VanillaBear1
New member
- Jun 21, 2010
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This is in the middle of the story, so I am sorry if you don't understand it.
As soon as he entered the church, he noticed Leslie standing alone by the pews, a Bible in her hands. He scowled, shoving his hands further into his pockets. The psychotic man-woman, or so he and his brother liked to call her, made his life a living hell when he was a child. She had told on him when he and Chris stuck Skittles in the microwave and when they tied their mother's favorite laced bra to a balloon and let it fly away. Plus, she had pushed him down the stairs when he was five, but every time he told his father, he wouldn't believe him. Whenever he saw her, he immediately thought back to those times in his childhood and, once again, vowed to get some kind of revenge on her.
Zach began to walk over to her, carefully maneuvering himself past the crowd of people. He was still on a look out for Uncle Mark. If that crazy, Polish bastard came anywhere near him, he would call the cops. Leslie looked over and saw him, but all she did was give the same, evil grin she used to give him when he was little. "Reilly," she started with her manly voice. "I didn't think you'd actually show up. Chris said you've been having some mental problems. Are all of the one-night stands and nobody loving you back starting to get to you?"
He sneered and let out a small, pity laugh. She had tried to be funny when they were younger and he was just getting into comedy, but she was never successful. "I'll just take this from you," he said as he took the Bible from her overly hairy hands. "I know how contact with Holy stuff makes your skin burn." Zach smiled as she flipped him the bird and stormed off like a prima donna, even though she was far from that.
Leslie's insult is weak because she isn't really good at coming up with them, which is why it sounds so cheesy and/or awkward.
Do you think this part of my story is funny? If not, then why and how can I make it funny?
Thanks! I really appreciate it!
As soon as he entered the church, he noticed Leslie standing alone by the pews, a Bible in her hands. He scowled, shoving his hands further into his pockets. The psychotic man-woman, or so he and his brother liked to call her, made his life a living hell when he was a child. She had told on him when he and Chris stuck Skittles in the microwave and when they tied their mother's favorite laced bra to a balloon and let it fly away. Plus, she had pushed him down the stairs when he was five, but every time he told his father, he wouldn't believe him. Whenever he saw her, he immediately thought back to those times in his childhood and, once again, vowed to get some kind of revenge on her.
Zach began to walk over to her, carefully maneuvering himself past the crowd of people. He was still on a look out for Uncle Mark. If that crazy, Polish bastard came anywhere near him, he would call the cops. Leslie looked over and saw him, but all she did was give the same, evil grin she used to give him when he was little. "Reilly," she started with her manly voice. "I didn't think you'd actually show up. Chris said you've been having some mental problems. Are all of the one-night stands and nobody loving you back starting to get to you?"
He sneered and let out a small, pity laugh. She had tried to be funny when they were younger and he was just getting into comedy, but she was never successful. "I'll just take this from you," he said as he took the Bible from her overly hairy hands. "I know how contact with Holy stuff makes your skin burn." Zach smiled as she flipped him the bird and stormed off like a prima donna, even though she was far from that.
Leslie's insult is weak because she isn't really good at coming up with them, which is why it sounds so cheesy and/or awkward.
Do you think this part of my story is funny? If not, then why and how can I make it funny?
Thanks! I really appreciate it!