Single mums - any adivce on how to cope now I'm single with (almost) 5 kids?

Karla

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May 15, 2008
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Part question/part rant.? I am a mother to 4 (soon to be 5) children, ranging between 12 - 4 years old. My fifth is due next month.

My now ex-boyfriend left me a month ago, we had been together ten years and all but one of my children are with him. However in February he decides he "can't cope" with our life and our large family and has now scarpered off to Spain to 'see' his sister! I had always declined marriage (I’m not the marriage type).

My kids have all reacted badly to his sudden disappearance and all miss him horribly, especially my four year old who isn't quite sure of the situation. He's made it clear he's not interested anymore and, despite the fact that I'm going crazy seeing my children upset, I can't help thinking 'to hell with him!'

Can any other single mothers out there give me some advice on how to handle this with my children. My oldest is very much a 'closed book' and will attempt to make it appear as if this isn't affecting her, but I know she'll be breaking inside. One of my boys keeps crying and my four year old has become much clingier. I attempted to explain that mummy and daddy were having a rough time and that daddy had gone to see Auntie Freya, but it's obvious he's not going to be rejoining our family. How can I possibly tell my kids this?? I simply can’t believe he’s just run off and left his children this way!

I have a good and stable job and theres no chance I'll lose that, so I guess financially we'll be OK (OK meaning that regular cinema trips are off, but I can afford food). I may have to move though as his income had helped pay for our (rather large) house. That’ll unsettle the kids as well.
I don't doubt myself as a single mother - I know we'll be OK as I've done it before (although with one, not 5). But my kids miss their dad and I don't quite know how to handle it. My fifth will be born straight into a single-parent household and it breaks my heart. I’m desperately angry for my children and I simply am not sure how to help them through this.
 
my mother ended up as a single parent
with myself and two older brothers but she struggled on with working and bringing us up
she was firm with us did not spare the rod and spoil the child as the saying goes
but she gave us all the love she could
and kept us all together
i think it was hard for her but she was the best
good luck
 
Don't know the laws in the UK, but definitely worth a visit to a lawyer/soliciter to find out if he can be held responsible for child support payments. While your heart may be breaking, you also must think of the day-to-day running of the household and 5 kids (4 of whom are his) are not cheap. I think with the five lives you are responsible for (plus you), you might rethink your "not the marriage type" philosophy, as it gives you little legal recourse. Sorry the schmuck ran out on you.
 
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