JERSEYGIRL1
New member
bunch of stupid problems and i know i am very fortunate....just stressed right now
i dont know who i can trust. i have some friends where i feel like everything i tell them gets repeated and i always feel like they are talking about me behind my back. thats not really what bothers me. but me and one of my very good friends "bicker" sometimes. but most of the time we just have diff. opinions and they are intellegent arguments (ex. if medical marajauna should be legalized or if you can have natural talent) so its not pointless stuff. but it gets heated sometimes, like screaming, and everyone thinks its annoying (which i see where they are coming from) but its pretty rare. so now they are all talking about how annoying it is and every time i talk to my friend they all just glare at us like we r being annoying and fighting all the time(which isn't the case). and i play field hockey and i am really dedicated and play all year round. but one of my friends has a starting position on varsity and i don't. and i am kinda jealous but she isn't even good. and its not just me that says it. everyone thinks she shouldn't be starting but for some reason our coach loves her. and this girl who is really good at hockey picked up field hockey for the first time this year and gets subbed into varsity before me sometimes. its so frustrating cause she doesn't even know the rules or care but field hockey is something i really care about. but i dont know if i want to pursue it through college. i want to focus on getting into the best acedemic school i can....not where i can play field hockey. but if i can play field hockey at a good school i want to keep my options open. but the travel teams cost a lot and i feel guilty spending all of the $ if i'm not doing it in college but i don't know what i want. and i have serious time management issues. my classes this year are harder(sophomore year) and my history class is a killer. we had to read 80 pages for the test and i didn't get through them all. and the night before the test i got home at 9pm from field hockey. i just don't know what i want to focus on. and i would consider med school but its just a ton of money/time. and i feel bad cause i dont have a job. my siblings did well in school and had jobs over the summer but i dont have a job. and im going to arizona and disney world for two separate field hockey tournaments this year and also spain trip with school. i feel like i should be helping out paying but i dont have a job. and i dont have a boyfriend. iv never even been kissed and im a sophomore i feel pathetic. that same friend that got the starting varsity position also has everyone always telling her she is gorgeous. it seems like she has it all. and she is pretty but i feel like she is a backstabber. and my really good friend, the one i argue with, is so pretty to but she doesnt have everyone telling her she is pretty all the time. its always the same. and i feel like i want to branch out and start hanging out with new people it just never happens.
i know these are so stupid just dont know who my true friends are so i have to be careful with what i say to certain people. i wish i could stay at my beach house all year. its so easy to forget everything when the sun is shining and you relax in the ocean. i feel so at home on the beach. and when im skiing , i love skiing, not on the east coast-out west. i used to feel at home when i played lacrosse and field hockey too but i feel like im losing that feeling. im kinda in a slump. i need motivation. and my nanny(grandma) is dealing with cancer and i dont know whats gonna happen. both my siblings are at college and i have to be home with my mom while she is dealing with the news and she doesnt take that sort of news well and i want to be optimistic but also "prepare for the worst, hope for best" i just hope and pray nothing happens. and b/c field hockey practice is sunday morning, i havent been going to church and i feel crappy. and i also eat when im bored or nervous and stuff so i am working out a ton but i just eat it all back and more. and i keep thinking college and years after will be different but even parents have to deal with "making friends" and there will always be the bi*ches around. i always feel crappy like i snap at my mom whenever she talks to me and i feel bad but im jsut always mad about something. i miss when i was all bubbly and stuff
i dont know who i can trust. i have some friends where i feel like everything i tell them gets repeated and i always feel like they are talking about me behind my back. thats not really what bothers me. but me and one of my very good friends "bicker" sometimes. but most of the time we just have diff. opinions and they are intellegent arguments (ex. if medical marajauna should be legalized or if you can have natural talent) so its not pointless stuff. but it gets heated sometimes, like screaming, and everyone thinks its annoying (which i see where they are coming from) but its pretty rare. so now they are all talking about how annoying it is and every time i talk to my friend they all just glare at us like we r being annoying and fighting all the time(which isn't the case). and i play field hockey and i am really dedicated and play all year round. but one of my friends has a starting position on varsity and i don't. and i am kinda jealous but she isn't even good. and its not just me that says it. everyone thinks she shouldn't be starting but for some reason our coach loves her. and this girl who is really good at hockey picked up field hockey for the first time this year and gets subbed into varsity before me sometimes. its so frustrating cause she doesn't even know the rules or care but field hockey is something i really care about. but i dont know if i want to pursue it through college. i want to focus on getting into the best acedemic school i can....not where i can play field hockey. but if i can play field hockey at a good school i want to keep my options open. but the travel teams cost a lot and i feel guilty spending all of the $ if i'm not doing it in college but i don't know what i want. and i have serious time management issues. my classes this year are harder(sophomore year) and my history class is a killer. we had to read 80 pages for the test and i didn't get through them all. and the night before the test i got home at 9pm from field hockey. i just don't know what i want to focus on. and i would consider med school but its just a ton of money/time. and i feel bad cause i dont have a job. my siblings did well in school and had jobs over the summer but i dont have a job. and im going to arizona and disney world for two separate field hockey tournaments this year and also spain trip with school. i feel like i should be helping out paying but i dont have a job. and i dont have a boyfriend. iv never even been kissed and im a sophomore i feel pathetic. that same friend that got the starting varsity position also has everyone always telling her she is gorgeous. it seems like she has it all. and she is pretty but i feel like she is a backstabber. and my really good friend, the one i argue with, is so pretty to but she doesnt have everyone telling her she is pretty all the time. its always the same. and i feel like i want to branch out and start hanging out with new people it just never happens.
i know these are so stupid just dont know who my true friends are so i have to be careful with what i say to certain people. i wish i could stay at my beach house all year. its so easy to forget everything when the sun is shining and you relax in the ocean. i feel so at home on the beach. and when im skiing , i love skiing, not on the east coast-out west. i used to feel at home when i played lacrosse and field hockey too but i feel like im losing that feeling. im kinda in a slump. i need motivation. and my nanny(grandma) is dealing with cancer and i dont know whats gonna happen. both my siblings are at college and i have to be home with my mom while she is dealing with the news and she doesnt take that sort of news well and i want to be optimistic but also "prepare for the worst, hope for best" i just hope and pray nothing happens. and b/c field hockey practice is sunday morning, i havent been going to church and i feel crappy. and i also eat when im bored or nervous and stuff so i am working out a ton but i just eat it all back and more. and i keep thinking college and years after will be different but even parents have to deal with "making friends" and there will always be the bi*ches around. i always feel crappy like i snap at my mom whenever she talks to me and i feel bad but im jsut always mad about something. i miss when i was all bubbly and stuff