EmmaLouise1
New member
I'm extremely bored... Someone make me laugh.
What is your best joke? Or something really funny?
- Thread starter EmmaLouise1
- Start date
Two hunters are out in the woods when one of them collapses. He doesn't seem to be breathing and his eyes are glazed. The other guy whips out his phone and calls the emergency services. He gasps, "My friend is dead! What can I do?". The operator says "Calm down. I can help. First, let's make sure he's dead." There is a silence, then a shot is heard. Back on the phone, the guy says "OK, now what?"
Have you tried the alcohol diet? It really works! I lost three days last week!
Two blondes walk into a building........ .. you'd think at least one of them would have seen it.
Why doesn't Barbie get pregnant?
Because Ken comes in a different box.
I was walking past the mental hospital the other day, and all the patients were shouting, '13...13....13...13.'
The fence was too high to see over, but I saw a little gap in the planks and looked through to see what was going on.
Some idiot poked me in the eye with a stick.
Then they all started shouting. '14...14...14...14....'
If a stork brings white babies and a blackbird brings black babies what brings no babies?
A good swallow !
A blind man walks into a bar, taps the girl next him, and says, “Hey, wanna hear a blonde joke?”
The girl says back to the blind man, “Look dude, I’m blonde. The man behind me is a 400-pound professional wrestler and he is blonde. The bouncer is blonde. The man sitting over to your left is also blonde. Still wanna tell that blonde joke?”
The blind man is silent for a moment and then says, “Nah, I wouldn’t want to have to explain it four times.”
Don Juan calls work and says, "Hey, boss I not come work today, I really sick. I got headache, stomach ache and my legs hurt. I not come work."
The boss says, "You know Don Juan, I really need you today. When I feel like this I go to my wife and tell her to give me sex. That makes me feel better and I can go to work. You should try that."
Two hours later Don Juan calls again, "Boss, I do what you say and I feel great. I be at work soon. You got nice house."
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.
“Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?”
The blonde said, “How about 50 dollars?”
The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders she would need were in the garage.
The man’s wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, “Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?”
The man replied, “She should. She was standing on the porch.”
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
“You’re finished already?” he asked.
“Yes,” the blonde answered, “and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats.”
Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. “And by the way,” the blonde added, “that’s not a Porch, it’s a Ferrari.”
Have you tried the alcohol diet? It really works! I lost three days last week!
Two blondes walk into a building........ .. you'd think at least one of them would have seen it.
Why doesn't Barbie get pregnant?
Because Ken comes in a different box.
I was walking past the mental hospital the other day, and all the patients were shouting, '13...13....13...13.'
The fence was too high to see over, but I saw a little gap in the planks and looked through to see what was going on.
Some idiot poked me in the eye with a stick.
Then they all started shouting. '14...14...14...14....'
If a stork brings white babies and a blackbird brings black babies what brings no babies?
A good swallow !
A blind man walks into a bar, taps the girl next him, and says, “Hey, wanna hear a blonde joke?”
The girl says back to the blind man, “Look dude, I’m blonde. The man behind me is a 400-pound professional wrestler and he is blonde. The bouncer is blonde. The man sitting over to your left is also blonde. Still wanna tell that blonde joke?”
The blind man is silent for a moment and then says, “Nah, I wouldn’t want to have to explain it four times.”
Don Juan calls work and says, "Hey, boss I not come work today, I really sick. I got headache, stomach ache and my legs hurt. I not come work."
The boss says, "You know Don Juan, I really need you today. When I feel like this I go to my wife and tell her to give me sex. That makes me feel better and I can go to work. You should try that."
Two hours later Don Juan calls again, "Boss, I do what you say and I feel great. I be at work soon. You got nice house."
A blonde, wanting to earn some money, decided to hire herself out as a handyman-type and started canvassing a wealthy neighborhood. She went to the front door of the first house and asked the owner if he had any jobs for her to do.
“Well, you can paint my porch. How much will you charge?”
The blonde said, “How about 50 dollars?”
The man agreed and told her that the paint and ladders she would need were in the garage.
The man’s wife, inside the house, heard the conversation and said to her husband, “Does she realize that the porch goes all the way around the house?”
The man replied, “She should. She was standing on the porch.”
A short time later, the blonde came to the door to collect her money.
“You’re finished already?” he asked.
“Yes,” the blonde answered, “and I had paint left over, so I gave it two coats.”
Impressed, the man reached in his pocket for the $50. “And by the way,” the blonde added, “that’s not a Porch, it’s a Ferrari.”
Lisa
Member
A Bus driver and A doctor are in love with the same woman, The bus driver has to leave for a bus trip for 7 days he gave the woman 7 apples.Why did the doctor give the woman 7 apples.
*********************************************************************************************
He gave her apples to keep the doctor away. supah funny! e.o
*********************************************************************************************
He gave her apples to keep the doctor away. supah funny! e.o
tadpoleInSpace
New member
A man saw an indian lying on the ground with his ear against ground. The man came over and asked the indian, "what do you hear ?" The indian replied "two men, riding wagon, with 2 horses, one black and one white, riding fast to the west." The man was so impress. He said to the indian "you must be a great tracker. You can tell all that from listening to the ground." The indian replied "no, they ran over me little while ago."