YouSonofaBEACHt
New member
- Aug 8, 2009
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im bored and i need a laugh!
What are some good blonde jokes?
- Thread starter YouSonofaBEACHt
- Start date
curleynetti
New member
- Aug 8, 2009
- 1
- 0
- 1
a guy takes his blonde girlfriend to a football game and everyone is screaming "get the quarterback" and the girlfriend looks at him and says "why are they screaming get the quarterback its just a quarter." haha loser. : )
Why did the blonde climb over the invisible wall?
To see what was on the other side
How do you know if a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies?
There are smartie shells all over the place
How do you get a one armed blonde out of a tree?
Wave
How do you kill a blonde?
Put a mirror on the bottom of a pool
What do beer bottles and blondes have in common?
They are both empty from the neck up
What was the first thing the blonde learnt on her first driving lesson?
You can sit upright in cars
Why do blondes where panties?
They make good ankle warmers
What's the difference between bigfoot and an intelligent blonde?
People have claimed to have seen bigfoot
How do you confuse a blonde?
Put her in a circle room and tell her to sit in the corner
How do you tell if a blonde has been using your dishwasher?
It's full of soggy paper plates
How did the blonde try to kill the fish?
Drown it
How did the blonde try and kill the bird?
Threw it off a cliff
What's the difference between a blond and an ironing board?
Sometimes the legs on an ironing board are hard to open!
How do you tell if a blond has been using the PC?
There is white-out on the screen.
plus there is a condom on the joy stick
I knew a blonde that was so stupid that.......
~ she called me to get my phone number.
~she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said "concentrate."
~ she put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.
~ she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.
~ she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
~ she tried to drown a fish.
~ she thought a quarterback was a refund.
~ she tripped over a cordless phone.
~she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
~she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.
~she studied for a blood test.
~she thought Meow Mix was a record for cats.
~ when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.
~ when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead.
~when she took you to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left" she turned around and went home
The Lottery
A broke blonde decides to ask God for help. "Dear Lord," he prays, "if I don't get some cash, I'm gonna lose everything. Please let me win the lottery."
Lottery night comes, but the blonde doesn't win. He prays even harder, saying, "God, why have you forsaken me? My children are starving. Please just let me win this once."
Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light, and the blonde hears God speak.
"Mate, work with me on this," he says. "Buy a ticket."
The Injured Blonde
A blonde walks into a doctor's office and tells the doctor she's broken every single bone in her body. "That's impossible!" says the doctor.
The blonde says, "No, it's really true. Look!" She then touches her leg with her index finger and screams "Ouch!" Then she touches her arm and yells "Eeeeoooow!" Finally she touches her ribs and can barely maintain her composure as the tears start to roll down her face. She says, "See, I told you I broke every bone in my body."
The doctor rubs his chin, then conducts a thorough examination. "Well, miss," he tells her, "I've got some good news and some bad news. The good news is, you haven't broken every bone in your body. The bad news is, you've broken your finger."
The Execution
Three women are about to be executed. One's a brunette, one's a redhead, and one's a blonde. Two guards brings the brunette forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests.
She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."
Suddenly the brunette yells, "earthquake!!"
Everyone is startled and looks around. She manages to escape.
The angry guards then bring the redhead forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests.
She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."
The redhead then screams, "tornado!!"
Yet again, everyone is startled and looks around. She too escapes execution.
By this point, the blonde had figured out what the others did. The guards bring her forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests.
She also says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."
The blonde shouts, "fire!!"
Alligator Shoes
A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.
After becoming very frustrated with the 'no haggle' attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, 'Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!'
The shopkeeper said, 'By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!'
Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator. Later in the day, the shopkeeper is driving home, when he spots the young woman standing waist deep i
To see what was on the other side
How do you know if a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies?
There are smartie shells all over the place
How do you get a one armed blonde out of a tree?
Wave
How do you kill a blonde?
Put a mirror on the bottom of a pool
What do beer bottles and blondes have in common?
They are both empty from the neck up
What was the first thing the blonde learnt on her first driving lesson?
You can sit upright in cars
Why do blondes where panties?
They make good ankle warmers
What's the difference between bigfoot and an intelligent blonde?
People have claimed to have seen bigfoot
How do you confuse a blonde?
Put her in a circle room and tell her to sit in the corner
How do you tell if a blonde has been using your dishwasher?
It's full of soggy paper plates
How did the blonde try to kill the fish?
Drown it
How did the blonde try and kill the bird?
Threw it off a cliff
What's the difference between a blond and an ironing board?
Sometimes the legs on an ironing board are hard to open!
How do you tell if a blond has been using the PC?
There is white-out on the screen.
plus there is a condom on the joy stick
I knew a blonde that was so stupid that.......
~ she called me to get my phone number.
~she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said "concentrate."
~ she put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.
~ she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.
~ she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
~ she tried to drown a fish.
~ she thought a quarterback was a refund.
~ she tripped over a cordless phone.
~she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
~she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.
~she studied for a blood test.
~she thought Meow Mix was a record for cats.
~ when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.
~ when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead.
~when she took you to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left" she turned around and went home
The Lottery
A broke blonde decides to ask God for help. "Dear Lord," he prays, "if I don't get some cash, I'm gonna lose everything. Please let me win the lottery."
Lottery night comes, but the blonde doesn't win. He prays even harder, saying, "God, why have you forsaken me? My children are starving. Please just let me win this once."
Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light, and the blonde hears God speak.
"Mate, work with me on this," he says. "Buy a ticket."
The Injured Blonde
A blonde walks into a doctor's office and tells the doctor she's broken every single bone in her body. "That's impossible!" says the doctor.
The blonde says, "No, it's really true. Look!" She then touches her leg with her index finger and screams "Ouch!" Then she touches her arm and yells "Eeeeoooow!" Finally she touches her ribs and can barely maintain her composure as the tears start to roll down her face. She says, "See, I told you I broke every bone in my body."
The doctor rubs his chin, then conducts a thorough examination. "Well, miss," he tells her, "I've got some good news and some bad news. The good news is, you haven't broken every bone in your body. The bad news is, you've broken your finger."
The Execution
Three women are about to be executed. One's a brunette, one's a redhead, and one's a blonde. Two guards brings the brunette forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests.
She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."
Suddenly the brunette yells, "earthquake!!"
Everyone is startled and looks around. She manages to escape.
The angry guards then bring the redhead forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests.
She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."
The redhead then screams, "tornado!!"
Yet again, everyone is startled and looks around. She too escapes execution.
By this point, the blonde had figured out what the others did. The guards bring her forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests.
She also says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."
The blonde shouts, "fire!!"
Alligator Shoes
A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.
After becoming very frustrated with the 'no haggle' attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, 'Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!'
The shopkeeper said, 'By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!'
Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator. Later in the day, the shopkeeper is driving home, when he spots the young woman standing waist deep i
Why did the blonde climb over the invisible wall?
To see what was on the other side
How do you know if a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies?
There are smartie shells all over the place
How do you get a one armed blonde out of a tree?
Wave
How do you kill a blonde?
Put a mirror on the bottom of a pool
What do beer bottles and blondes have in common?
They are both empty from the neck up
What was the first thing the blonde learnt on her first driving lesson?
You can sit upright in cars
Why do blondes where panties?
They make good ankle warmers
What's the difference between bigfoot and an intelligent blonde?
People have claimed to have seen bigfoot
How do you confuse a blonde?
Put her in a circle room and tell her to sit in the corner
How do you tell if a blonde has been using your dishwasher?
It's full of soggy paper plates
How did the blonde try to kill the fish?
Drown it
How did the blonde try and kill the bird?
Threw it off a cliff
What's the difference between a blond and an ironing board?
Sometimes the legs on an ironing board are hard to open!
How do you tell if a blond has been using the PC?
There is white-out on the screen.
plus there is a condom on the joy stick
I knew a blonde that was so stupid that.......
~ she called me to get my phone number.
~she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said "concentrate."
~ she put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.
~ she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.
~ she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
~ she tried to drown a fish.
~ she thought a quarterback was a refund.
~ she tripped over a cordless phone.
~she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
~she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.
~she studied for a blood test.
~she thought Meow Mix was a record for cats.
~ when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.
~ when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead.
~when she took you to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left" she turned around and went home
The Lottery
A broke blonde decides to ask God for help. "Dear Lord," he prays, "if I don't get some cash, I'm gonna lose everything. Please let me win the lottery."
Lottery night comes, but the blonde doesn't win. He prays even harder, saying, "God, why have you forsaken me? My children are starving. Please just let me win this once."
Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light, and the blonde hears God speak.
"Mate, work with me on this," he says. "Buy a ticket."
The Injured Blonde
A blonde walks into a doctor's office and tells the doctor she's broken every single bone in her body. "That's impossible!" says the doctor.
The blonde says, "No, it's really true. Look!" She then touches her leg with her index finger and screams "Ouch!" Then she touches her arm and yells "Eeeeoooow!" Finally she touches her ribs and can barely maintain her composure as the tears start to roll down her face. She says, "See, I told you I broke every bone in my body."
The doctor rubs his chin, then conducts a thorough examination. "Well, miss," he tells her, "I've got some good news and some bad news. The good news is, you haven't broken every bone in your body. The bad news is, you've broken your finger."
The Execution
Three women are about to be executed. One's a brunette, one's a redhead, and one's a blonde. Two guards brings the brunette forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests.
She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."
Suddenly the brunette yells, "earthquake!!"
Everyone is startled and looks around. She manages to escape.
The angry guards then bring the redhead forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests.
She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."
The redhead then screams, "tornado!!"
Yet again, everyone is startled and looks around. She too escapes execution.
By this point, the blonde had figured out what the others did. The guards bring her forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests.
She also says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."
The blonde shouts, "fire!!"
Alligator Shoes
A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.
After becoming very frustrated with the 'no haggle' attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, 'Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!'
The shopkeeper said, 'By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!'
Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator. Later in the day, the shopkeeper is driving home, when he spots the young woman standing waist deep i
To see what was on the other side
How do you know if a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies?
There are smartie shells all over the place
How do you get a one armed blonde out of a tree?
Wave
How do you kill a blonde?
Put a mirror on the bottom of a pool
What do beer bottles and blondes have in common?
They are both empty from the neck up
What was the first thing the blonde learnt on her first driving lesson?
You can sit upright in cars
Why do blondes where panties?
They make good ankle warmers
What's the difference between bigfoot and an intelligent blonde?
People have claimed to have seen bigfoot
How do you confuse a blonde?
Put her in a circle room and tell her to sit in the corner
How do you tell if a blonde has been using your dishwasher?
It's full of soggy paper plates
How did the blonde try to kill the fish?
Drown it
How did the blonde try and kill the bird?
Threw it off a cliff
What's the difference between a blond and an ironing board?
Sometimes the legs on an ironing board are hard to open!
How do you tell if a blond has been using the PC?
There is white-out on the screen.
plus there is a condom on the joy stick
I knew a blonde that was so stupid that.......
~ she called me to get my phone number.
~she spent 20 minutes looking at the orange juice box because it said "concentrate."
~ she put lipstick on her forehead because she wanted to make up her mind.
~ she tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order.
~ she sent me a fax with a stamp on it.
~ she tried to drown a fish.
~ she thought a quarterback was a refund.
~ she tripped over a cordless phone.
~she took a ruler to bed to see how long she slept.
~she asked for a price check at the Dollar Store.
~she studied for a blood test.
~she thought Meow Mix was a record for cats.
~ when she heard that 90% of all crimes occur around the home, she moved.
~ when she missed the 44 bus, she took the 22 bus twice instead.
~when she took you to the airport and saw a sign that said "Airport Left" she turned around and went home
The Lottery
A broke blonde decides to ask God for help. "Dear Lord," he prays, "if I don't get some cash, I'm gonna lose everything. Please let me win the lottery."
Lottery night comes, but the blonde doesn't win. He prays even harder, saying, "God, why have you forsaken me? My children are starving. Please just let me win this once."
Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light, and the blonde hears God speak.
"Mate, work with me on this," he says. "Buy a ticket."
The Injured Blonde
A blonde walks into a doctor's office and tells the doctor she's broken every single bone in her body. "That's impossible!" says the doctor.
The blonde says, "No, it's really true. Look!" She then touches her leg with her index finger and screams "Ouch!" Then she touches her arm and yells "Eeeeoooow!" Finally she touches her ribs and can barely maintain her composure as the tears start to roll down her face. She says, "See, I told you I broke every bone in my body."
The doctor rubs his chin, then conducts a thorough examination. "Well, miss," he tells her, "I've got some good news and some bad news. The good news is, you haven't broken every bone in your body. The bad news is, you've broken your finger."
The Execution
Three women are about to be executed. One's a brunette, one's a redhead, and one's a blonde. Two guards brings the brunette forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests.
She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."
Suddenly the brunette yells, "earthquake!!"
Everyone is startled and looks around. She manages to escape.
The angry guards then bring the redhead forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests.
She says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."
The redhead then screams, "tornado!!"
Yet again, everyone is startled and looks around. She too escapes execution.
By this point, the blonde had figured out what the others did. The guards bring her forward, and the executioner asks if she has any last requests.
She also says no, and the executioner shouts, "Ready . . . Aim . . ."
The blonde shouts, "fire!!"
Alligator Shoes
A young blonde was on vacation in the depths of Louisiana. She wanted a pair of genuine alligator shoes in the worst way, but was very reluctant to pay the high prices the local vendors were asking.
After becoming very frustrated with the 'no haggle' attitude of one of the shopkeepers, the blonde shouted, 'Maybe I'll just go out and catch my own alligator so I can get a pair of shoes at a reasonable price!'
The shopkeeper said, 'By all means, be my guest. Maybe you'll luck out and catch yourself a big one!'
Determined, the blonde turned and headed for the swamps, set on catching herself an alligator. Later in the day, the shopkeeper is driving home, when he spots the young woman standing waist deep i