layta@ymailecom
New member
- Mar 6, 2009
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I don't know what I am. Six years ago I took a friend's adderall and bugged out. I was on top of the world, felt like life's secrets were suddenly revealed. In my manic state I got into some trouble, and being a minor my parents were faced with the option of arrest her or send her to an institution. So I spent 2 weeks in a mental hospital and was diagnosed as Bipolar. I gained 15 lbs in about a week and became increasingly angry and out of control. To this day I still don't know if I'm actually bipolar or if it was my drugged up state. I've been on zoloft since I was about 15, but I experience the ups and downs.
When I research biploar, they describe the episodes as lasting for weeks. That's not how it is for me. I'm mostly depressed, sometimes stringing life along. I'll avoid my friends for days, but just when they're about to give up throw them a bone. Sometimes I'm almost a recluse, staying in bed for days. It's worse in wintertime, in the summer I'm usually close to fine.
And then the mania comes. I'll wake up in a fantastic mood, wanting to call everyone I've ever met and tell them about my great ideas. I'll want to do every fun activity possible. I'm a barrel of laughs, saying anything that comes to mind and everyone cracks up. Fuckin jubilant. The thing is I know I'm manic. I know it's happening but I don't care because it's fun. Then all of a sudden I'm paranoid. I regret doing or saying things, and completely close up. My friends must think it's so strange that one minute I'm more fun than I've ever been and the next I'm quiet and detached. I just don't understand. I know I can't just be depressed. But my mania doesn't last for weeks at a time, and thank god for that because I'd probably be blowing bubbles in the town square.
But I know that I'm not just depressed. I don't know if I'm full blown bipolar...I just don't know. I need some fucking insight. Does anyone know how I feel? I don't know what to do anymore. I want to talk to my friends about it but I don't want them to think I'm crazy. They don't even know I'm on anti depressants. Help...
When I research biploar, they describe the episodes as lasting for weeks. That's not how it is for me. I'm mostly depressed, sometimes stringing life along. I'll avoid my friends for days, but just when they're about to give up throw them a bone. Sometimes I'm almost a recluse, staying in bed for days. It's worse in wintertime, in the summer I'm usually close to fine.
And then the mania comes. I'll wake up in a fantastic mood, wanting to call everyone I've ever met and tell them about my great ideas. I'll want to do every fun activity possible. I'm a barrel of laughs, saying anything that comes to mind and everyone cracks up. Fuckin jubilant. The thing is I know I'm manic. I know it's happening but I don't care because it's fun. Then all of a sudden I'm paranoid. I regret doing or saying things, and completely close up. My friends must think it's so strange that one minute I'm more fun than I've ever been and the next I'm quiet and detached. I just don't understand. I know I can't just be depressed. But my mania doesn't last for weeks at a time, and thank god for that because I'd probably be blowing bubbles in the town square.
But I know that I'm not just depressed. I don't know if I'm full blown bipolar...I just don't know. I need some fucking insight. Does anyone know how I feel? I don't know what to do anymore. I want to talk to my friends about it but I don't want them to think I'm crazy. They don't even know I'm on anti depressants. Help...