...fix that? I have a straight friend who is pretty hot and a good person and yet has repeated problems with men for reasons I am struggling to help her with. I mean I see what is happening but I don't know why or how to suggest she fix or prevent it. (As a lesbian I'm not really that familiar with male psychology.)
Basically, men lose interest in her when things get serious. The only thing she is doing diffferently is not about looks, or personality, but rather that she grows more into relationships as time goes on. I thought that was normal, but apparently her significant others find it a turnoff.
Her present situation, she has a man now who was really nice and great to her, and they got really serious, he bought her a ring, they wanted a baby and got pregnant, he bought a house and they moved in to raise their child and be a family, and only now she is telling me that ever since she got pregnant (even before she started showing, and still now and she is actually thinner now after having the baby than she was before) he became much less interested in her, and she was too embarassed to tell anyone for over a year. At first she thought he was just distracted with the house repairs and work and baby stuff but he is still too tired to show interest in her over a year later. He is a nice guy, a great Dad, but now that she is really in the situation deep, he has checked out emotionally and physically. She has tried ignoring it, developing lots of her own interests and hobbies, talking about it, reduced herself to begging, and even tried threatening to leave on the grounds that she is too desirable to be chasing after someone who has lost interest, but it seems to be too late.
Neither one of them is gay or cheating.
I guess a lot of men once they really have the woman, a complete 180 in interest, often right after getting married. She is really down, and I have NO idea what to suggest to her. I get that men lose interest once they have the conquest, or whatever, so she is supposed to act like she is not interested, and make him chase, but what kind of practical suggestions would that involve? I can't hardly suggest that she make a big show of leaving him when they are settled in family life with a child and a house. She tried threatening to leave but then wondered how will she will afford it with a child, and he actually told her if things didn't work out he would want her to apply to have them take child support from him and he claimed he would provide additional financial assistance to her as well. This guy is pretty tight with money so I guess he could tell she didn't mean it. So I mean at the point where they have a home and a child, how is this woman supposed to offer the "chase" that is apparently required to keep men interested without uprooting her child and disrupting their entire family? Again let me note that she looks great and her personality is fine and has not changed, so the only problem seems to be she is "too available" and that this has made her less appealing to him.
Also I hope people won't start in on how all men aren't like this or women play games too, because whatever other situations might exist don't change the fact is this is a pretty common problem and it is the one I am going to have to find a way to talk to my friend about,
Craig it's kind of hard for me take that seriously since I am not allowed to get married to my loved one. I guess our long-tern relationship is all about sex. Anyway maybe I should have been more explicit- he is not having s*x with her, that's what I meant with the physical part of "emotionally and physically checked out". Also he had given her a ring before they ever did do that. I'm pretty sure a lot of people are in serious, loving, commited relationships that are not just about sex and are still have premarital sex.
Basically, men lose interest in her when things get serious. The only thing she is doing diffferently is not about looks, or personality, but rather that she grows more into relationships as time goes on. I thought that was normal, but apparently her significant others find it a turnoff.
Her present situation, she has a man now who was really nice and great to her, and they got really serious, he bought her a ring, they wanted a baby and got pregnant, he bought a house and they moved in to raise their child and be a family, and only now she is telling me that ever since she got pregnant (even before she started showing, and still now and she is actually thinner now after having the baby than she was before) he became much less interested in her, and she was too embarassed to tell anyone for over a year. At first she thought he was just distracted with the house repairs and work and baby stuff but he is still too tired to show interest in her over a year later. He is a nice guy, a great Dad, but now that she is really in the situation deep, he has checked out emotionally and physically. She has tried ignoring it, developing lots of her own interests and hobbies, talking about it, reduced herself to begging, and even tried threatening to leave on the grounds that she is too desirable to be chasing after someone who has lost interest, but it seems to be too late.
Neither one of them is gay or cheating.
I guess a lot of men once they really have the woman, a complete 180 in interest, often right after getting married. She is really down, and I have NO idea what to suggest to her. I get that men lose interest once they have the conquest, or whatever, so she is supposed to act like she is not interested, and make him chase, but what kind of practical suggestions would that involve? I can't hardly suggest that she make a big show of leaving him when they are settled in family life with a child and a house. She tried threatening to leave but then wondered how will she will afford it with a child, and he actually told her if things didn't work out he would want her to apply to have them take child support from him and he claimed he would provide additional financial assistance to her as well. This guy is pretty tight with money so I guess he could tell she didn't mean it. So I mean at the point where they have a home and a child, how is this woman supposed to offer the "chase" that is apparently required to keep men interested without uprooting her child and disrupting their entire family? Again let me note that she looks great and her personality is fine and has not changed, so the only problem seems to be she is "too available" and that this has made her less appealing to him.
Also I hope people won't start in on how all men aren't like this or women play games too, because whatever other situations might exist don't change the fact is this is a pretty common problem and it is the one I am going to have to find a way to talk to my friend about,
Craig it's kind of hard for me take that seriously since I am not allowed to get married to my loved one. I guess our long-tern relationship is all about sex. Anyway maybe I should have been more explicit- he is not having s*x with her, that's what I meant with the physical part of "emotionally and physically checked out". Also he had given her a ring before they ever did do that. I'm pretty sure a lot of people are in serious, loving, commited relationships that are not just about sex and are still have premarital sex.