Here's what you do.
Find a way to get into the engine bay, and drain out his oil, then fill the oil pan with water. Also, drill a hole in the transmission fluid pan and fill it with water too. Take the lug nuts off his wheels so that if he actually gets down the road, one or more of his wheels will fall off in transit and it will total his car. Fill the air intake with glitter or sand, put a small fish underneath his seat (like up in the coils. It'll smell like ballsack after a few days), saran wrap the car, etc. The possibilities are endless.