What is it with women wanting babies so bad, and complaining?

[Nicer]

Why do so many women want kids so bad?
They seem to have a deep-rooted connection with their unconceived, future child - even from a young age.
I'm really trying to understand that.

It's been my experience that a woman is usually the one trying to convince their partner to have a child. Or at least make very strong attempts to implant the idea.

And at the same time, the act of child-bearing is something they often add to the equation when demonstrating how difficult their lives are.

For example in this section, if you ask what difficulties women have in life, not one will leave out child-bearing.
While I don't think that makes any sense at all because child bearing is a choice. Not a 'must' in life. It also doesn't make sense because of the first paragraph I wrote here.
Then why is child-bearing mentioned here so much, in complaints?

 

[Ashley]

I've known men who have begged their partners to have a child/children. Not every female wants a child.

 

[OutWithABang]

A lot of women don't fit this blanket generalization.

 

[Old'scool]

"It's been my experience that a woman is usually the one trying to convince their partner to have a child. Or "
=================
Not my experience, as a childless woman. I've had four SOs whose dealbreaker was children (having them).

I think it's just a perspective thing. Both men and women want children.


LOL my earliest toy was a chimp named Cheetah (stuffed). I loved Cheetah.

 

[RadicalVaginectomy]

They can't wait to slap child support on you.

 

[Haley]

My husband and I made the choice together that we wanted children, but there are parts of being a mother that he can not choose to do in my place. We want a second child, but I am terrified of a second pregnancy because of how sick I was with the first. So yes, if someone asked, I would complain about being sick nonstop for 12 weeks. It is also important to us to breastfeed and that responsibility also falls soley on me. I don't think it is right to hold it over someone's head that these are the sacrifices we choose to make, but I don't think it is unreasonable to mention them when asked what are some of the difficulties women face in life. I think it would be like asking someone to never complain about any aspect of their job.

 

[StefanieDepefanie]

Honestly?
I think when something is gonna hurt real bad, that makes life a bit difficult. And if I had to list the things that I fear a bit, labor would be one of them. And I enjoy complaining a bit now and then (so sue me).

But wanting kids - I knew this since I was a kid myself, playing with baby dolls. It's just instinct. I don't feel 'complete' without anything or anyone to care for... I know it might possibly not be an option for me to have kids (life circumstance, might or might not change for the better), and TBH I just avoid considering that reality, I really don't want to face it. I dread the very thought much more than the pain of labor. I feel useless if I can't do anything for anyone - and I feel good when I do. That's why when I don't have kids to care for, I'm growing plants and feeding animals and pampering whoever is around me. That's why I like working with kids - it's just doing what feels right. There's a lot of research data to support that doing stuff like gardening helps against depression for many people. I think that's because you're helping things grow, you're seeing progress - that's what fulfilling. Most women, I think, just feel having kids as an inner need, not just as a want or a would-be-nice. It's a strong inner drive. Is it a 'must'? No. But I really don't think I could be as happy with my life if I never had kids.

EDIT: Ian is wrong. In Israeli kibbutz societies, they experimented with giving the boys the girls' toys and vice versa, but the kids didn't want them, they just swapped toys. I remember I was allowed to pick toys from a chest, we just had this big box thing full of toys (I was the youngest) and I would go for the baby dolls myself. You'll see the same with monkeys, by the way - young female monkeys coo over new babies. It's natural.

 

[Fereshte]

What are you talking about? I have no desire for babies. In fact, I don't even LIKE babies. I have no desire to hold a baby when one is around, I don't coo at children when I see them.

Now, show me a puppy and I'm a cooing, "let me hold him" mess.


And you can deny it all you want, but child-bearing is a b*tch. I really don't want to have to go through that. And while it may be a "choice," you'd be surprised how much society puts pressure on individuals to have children. It's simply assumed that everyone will have children someday, and even today childless couples are seen as odd or suffering from a medical difficulty (as opposed to choice). Everyone tells me again and again that "someday you'll want kids," as if the idea of someone actually not wanting children is just a young and naive one. Men, I believe, suffer this same pressure, though more often as they get older.

 

[Ian]

Ask any woman "what was the earliest toy you can remember having as a child ?". 99% will say a doll of some kind. The fault lies with the parents who from almost day 1 start training their daughters to become mothers to produce children who in turn will look after their grandparents in their old age.

Only when that cycle is broken do women start to obtain equality and the nation starts to make real progress in it's development.

 

[Knowthyself]

Well, I don't know what women you're talking to! I think you have a biased sample. I'm female and the idea of having a baby makes me want to throw-up! Not that I think it's wrong for someone to want a baby, but certainly this is not a women- only phenomenon. In fact, so many women in Scandanavia and Japan are abstaining from having children that population is actually reversing itself and going down. They aren't even having enough babies to break even... and it ain't because of the men. There is a negative correlation between years of education and number of babies. As women become more educated, number of babies per woman drops dramatically.
in China and some African countries, having babies is so important to men, they often give away or commit ritual infanticide of female babies.

I think you are a little off. Rethink your rant.

 

[MabelB]

What Fereshete said, almost word for word.

Only with me, its a kitten

 

[Pandora]

I'm with you; have made the same observations and come to the same thoughts about it.
I refer to it as the martyr syndrome.
How awful for kiddies to grow up hearing their birth and care referred to as a burden.


NB: I have three children and they are the highlights of my life so I've never considered childbearing a burden.

Ed: Dear Old Cool, if the pain of childbirth and after effects were such a big deal I wouldn't have chosen to do it twice again. Nobody forced me to have children - any pain and discomfort etc is just part of the deal and if anyone doesn't want/choose to raise their child they can always put the little one up for adoption. Few women are unaware of the negative aspects of childbearing and raising when they choose to have one; I don't expect any medals or sympathy for doing what came naturally.

 

[arlo]

Child-bearing is painful, but it's also in their nature. It makes perfect sense to me. How else would the human race survive if women didn't have the urge to have children? No one would do it because of how painful it is.

It's especially difficult for women in present times, because on the one hand, society tells them they need to have a career instead of kids, and on the other hand, their nature tells them something different.

Women need to stop letting society control them.

 

[Alex]

Well women are particularly adamant about it because we have evolved that way. Unlike men, we have a limited amount of time in which we can get pregnant and give birth safely. These urges are the result of millions of years of positive selection for those traits.


Of course childbearing is a choice.
That doesn't change the fact that when it occurs
(and it MUST for society to continue) it is women who bear it, not men,
and that a man who wants to become a (biological) parent
has no extraordinary physical toll taken on him, unlike a woman who wants the same thing.

 

[KatherineMu]

Be glad your mother had a desire to have a baby. You should be grateful to her.

And about complaining in this section... the fast majority of complaining here is done by men complaining about women. Like you just did.

Finally, going to this section and reading comments made by women is also a choice in life, not a 'must', so why are you complaining about it?