My girlfriend and I decided yesterday that our relationship wasn't going well, and that we must separate. We didn't have a bad relationship--didn't argue--and had a very loving and communicative relationship, and things were great for the first 7 or 8 months (we've been together 11 months). But for whatever reason, she took on certain roles and I took on certain roles, and it all seems like now our relationship was just an issue of bad timing. We love each other so much, but neither of us was getting exactly what we wanted or deserved (we both agree on this). She's very work and career-oriented and very intense when it comes to those things, and she's also a super planner (guess type A personality). I'm more easy going--definitely care about my career, but I don't put it first in my life necessarily above other things, and I don't show much passion about it. She thrives on passion. So things deteriorated--mostly we just started doing our own things on our own time, not really working on the relationship, and we grew apart over the course of 2 or 3 months. We agreed (sadly) that the relationship wasn't working, and that splitting up for now is the only hope for salvaging anything--we don't want to keep a bad thing going and end up resenting each other.
But my question is do these "breaks in hopes for a better relationship later" really work? I mean, it almost seems like we'd just grow apart even more? And on the other hand, maybe I'll grow up a bit more (finishing my phd and looking for a job now) and we'll find in each other what we saw a year ago, sometime in the future? We'll get what we both deserve in the relationship. I don't know. She's so special to me. I've gone through breakups before, but this on is the worst. Honestly thought she'd be the last woman for me, so the idea of not having her in my life is almost more than I can bare. Do we have any hope? I wish we did, but I don't think we do.
Last question is what are the hopes of remaining any amount of friends? She's been my guiding light for the last year or so, and I can't imagine not talking to her. My only experience in break ups involved eventually cutting off communication--but I can't wrap my mind around doing that this time.
Please, no smartass answers--don't waste anyone's time. thanks!
honeybee536 and hurtpauline--thank you both for the responses.
hurtpauline--i wouldn't say I don't value her career, the problem is that she thrives on the passion people show in their lives, specifically work--i like my work, but don't really show the passion about it that she does. I love how she loves her work, and hypocritically, i enjoy her passion for it. I think one problem with the situation is that so much of her time is/was spent on work, it didn't leave much for relationship work. I'm not blaming her--it's a 2-way street, and I'm also at fault.