Can someone correct my Narrative Essay Introduction? 10 points for best =)?

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mFutureFlightAttendantm

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Sarah Palin Rally 2008

As we neared closer to the Verizon Wireless Music Center, I could feel my palms sweating. The traffic was getting heavier, and I was getting restless. As we were directed to a parking spot, tickets and camara in hand, I took a deep breath and stepped out of the car. Little did I know this experience would alter my soul and create a life long role model for me.

How does that sound? A rought Draft is due tomorrow and I'm panicking. I'm not sure what else needs to go into this. Any help would be greatly appreciated.

10 points for best.
 
that sounds so good!!!
ur a much better writer than i am.

can u try to help me with my writing issue?
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=Aq3mdiOc2MoF5k9YPU.pDtjExQt.;_ylv=3?qid=20090210170934AAMVlLo
 
that sounds so good!!!
ur a much better writer than i am.

can u try to help me with my writing issue?
http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index;_ylt=Aq3mdiOc2MoF5k9YPU.pDtjExQt.;_ylv=3?qid=20090210170934AAMVlLo
 
Sarah Palin Rally 2008

As we neared the Verizon Wireless Music Center, I could feel my palms starting to sweat. The traffic was getting heavier, and I was getting restless. We were directed to a parking spot. With tickets and camera in hand, I took a deep breath and stepped out of the car. Little did I know this experience would alter my soul and create a life long role model for me.
 
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