why do I laugh & smile when I feel like I am dying inside..?

babyv:t

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i know this may seem like i am whining, but i absolutely hate school, so much, i dont even know why i get up in the morning :(

im a freshman, just moved across the country about 3 months ago (right before school started) and i am so lost :( all the girls here talks sh!t about each other nonstop, and all the younger guys here (my age) look like 6th graders

everyone looks so much younger here!! i am the odd one out (im pretty tall, and i look older) they all make fun of me all the time!

i feel like a freak there. i almost cried today because of how rude and immature they are :(
i am sad all the time. i know im not depressed, i get up everyday, i try so hard and make good grades, (all As and 1 B) and learning DOES NOT come naturally to me at all

but why do i act like everything is okay? why do i laugh when im dying inside? i laugh ALL the time, at things that arent even funny. i am not nervous, just upset...

and i really, really miss home so so much. i had the best friends in the world, they were/are everything to me!! and i was completely in love with this guy and things were happening :( i left it all for this place and i dont click with anyone here except for my amazing family (WHO I LOVE SO MUCH!)
what do i do?? i cant stand it here!

thank you so much to answerers!! (who actually read allll that!)
 
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