What you call yourself does not matter. You learning the truth is what matters:
Jesus said, “Enter by the narrow gate; for wide is the gate and broad is the way that leads to destruction, and there are many who go in by it. Because narrow is the gate and difficult is the way which leads to life, and there are few who find it.“ Jesus said that in Matthew 7. It means most people are not going to heaven. But you, you can get saved today and I’m going to tell you how. Jesus said, “unless you repent you will all likewise perish.” That means you will perish in hell unless you repent from sin. To repent means you change your mind for better with abhorrence of your past sins. That’s a strong dislike of your sin. It’s much more than just feeling sorry for your sins. No, it also involves what you think about sin and what you intend to do about it. You must change. You need to turn to Jesus, because Jesus will give you the power to change. The goodness of God will lead you to repentance.
When you turn to Jesus and repent from sin, then God will make you born again by the Holy Spirit. You’ll then have the power of God in your life to overcome the urge to sin. The Lord Jesus Christ, He will set you free from the slavery to sin. Yes, we are all slaves to something. We’re either slaves to sin or we’re slaves to God with obedience to Him. The Lord Jesus Christ is the Son of God, and “whom the Son sets free is free indeed.” Free means you’re no longer a slave to sin.
But if you don’t have that and Jesus Christ is not your Lord, then you will have the wrath of God. For the wrath of God is revealed from heaven against all ungodliness and unrighteousness of men, who suppress the truth in unrighteousness. That’s in Romans chapter 1, and you’ll also have this: In flaming fire, taking vengeance on those who do not know God, and on those who do not obey the gospel of our Lord Jesus Christ. These shall be punished with everlasting destruction from the presence of the Lord and from the glory of His power. If Jesus Christ is not your Lord, then He will burn you up with unquenchable, everlasting fire. You will be cursed. I don’t want that for you. I want you to be blessed. Jesus said, “ blessed are those who hear the word of God and keep it.” To keep it means to take care not to violate it.
The Bible says do not love the world or the things in the world. If you love the world the love of God is not in you. It is about sensual pleasures, or loving what you see, or having pride because of your life. These are not things of God doing His will.
He who sins is of the devil - 1 John 3:8. That’s talking about habitually sinful conduct. If you slip up and sin God will forgive you if you confess to Him and ask for forgiveness, because He is faithful and just to forgive you. But in order to rightfully claim that you must be doing the conditions found in 1 John 1. You can’t be walking in darkness practicing sin. You must be walking in the light practicing righteousness. You cannot confess to God those sins you are a slave to and get forgiveness. It does not work that way. My favorite Scripture is this, Romans 6:22 - But now having been set free from sin, and having become slaves of God, you have your fruit to holiness, and the end, everlasting life. That means you do not have everlasting life at the end until you are set free from sin now while living a holy life. God, who “will render to each one according to his deeds.” eternal life to those who by patient continuance in doing good seek for glory, honor, and immortality; but to those who are self-seeking and do not obey the truth, but obey unrighteousness - indignation and wrath, tribulation and anguish on every soul of man who does evil… but glory, honor, and peace to everyone who works what is good. For there is no partiality with God. For as many as have sinned without law these will perish without law. That’s in Romans 2. It means even if someone is ignorant of law and discipline by not caring what the Bible says, they will still go to hell. That's why you need Jesus to set you free.
Jesus will help you if you sincerely turn to Him. You turn to Jesus through prayer and by reading His word. Jesus said, “If you abide in My word, you are My disciples indeed. And you shall know the truth, and the truth shall make you free.” Hallelujah! You can start right now to pray to God and then keep reading His word. New Testament reading will help you.
Just kidding. But really I think you need to look at the possibly that what you "think" is true, isn't always true. That's not to say that there aren't answers to all your questions; because there are. You understand that the supernatural is present and active in our lives, but you can't fathom that God/the divine is present and active in our lives. Why not? What is your conflict with that possibility? Start asking those questions. I know that he is a powerful part of my life.