Well... I love sex for starters, I can't get enough of it.. and I have a boyfriend and I can only imagine getting it from him... but I don't know if it's cos i love him or cos he's the only one I am close to (emotionally, physically) atm so it's normal for me to feel that way. But being Catholic, I feel really bad for wanting sex and even having lost my virginity.. it just really gets to me sometimes...
Also.. I don't understand the reason why people get into relationships and why I would want a boyfriend.. I'm afraid of ending up with the wrong person or getting controlled cos it's happened to me before, it's just my nature to be easily manipulated, influenced and weak. My boyfriend atm... I don't know why i'm with him, yet I don't wanna let go and regret it incase it was the best thing i coulda had.
Im 18 btw. I'm just so confused with how to go about things in life.. everything's so sensitive with choices. You make a choice, you could go either way, and you lose something but then gain something..and you can't choose EVERYTHING so you could possibly miss out on something really great just because you're afraid or wonder what else is out there and so you pass it off.
Also i feel really dirty sometimes that i'm having sex with my boyfriend... I don't completely trust him and know him 100%, and I can easily see bad things in him.. and so it makes me feel cheap and like it's something bad I'm doing. He's really sexual and he's really good in bed, basically me and him are fireworks in sex... but I just feel wrong if he doesn't complete me in mentally & emotionally.... How do you know if they do?
Everyday I'm basically wanting to break up with him.. and I have no real reason for it, I just want to.. and I don't end up going through with it because me & him talk about it and he talks me out of it, EACH TIME... I'm getting really tired of going back & forth but i don't understand why i can't just relax and just be happy with him? =/ Something always comes up... Is it intuition ?
But yet when I think of him... I think of his smell, his everything.. and if i was to see him, I know i would go weak and melt again...it's not good
Also.. I don't understand the reason why people get into relationships and why I would want a boyfriend.. I'm afraid of ending up with the wrong person or getting controlled cos it's happened to me before, it's just my nature to be easily manipulated, influenced and weak. My boyfriend atm... I don't know why i'm with him, yet I don't wanna let go and regret it incase it was the best thing i coulda had.
Im 18 btw. I'm just so confused with how to go about things in life.. everything's so sensitive with choices. You make a choice, you could go either way, and you lose something but then gain something..and you can't choose EVERYTHING so you could possibly miss out on something really great just because you're afraid or wonder what else is out there and so you pass it off.
Also i feel really dirty sometimes that i'm having sex with my boyfriend... I don't completely trust him and know him 100%, and I can easily see bad things in him.. and so it makes me feel cheap and like it's something bad I'm doing. He's really sexual and he's really good in bed, basically me and him are fireworks in sex... but I just feel wrong if he doesn't complete me in mentally & emotionally.... How do you know if they do?
Everyday I'm basically wanting to break up with him.. and I have no real reason for it, I just want to.. and I don't end up going through with it because me & him talk about it and he talks me out of it, EACH TIME... I'm getting really tired of going back & forth but i don't understand why i can't just relax and just be happy with him? =/ Something always comes up... Is it intuition ?
But yet when I think of him... I think of his smell, his everything.. and if i was to see him, I know i would go weak and melt again...it's not good