What do you think of the introduction to my short, gothic, story?

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MrPritchard

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2:13.
Flashing continuously, constantly, like shallow heartbeats, the room glowing with the painful red light. Each second brought another agonising flood of red. Longing for the flashes to end, and desperate to sink into the cold embrace of familiar darkness.
Time seemed to slow during the early hours. Allowing the majority to sleep softly, blissfully unaware of the pains of the world in which they reside. This majority were ignorant to the world which blooms at night, the real world, a world that can only function beneath a mask of black. This majority were sleeping, content, as they waited for another day to dawn. They would awake as the unknown world of night begins to fade.
 
Too many adjectives = too much detail. I had trouble imaging the fictional setting.
 
Same as the others in a way, good descriptive words, but for an introduction its a bit hard to tell what its about so far, as though this section is really an extract from the middle rather than the beginning. For instance we don't know anything about the 'room', what sort of room or place it is except that its glowing red.

Keep up with it though, I like your word choice, very poetic.
 
I like the description. You have some nice images there, and obviously talent.

However, I only got a rough idea about what you were talking about, and most of this was just pretty words with no real picture or meaning. I used to do this too. If you can put these images into a description that actually makes sense, it will be very excellent!
 
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