I was having a conversation with a coworker of mine who told that all her relationships have always been abusive (verbal and physical sometimes) including the one she's currently in with her husband and kid. It got me thinking why are some women so unlucky like that with men. Is it something about them that attracts those type of men? or just bad luck?
women in abusive relationships?
- Thread starter petit
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Truth is, it has absolutely nothing to do with luck. Most of the time (but there are exceptions) the women that are with abusive men have very low self esteem and not a whole lot of self worth. It could be something in their past that has made them feel less-then. Women who did not grow up with a strong, positive male figure tend to go for these men because they think that they "need" them. They don't feel adequate and they feel unable to run their own lives. These abusive men at first seem amazing. Strong, powerful and above all protective. Which is why the women are drawn to them. Then the misery starts. Where a women that may have had a great up bringing and a lot of self esteem may have just been fooled ( they are the ones that leave the jerks), the others feel so bad about themselves already and the men that they are with are the ones who bring them up and then tear them down. Making the woman feel totally worthless and sure that she wont ever fine anybody else (because that is what he tells her). Its sad, but there's help. You should advise your co worker to seek help to get out of that situation, being that she doesn't only have to worry about herself now but also a child.
Ahhh, you have no idea how long I've been waiting for someone to ask this question so I could FINALLY post the answer to it. Well, here it is.
There are three types of girls out there, girls that think they deserve better, girls that think they can never do any better, and girls that know exactly what they are worthy of rightfully deserving.
Let's go with the first category; girls that think they deserve better, regardless of if they truly do. If a girl turns down a guy who is the "nice, sweet guy" for the biggest douchebag on planet earth, its for a few reasons. 1) She feels that she deserves better, so she wants a challenge 2)she wants to be pampered like a princess 3) she wants her every whim and wish to be granted. And how does this usually happen? By settling with a guy that will do everything for her and give her the red carpet life style. So what does that mean? 1) $$$ 2) guy is dipper in luxury goods (cars, clothes etc), cuz hey, thats bound to rub off on her too-- thus her quality of life goes up too by association. But heres the tricky thing, lets say there are two guys that are equally matched financially, intelligence wise and look wise and everything else that wud matter to her MINUS the fact that one guy is a gentleman and the other is a douchebag, a lot of the time the girl if shes naive will go for the douchebag. Why? Because in her screwed up mind she feels that she is equal to him. She feels more comfortable with a fickle guy picking a girl as fickle as her. She will never tell u that this is the reason but thats what it is. She can't see eye to eye with a guy that is sincere, honest, a gentleman who geniunely knows what he wants.
Second catergory; girls who think they deserve worse. This one cracks my $h!t up. These girls are absolutely, pathetically hilarious. These are the girls that like being abused, cussed at, embarressed in public. What do i mean by like? These are the girls that like to be in that abusive realtionship, and for some reason or another cannot see anything wrong with it despite everyone else seeing that she is the biggest idiot on planet earth, and despite the number of times he cheats on her, hurts her, embarresses her etc she will continue to stay with him and say that "I love him". Despite the plethora of good men that will gladly take care of her. So the million dollar question, why does she feel like that? She doesn't have a proper understanding of her own worth. She feels that the guy shes with is 1) the only guy that will ever come her way so she has to settle with the first thing with a D!ck between its legs 2) she feels that because this guy likes her/liked her that whatever bad is happening now, for sure its cuz she screwed up and she deserves it. So she stays with him because she feels that this is what is normal. 3) they are so unbeliving that they deserve better that when oppurtunity comes knocking at the door telling her, 'heres a golden ticket to paradise" she is wary and doesnt believe it. She stays with whats familiar, instead of taking a leap of faith despite the fact that whats familiar is really abusing her. 4) WHen she finally does realize that she was in an abusive relationship and finally gets out, she feels $h!tty and feels that she deserves even worse than before, hence she finds an even bigger douchebag to get with because again, she feels that "that is what she is worthy of and this is what she deserves". 5) in her mind its like "all this is happening to me because i deserve it" even though its not always the case.
Also, another reason why girls stay with DB's is because they feel that the only way to redeem themselves is to try to change a man, they feel that its the only way for redemption to make them more "worthy". A lot of the time though, for every one thing they can change in a guy, they suffer twenty times more.
Bottom line: A lot of girls are in those stupid relationships where they get abused and disrespected because they dont have enough respect for themselves and theyre so blind to see that they deserve better so they just settle for those douchebags after a few kind words and smiles. Once the abuse starts happening they dont want to get out of the realtionship at that point because they feel that things went sour because of something they did, and they feel that they deserve to be punished for something that they did so they stay in the relationship.
A lot of the other girls that are cocky or arrogant stay with douchebags because they want that "bad girl" status. Not because they want to be abused, but they feel that it makes them look more powerful or stronger by association.
In a way, its sad to see that many girls, because of a moment of pleasure will settle for what appears to be a lifetime for the biggest jerks due to a slight and inherent sense of masochism =/.
Lemme kno if this helped!
There are three types of girls out there, girls that think they deserve better, girls that think they can never do any better, and girls that know exactly what they are worthy of rightfully deserving.
Let's go with the first category; girls that think they deserve better, regardless of if they truly do. If a girl turns down a guy who is the "nice, sweet guy" for the biggest douchebag on planet earth, its for a few reasons. 1) She feels that she deserves better, so she wants a challenge 2)she wants to be pampered like a princess 3) she wants her every whim and wish to be granted. And how does this usually happen? By settling with a guy that will do everything for her and give her the red carpet life style. So what does that mean? 1) $$$ 2) guy is dipper in luxury goods (cars, clothes etc), cuz hey, thats bound to rub off on her too-- thus her quality of life goes up too by association. But heres the tricky thing, lets say there are two guys that are equally matched financially, intelligence wise and look wise and everything else that wud matter to her MINUS the fact that one guy is a gentleman and the other is a douchebag, a lot of the time the girl if shes naive will go for the douchebag. Why? Because in her screwed up mind she feels that she is equal to him. She feels more comfortable with a fickle guy picking a girl as fickle as her. She will never tell u that this is the reason but thats what it is. She can't see eye to eye with a guy that is sincere, honest, a gentleman who geniunely knows what he wants.
Second catergory; girls who think they deserve worse. This one cracks my $h!t up. These girls are absolutely, pathetically hilarious. These are the girls that like being abused, cussed at, embarressed in public. What do i mean by like? These are the girls that like to be in that abusive realtionship, and for some reason or another cannot see anything wrong with it despite everyone else seeing that she is the biggest idiot on planet earth, and despite the number of times he cheats on her, hurts her, embarresses her etc she will continue to stay with him and say that "I love him". Despite the plethora of good men that will gladly take care of her. So the million dollar question, why does she feel like that? She doesn't have a proper understanding of her own worth. She feels that the guy shes with is 1) the only guy that will ever come her way so she has to settle with the first thing with a D!ck between its legs 2) she feels that because this guy likes her/liked her that whatever bad is happening now, for sure its cuz she screwed up and she deserves it. So she stays with him because she feels that this is what is normal. 3) they are so unbeliving that they deserve better that when oppurtunity comes knocking at the door telling her, 'heres a golden ticket to paradise" she is wary and doesnt believe it. She stays with whats familiar, instead of taking a leap of faith despite the fact that whats familiar is really abusing her. 4) WHen she finally does realize that she was in an abusive relationship and finally gets out, she feels $h!tty and feels that she deserves even worse than before, hence she finds an even bigger douchebag to get with because again, she feels that "that is what she is worthy of and this is what she deserves". 5) in her mind its like "all this is happening to me because i deserve it" even though its not always the case.
Also, another reason why girls stay with DB's is because they feel that the only way to redeem themselves is to try to change a man, they feel that its the only way for redemption to make them more "worthy". A lot of the time though, for every one thing they can change in a guy, they suffer twenty times more.
Bottom line: A lot of girls are in those stupid relationships where they get abused and disrespected because they dont have enough respect for themselves and theyre so blind to see that they deserve better so they just settle for those douchebags after a few kind words and smiles. Once the abuse starts happening they dont want to get out of the realtionship at that point because they feel that things went sour because of something they did, and they feel that they deserve to be punished for something that they did so they stay in the relationship.
A lot of the other girls that are cocky or arrogant stay with douchebags because they want that "bad girl" status. Not because they want to be abused, but they feel that it makes them look more powerful or stronger by association.
In a way, its sad to see that many girls, because of a moment of pleasure will settle for what appears to be a lifetime for the biggest jerks due to a slight and inherent sense of masochism =/.
Lemme kno if this helped!
KittyWhiskers1
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- Jul 1, 2010
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Been there done that....That's why I divorced him 
Was soooo nice in the beginning but as time passed...Wham! he turned mean and emotionally and sometimes physically abusive.
It is ok, I have a GREAT Fiance who I know will not turn out like my ex!
Our anniversary of our engagement is this month July 3!
My bad luck is now good luck!
Was soooo nice in the beginning but as time passed...Wham! he turned mean and emotionally and sometimes physically abusive.
It is ok, I have a GREAT Fiance who I know will not turn out like my ex!
Our anniversary of our engagement is this month July 3!
My bad luck is now good luck!
GlendaReece
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- Jul 1, 2010
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Well, it depends really. There are many things you have to go by such as personality, environment , job , relationship.
For example.. If two people are always fighting and arguing, they have a very bad personality clash. By enviornment I mean where each person was baught up agree with different things and act differently. If someone is unhappy with work, they unload the stress on a "friend/bestmate/wife/husband" to get it off their chest as they have to keep it all in at work. and relationship. If this woman is unhappy in every relationship, there is a problem she is unaware of. Maybe she is fed up of being in a relationship or maybe she wants it to work but the other partner doesnt want to. Or if they both want it to work, there is some kind of barrier blocking their communication.
I hope she finds out what it is, this will solve all her problems.
For example.. If two people are always fighting and arguing, they have a very bad personality clash. By enviornment I mean where each person was baught up agree with different things and act differently. If someone is unhappy with work, they unload the stress on a "friend/bestmate/wife/husband" to get it off their chest as they have to keep it all in at work. and relationship. If this woman is unhappy in every relationship, there is a problem she is unaware of. Maybe she is fed up of being in a relationship or maybe she wants it to work but the other partner doesnt want to. Or if they both want it to work, there is some kind of barrier blocking their communication.
I hope she finds out what it is, this will solve all her problems.
I have been in that situation. And I think what happened was that the abusive signs did not start to show until I had already made a commitment. Before that relationship, not a single one of my boyfriends would have dreamed of talking to me the way I was talked to or dared hit me.
It is true that those types of men prey on woman that are set out to please their partner. Those type of women are easier to manipulate. But I think that any independent woman would leave that type of man if he showed signs of abuse early on. You coworker has already made a commitment and has a child with this man. She feels she can not leave.
Once a woman has been physically or emotionally abused, she acts different than other woman. She puts men on a pedestal that most of them don't deserve. She is insecure and normally defers to a man to make decisions.
An abusive man would see this and recognize it as a good woman to be with because he knows that she has already learned the "force" of a man and knows what will happen if she doesn't do things his way. He feels much less guilty that way.
It is true that those types of men prey on woman that are set out to please their partner. Those type of women are easier to manipulate. But I think that any independent woman would leave that type of man if he showed signs of abuse early on. You coworker has already made a commitment and has a child with this man. She feels she can not leave.
Once a woman has been physically or emotionally abused, she acts different than other woman. She puts men on a pedestal that most of them don't deserve. She is insecure and normally defers to a man to make decisions.
An abusive man would see this and recognize it as a good woman to be with because he knows that she has already learned the "force" of a man and knows what will happen if she doesn't do things his way. He feels much less guilty that way.