a blonde lawyer goes ice fishing, She gets to the ice sits down on the stool She borught and begins to drill a hole in the ice. as She started drilling She heard this booming voice say: THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE..Abit startled, she looks around to see where the voice camme from..she didnt see anyone..she thought to herself, maybe I need to go down the ice a ways and try there. So she moved down the ice a ways , sat down on her stool and started drilling a hole in the ice..again, she hears a booming voice saying:THERE IS NO FISH UNDER THE ICE. startled she looked around and again saw noone. ok,i will just move down the ice aways and try there..so for the third time she moves down the ice, sits down on the stool she brought and began to drill a hole in the ice a third time... before she could get the drill bit on the ice she heard the booming voice again saying: I HAVE TOLD YOU THREE TIMES THAT THERE ARE NO FISH UNDER THE ICE...really aggrevated, she stands up, looks to the heavens and says, is that you God? and the voice says in reply....NO I AM THE ICE RINK MANAGER..DUHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH hope you like it
Q. How can you tell when a Lawyer is lying?A. His lips are moving....Q. What do you call 1,000 lawyers at the bottom of the Ocean?A. A good start.Thanks!
Down South, Bubba called his attorney and asked, "Is it true they're suing the cigarette companies for causing people to get cancer? "Yes, Bubba, sure is true." responded the lawyer. "And now someone is suing the fast food restaurants for making them fat and clogging their arteries with all them burgers and fries, is that true mister lawyer?""Sure is Bubba. But why are you asking?""Cause what I want to know is can I sue Budweiser for all the ugly women I've slept with?"
A blonde is sitting next to a lawyer on the plane. The lawyer, who believes devoutly in stereotypes, looks at the blonde and thinks "Hey, I can get a couple easy dollars from this blonde."He reaches over and wakes up the blonde, who just wanted to sleep. He proposes a game: "Let's play a question-and-answer game. I ask a question, and if you don't know the answer, you give me twenty dollars. Then when you ask me a question and I don't know the answer, you get a thousand dollars. Okay?"The blonde nods. "Alright, I'll start. What is the circumference of the earth?"The blonde pulled twenty dollars out of her purse and gave it to the lawyer. Now it was her turn. "What goes up a hill with three legs and down with ten?" She went back to sleep. The lawyer scratched his head. He Googled, Yahoo'ed, and Ask-Jeeves'd the question, he e-mailed all his friends, and he even asked a passing flight attendant, but he had to admit defeat. He woke up the blonde and gave her a thousand dollars. She went back to sleep. A while passed, and the lawyer woke the blonde up again. "What was the answer?"The blonde gave him twenty dollars. ----An engineer dies and reports to the pearly gates. St. Peter checks his dossier and says, "Ah, you`re an engineer -- you`re in the wrong place."So the engineer reports to the gates of Hell and is let in. Pretty soon, the engineer gets dissatisfied with the level of comfort in hell, and starts designing and building improvements. After a while, they`ve got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and the engineer is a pretty popular guy.One day God calls Satan up on the telephone and asks, "So, how`s it going down there in Hell?" Satan replies, "Hey, things are going great. We`ve got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators, and there`s no telling what this engineer is going to come up with next."God replies, "What??? You`ve got an engineer? That`s a mistake -- he should never have gotten down there; send him up here."Satan says, "No way. I like having an engineer on the staff, and I`m keeping him."God says, "Send him back up here or I`ll sue."Satan laughs and answers, "Yeah, right. And just where are YOU going to get a lawyer?"