If you aren't already in contact with someone, I would encourage you to do so.

People tend to underestimate the emotional impact of the loss of a loved one. It's terrible when you realise you will never see someone again and agonise over if you could have done something different to keep them with you. Don't think of this as a guilt trip, but it is genuinely true.

Even among MAPers here we are impacted by the loss of members that we have not known personally. It sucks. And I think I can speak on behalf of all MAPers and say that we really want you to stick around.

Transgender in my mind is very different. They are still the same person before and after any physical alterations and those that loved them before, will still love them after. There is no personality change other than being more comfortable in their own skin.

 

[scarletgreen22]

First of all. Please, (please) talk to someone about this (kudos for posting on here about it, a very brave thing for you to do) but please (if you can) talk to the Samaritans, or just keep talking to us on here.

Secondly as to your comparison to transgender people, this is not a fair comparison. They wanted to change their gender in order to enjoy life MORE. Not because they wanted to end it.

These kind of people are between a rock and a hard place, but they don't choose death, they choose to do something about their situation. That is a world of difference.

If you can, please tell us why you was standing on that bridge crying (if it can at all be put into words) or PM me (just to talk if that helps)

'Ending it all' without facing your problems is not the way out (although it may seem so) its very possible to get through the feeling of not wanting to live, and move on into a fulfilled life (believe me, I have been there and done it).

You could quite possibly touch the lives of many people just by sharing your experiences and helping (this in itself can be a great motivation to live).

I don't want to lecture you but if you ever need anyone to talk to please contact me before you do anything drastic.

 

[HarryC]

One of the friends I fight with committed suicide several years ago. I can't help but think about that now and I mean, I just really wish I could fight with him again. I really do. It hits me every so often, but, man it really does hit me. I wasn't that close to my friend, we hung out a few times outside of class, but jeez, dude I can't tell you how much it affects me, even now. What's always helped me through tough times is procrastination. I've been in some dark moods once or twice, and I've found that if I just put things off, sometimes just time sorts out a lot.

 

[JohnnyCarcinogen]

That seems to be a good line of thinking. Never really occurred to me. xD

 

[sky_blue]

Chadderz, I've also had thoughts of suicide. I was severely depressed and I know how tough it can be to share that fact (I hid it from everyone). All I can say is that when depressed, your thinking just isn't clear. You forget about everything good in life, and you forget just how incredibly beautiful the world really is.

Don't get me wrong, I'm not saying life is easy. Life is a difficult, sometimes awful struggle. But it's also remarkable and miraculous. Depression is hard, really hard. There's no simple way out and sometimes it feels like that's just what life is. I promise you it's not. Please see someone professional (easier said than done, I know. But these people do just want to help and they are the most qualified to do so)

 

[PlCogs]

Before you do anything Chad, just clear your mind of every single expectation (whether from yourself, or others).

Often people are driven to suicide because of expectations placed on themselves (or others).

I dont know the reasons for your feelings (if you are trying to get away from a thought or feeling)

But from your past posts, you sound like a very intelligent person. Look up brain placidity, it is a proven fact that people with suicidal tenancies have a different brain chemistry to those who don't.

But placidity means its possible to completely change these thoughts and feelings. And the methods are simple:

Keep a gratitude diary: Look out for things to be thankful for.

List times people have helped you, and when you have helped them.

Keep your mind occupied: When a bad thought occurs, acknowledge it, don't ignore it, and then less it pass. It has no substance, and is not real.

I notice you have over 3000 posts and have been thanked over 1000 times for those posts.

Your thoughts and opinions have impacted people you don't even know.

I have been in the 'black pit' where nothing seems to ever get better, no matter how much you try.

Just let go of the idea of what you (or others) 'need' you to be. And enjoy life, the sunshine, the snow and everything else.

 

[bigmac01]

...I think you might mean plasticity?

 

[vahagnK]

Yes, apologies for my spelling.

 

[polarmoods]

So have I. I had it when I was bullied in grade school close to 20 years ago now since I was even in grade school. Had it again when I broke up with my ex and when I had fights with my parents who were quite controlling even when I became adult. Had it again when my brother disowned me and my parents in late 2010. (wasnt just me he hates our parents too) I still feel that way. I was on anti depressants for years (before my brother did what he did) I am glad I still got them.

Luckily I have support from my parents and people on my mother's family side who love me. They dont believe what my brother did to our parents was right, and I know they dont believe in disowning me either.

Chadderz, I hope you do have the support of good friends. well You do here and on facebook. I dont care where you get them, the net or real life because the net friends can support you even better than real life at times. But you really need that.

Yes Tell us why you felt like jumping the bridge.

Of course, only when you feel like talking. I do not want to pressure you bud.

Btw.....Big forum hugs and also fb hugs.

 

[onlyme]

I've thought about suicide before. I think more people have thought about it than we realize.

The difference between trans people and suicide is that trans people aren't choosing to leave anyone; simply to change themselves. There's really no "loss" there, unless you consider the difficulties that might come with adjusting to a new identity.

I'm not just saying "I'm sorry" to say it. I don't know you in real life but I feel like I've kinda seen a window into it through these forums, and you seem like a genuinely nice, good guy. And you're certainly very helpful around here. I'm really sorry you've been going through this.

Listen, I know it seems like it'd be weird and all, but honestly my PM box (or email) are open at any time if you wanna talk. Give me specifics or don't - I don't mind. But whether you reach out to one of us or someone in real life, please reach out to someone. I genuinely care about you simply by the fact that you are a human being and I believe all humans are beautiful and special.

~Lea

 

[JordinN]

When I was in high school, a classmate of mine committed suicide by shooting himself in the head. It's not something anyone saw coming. At least I didn't. I saw him every day in classes, and we would hang out and goof off during biology.

I know his parents were crushed. That has to be one of the worst things that can happen to a parent. So clearly it has a huge impact on other people.

Anyways, when I was your age life was pretty hard for me. In theory, you early 20's are supposed to be a great time and all that. For me it was a pretty dark period for a lot of reasons. But it got better, it took a bit of work though.

I enjoy your posts here, and you seem like a cool guy. I think you owe it to yourself to give your self a chance to work through this. Go see a therapist and talk about this stuff. Try to work it out.

 

[doodlesnicker]

For what it's worth, I want to add my support. I really hope you make it through your rough patch.

 

[bevm]

Chadderz, I also have been through some pretty bleak depressions in my life. I know it feels like you are in this dark place that will never get better. I can only assure you that it can indeed get better. It takes work, but it isn't as hopeless as it feels.

I don't know what your spiritual beliefs are, but I believe in reincarnation. I believe we have things we learn over lifetimes. I also believe that suicide isn't really an escape.
Because then you have to repeat that lesson in another one until you work it out. Might as well work it out this lifetime instead of starting all over in another one.

You CAN get past this. More than one person on this thread has been through severe depressions and moved to happier times.

 

[Xanadu]

A lot of people have given some good advice here, I just wanted to say a few things.

In the case of transgender people, they are not ill in any way shape or form, they want to be something different.

In the case of suicidal thoughts the person having them most likely has some form of depression, there is nothing wrong with this. But they are not well, if they were ok I doubt they would want to end everything or somehow erase their existence.

I know from personal experience that even when it seems like the black dog will never leave your side sooner or later it will go.

The hardest thing is to keep going when all you want to do is lay down and die

"If you find yourself in hell the best option is to keep going" Paraphrased Churchill quote, can't remember the exact words.

 

[Lanta]

Been dealing with depression my whole life. As others have said, you need to talk with a professional. I think it also helps to take a step back and clear your head. One of my rules is that you should never make a big decision when you are feeling down. It's also a good idea to think about what is getting you down and then come up with strategies(things you can do) to improve or deal with your situation. A professional can help you a lot with this and will give you an objective perspective on things.

There isn't a problem that you can't solve Chadders, so try to keep your head up. Trust me, you can get through this.

 

[notoriousiejeee]

Hi Chadderz,

I'm sorry you are going through such a difficult time.

You might find contacting Samaritans to be helpful, they provide a safe place to explore your feelings, without judgemnet, and to talk about your situation. What you say is held in confidence within the organisation.

They are available 24/7 via phone, email, SMS and some branches even do face to face contact where you can drop in to the branch to talk to someone.

Here is the national number and the email address for support via that.

http://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help-you/contact-us


It's all anonymous, you don't need to disclose your name or location.

 

[TomasS]

Deleted.

 

[TheMaster]

Don't really want to talk about the situation xD

I was asking the original question because I was wondering what the difference was

 

[heavierthings07]

Look after yourself bloke.