Break up, heart break and suicidal thoughts. *emotional rant*?

[Corey]

a few days ago maybe a week, my girlfriend of 2 years broke up with me. we were deeply in love, i still am, she was my soul mate, taught me alot about things about life and myself. before i met her i was already planning my suicide, but she swooped in like a ray of light and took my heart and saved my life, if it wasnt for her i would not be here today. she has this amazing ability to make you feel safe and completely loved, i was unable to resist and didnt want to resist, i gave her myself completely and told her everything thats ever happened in my life from being molested for most of my child hood by a family member, to losing a best friend to bad choices and so much more.. she was able to take the pain away. at first she was able to confide in me, she told me things about herself early on, she even wrote poems about how she was always able to feel safe and comfortable around me and tell me anything. but she was always wiser than me, i often felt as though i wasnt good enough for her, she knew more about things in life than i ever could and i tried my best to keep up and learn, but the more she would teach me about things the more i felt unworthy. i felt conflicted, i wanted to be on equal levels with her so id take risks and advise her on things i had no idea about which id be wrong a lot of the time and she would correct me, mostly about spirituality and emotions, shes so amazingly wise when it comes to those things. every time i was corrected i lost a bit of confidence and feared she may have been disappointed, i went a few months without leaning on her so much, but in my fear i became possessive and she lost a lot of friends, i was so stupid, she gave up so much for me, so much of her time, so much of her heart.. a couple months of possessiveness later and she made me see how controlling i had been, slowly over time i became less and less controlling and felt less scared of losing her to a smarter and more worthy guy.. as my confidence dropped and my advice in her time of need become terrible, she lost faith in my ability to make her happy, she wouldnt tell me when she was sad or angry and things started to get worse and worse. we were emotionally detached and we both hated it, deep down we wanted to understand eachother more than anything.. but my confidence was crushed and so was her faith in me. how can someone possibly restore the faith in someone when you have no inner confidence? i didnt know what to do, when she was sad id take leaps of faith and try my best to comfort her, but id always give the wrong advice or say the wrong thing, it would lead into a fight and we would be upset for a long time. even though we fought every couple weeks, we still loved eachother deeply, wrote eachother poems, told jokes, played games, hugged, we were perfect.. except when it came to times of trouble, we would collapse. i wanted to understand her and be able to make her happy more than anything, but every time i opened my mouth id make myself sound SO stupid, shed have to repeat herself over and over which made her angry of course, my confidence was so low id ask stupid questions that i already knew the answer to or were just simply annoying. its like my shattered confidence made me socially retarded around her, i wasnt able to say anything without sounding like a dumb little baby. for example if she was having trouble sleeping, instead of offering her advice on how to get to sleep or do something for her, id say something stupid like "i wish i could make you sleep" how stupid is that??? it makes no damn sense and makes me sound like a 4 year old. no wonder she lost faith in turning to me.. i never used to be like that, i feel like i was too focused on showing her i care i didnt think about what came out of my mouth. she told me that she about a year into our relationship she said she felt lonly with me, we were able to overcome it in the hopes that things would get better.. i know its not my fault that my confidence was destroyed and i wasnt able to be who she needed, but i hated how empty i made her feel.. we repeated this for almost another year, things were really good then went really bad over and over, we both longed for completion with eachother but things were taking its toll.. eventually while talking she was telling me its over, and in my deep love for her and wish for her happiness i asked if we could be friends instead of begging for her to take me back like usual, weve been on talking terms though my heart still aches for her i feel as though shes moving on, i dont know if its just my fear and paranoia, but im horrified at the thought she has found another. i want her to be happy, i wish she was happy with me but i know i need to let her move on.. she deserves the world, she deserves to be complete.

i dont expect anybody to reply, or sympathise, if you wana diss me thats ok, i probably wont be around to read it. just needed to get this off chest. suicide is going through my mind right

 

[Anya]

I'd be curious to know why you had contemplated suicide two years ago, before you met this girl. Was it because of heartbreak or a breakup, or something else? Well, you sound like a decent guy who has a lot to offer. And if it was another relationship that pushed you close to suicide, then you are not realizing that life is about much more than relationships.

A breakup is always hard because you constantly wonder what went wrong, or what you did wrong. I can tell you there is no answer and you did nothing wrong. It all has to do with having just the right chemistry. And you have to realize that when a relationship seems like too much work, or that you have to "try" to make it work, then it's really not a relationship that is worth saving. This relationship didn't work out, but look at what you have learned. You learned to be less controlling or less possessive. So now you take that with you, going forward.

I urge you to think about your life and how much you value relationships as a basis for happiness. Many people think they are not complete unless they have a partner in their life. However, that is not the case as many of us can tell you. Most of us, including those of us who are married, feel that life is about so much more...doing things that you love, having friends, going places, meeting a goal, volunteering, being passionate about your work or school...the list goes on and on.

You will be your most confident and be happiest when you do things for YOU, and not be focused on being the perfect partner or making another person happy. Yes, it is wonderful to be in a relationship or be married, but if YOU are not happy and fulfilled in other ways, your relationships will suffer. Confidence will come to you, and the right person will come too. I hope that these thoughts you have had will be gone. You always think your life is over because a girlfriend (or in my case, a boyfriend) doesn't work out. Well I can tell you that after going through my share of boyfriends, most of them weren't right, and I was upset when we had broke up, but they weren't worth ending my life. You get over them, and it happens sooner than you think. One person leaves your life and another enters. It will be this way throughout your life and I hope you can realize that. People consider suicide because they see no other way out of their troubled lives, but I honestly don't see anything wrong with your life at all; you're just going through a breakup. Life WILL get better, it always does!!

 

[Molly]

A) way to long, i fall asleep in the middle. Borning.
B)you both sound wayyy to young to "be soulmates"
C)you need counsleing.

 

[karina612]

Aw, please PLEASE don't kill yourself!!! Believe me, there are people who love you and it would kill them inside if you committed suicide! My stepbrother killed himself, and you have no idea what it did to my stepdad. Please, suicide is never the answer to life's problems.

I'm married and we've had problems lately. Sometimes I get really discouraged and feel like things would be so much better if I were just dead. Like living just isn't worth it. But you HAVE to keep pressing forward. Yeah, life really sucks sometimes, but it's the trials we have that make us stronger.

Please don't kill yourself. I can guarantee that this girl you love will be devastated if you die. Don't cause her any more heartache than she already has right now. One important thing to know is that people who kill themselves think they are affecting only themselves. But you have no idea how many people it really saddens.

Just keep hanging in there! Life gets better, I promise! Take some time to mourn. As much as you need. Normal life will come back gradually. Good luck.