First off, I'd like you to know that I don't want to get this published, I'm writing it for fun. Secondly, it is about vampires and if you have a problem with that you should probably just leave this question now. I write about them because they intrigue me, not because I'm a Twilight fangirl or because they're the 'in thing'.
So Dominique (the main char) is a vampire, and Joshua is a human she knows. She thinks of him as an ally and he thinks of her as a friend. He's stormed in and started kissing Dominique and Joshua thought she was going to throw him off but she started kissing him back and that's all you really need to know before this part.
Trying to guess his next move, I arched closer to his body and breathed Joshua in. A tickle spread over my nose as I savored his delicious fragrance, locking it in my memory.
Our lips slightly met again, but they parted when we began to hurriedly move backwards, towards my bed.
His lips smiled on mine, and I turned so that I could push him onto the mattress. Straddling his waist, Joshua sat up and cupped my cheek so that he could lightly peck my lips. We reluctantly detached our lips as Joshua shuffled his shirt off and threw it to the floor.
I took a mental picture of Joshua's body as I grabbed his shoulders, my lips pressing down hard on his. Joshua and I only separated our lips when we needed to gasp for air, one of his hands holding my cheek and the other supporting my back.
My lips traveled down his cheek and to his jawline, leaving a trail of kiss until I found his neck. Coming to a halt, I inhaled deeply, my body quivering as Joshua's scent rolled into my nose. As a tingle swept over my gum and my canines lengthened, I realized that the longing for Joshua's blood was the strongest urge I had ever felt. The fragrance was utterly delicious and being so close to the source was even better than in the bar, it was overpowering. Not being able to resist, I pecked Joshua's jugular and urgently gnawed on it, receiving gasps from Joshua.
One of my fangs penetrated his skin, drawing a slight amount of blood. Joshua's body shook in pain, grabbing my waist and trying to force me off of him. There was no way I could stop now. Joshua's blood flowed into my mouth, it's flavour almost indescribable. The sweetness fought with how sour it was -- bittersweet blood. Sinking my other canine in made Joshua yelp.
"Dominique, what are you doing!" Joshua breathed through clenched teeth, again trying to pry me off. It was futile.
My pure hunger suffocated Joshua's screams and words, the world around me dissolved and nothing seemed to matter as this entrancing liquid slipped from his body. Just like a snake belonged in the jungle, as this slithered down my throat, it belonged in me.
Clasping his shoulders to keep him from struggling made me think that my Allure made it all too easy, and took all of the fun out of it. His hand curled around the sheets and his body got limper. Driving all of my teeth into his throat, a hoarse and hopeless sound made his lips part.
"Dom, please, s-stop!" Joshua's muffled voice tried to make me listen to his pleas. Joshua. The name sounded familiar, but as the crimson blood rushed into my mouth, a surge of pleasure swept through me and I just couldn't care.
Joshua's throat made my groan muffled and one of my hands glided up from his shoulder and clutched the back of his hair roughly. As his blood rolled down his bare back and onto the white sheets bellow us, I had to admit that I was being extremely messy.
His blood. Joshua's blood.
It hit me like a gust of air, almost knocking me back. My elixir that contained the fine and exotic wine wasn't just a human, it was Joshua.
Trying to wrench my teeth out of Joshua was a hopeless attempt, and my animal instincts denied me doing anything that I willed. My hand came down to his neck and clasped it, Joshua's life kept entering my mouth as I ached to have every last drop in my mouth, but also frantic to stop.
But as his hands loosened their grip on the sheets and his body slumped, the thought dawned on me that I might not be able to stop.
What do you think? Does it flow and have the right pace? I have asked this question lately, but some of it's changed a bit. Thanks in advance ;D.
~Nicole.xx
Thanks everyone for answering
If you're interested, you can read the first three chapters here:
http://www.worthyofpublishing.com/book.asp?book_ID=2806
So Dominique (the main char) is a vampire, and Joshua is a human she knows. She thinks of him as an ally and he thinks of her as a friend. He's stormed in and started kissing Dominique and Joshua thought she was going to throw him off but she started kissing him back and that's all you really need to know before this part.
Trying to guess his next move, I arched closer to his body and breathed Joshua in. A tickle spread over my nose as I savored his delicious fragrance, locking it in my memory.
Our lips slightly met again, but they parted when we began to hurriedly move backwards, towards my bed.
His lips smiled on mine, and I turned so that I could push him onto the mattress. Straddling his waist, Joshua sat up and cupped my cheek so that he could lightly peck my lips. We reluctantly detached our lips as Joshua shuffled his shirt off and threw it to the floor.
I took a mental picture of Joshua's body as I grabbed his shoulders, my lips pressing down hard on his. Joshua and I only separated our lips when we needed to gasp for air, one of his hands holding my cheek and the other supporting my back.
My lips traveled down his cheek and to his jawline, leaving a trail of kiss until I found his neck. Coming to a halt, I inhaled deeply, my body quivering as Joshua's scent rolled into my nose. As a tingle swept over my gum and my canines lengthened, I realized that the longing for Joshua's blood was the strongest urge I had ever felt. The fragrance was utterly delicious and being so close to the source was even better than in the bar, it was overpowering. Not being able to resist, I pecked Joshua's jugular and urgently gnawed on it, receiving gasps from Joshua.
One of my fangs penetrated his skin, drawing a slight amount of blood. Joshua's body shook in pain, grabbing my waist and trying to force me off of him. There was no way I could stop now. Joshua's blood flowed into my mouth, it's flavour almost indescribable. The sweetness fought with how sour it was -- bittersweet blood. Sinking my other canine in made Joshua yelp.
"Dominique, what are you doing!" Joshua breathed through clenched teeth, again trying to pry me off. It was futile.
My pure hunger suffocated Joshua's screams and words, the world around me dissolved and nothing seemed to matter as this entrancing liquid slipped from his body. Just like a snake belonged in the jungle, as this slithered down my throat, it belonged in me.
Clasping his shoulders to keep him from struggling made me think that my Allure made it all too easy, and took all of the fun out of it. His hand curled around the sheets and his body got limper. Driving all of my teeth into his throat, a hoarse and hopeless sound made his lips part.
"Dom, please, s-stop!" Joshua's muffled voice tried to make me listen to his pleas. Joshua. The name sounded familiar, but as the crimson blood rushed into my mouth, a surge of pleasure swept through me and I just couldn't care.
Joshua's throat made my groan muffled and one of my hands glided up from his shoulder and clutched the back of his hair roughly. As his blood rolled down his bare back and onto the white sheets bellow us, I had to admit that I was being extremely messy.
His blood. Joshua's blood.
It hit me like a gust of air, almost knocking me back. My elixir that contained the fine and exotic wine wasn't just a human, it was Joshua.
Trying to wrench my teeth out of Joshua was a hopeless attempt, and my animal instincts denied me doing anything that I willed. My hand came down to his neck and clasped it, Joshua's life kept entering my mouth as I ached to have every last drop in my mouth, but also frantic to stop.
But as his hands loosened their grip on the sheets and his body slumped, the thought dawned on me that I might not be able to stop.
What do you think? Does it flow and have the right pace? I have asked this question lately, but some of it's changed a bit. Thanks in advance ;D.
~Nicole.xx
Thanks everyone for answering
If you're interested, you can read the first three chapters here:
http://www.worthyofpublishing.com/book.asp?book_ID=2806