I have a test for school, where I have to write a narrative. I won't tell you the whole story, just an extract of it.
How is the language of this story? What could I do to improve it?
SLAM!
The rusty door slammed shut. I turned the knob but the door wouldn’t budge. I was trapped in a dark, eerie house.
I skulked across the creaky floor in an effort to make as little noise as possible. As I came into the kitchen, I held my nose firmly. A particular stench was spreading through the kitchen. It seemed to come from inside the fridge. Holding my nose, I crept up to the fridge, jerked the door open and gasped.
A purple liquid had spilt from a large bowl. It was oozing across the shelf. The stench was right under my nose now. It was so foul that I began to feel lightheaded, as though I was about to faint.
I slammed the fridge shut and bolted into the living room.
I started climbing upstairs when I found a lever on the wall near the staircase. I tried to pull it down but it wouldn’t budge. I noticed a small key slot next to the lever. I remembered I was still holding had the key I had used to open the house and inserted it in the slot. I pushed the lever down again; this time I jerked it down easily. Nothing happened, so I waited for a few seconds. I was about to continue my way up the stairs when the floor at the bottom of the stairs opened. Before I could move, the staircase turned into a slide and I was sliding down through a dark tunnel.
How is the language of this story? What could I do to improve it?
SLAM!
The rusty door slammed shut. I turned the knob but the door wouldn’t budge. I was trapped in a dark, eerie house.
I skulked across the creaky floor in an effort to make as little noise as possible. As I came into the kitchen, I held my nose firmly. A particular stench was spreading through the kitchen. It seemed to come from inside the fridge. Holding my nose, I crept up to the fridge, jerked the door open and gasped.
A purple liquid had spilt from a large bowl. It was oozing across the shelf. The stench was right under my nose now. It was so foul that I began to feel lightheaded, as though I was about to faint.
I slammed the fridge shut and bolted into the living room.
I started climbing upstairs when I found a lever on the wall near the staircase. I tried to pull it down but it wouldn’t budge. I noticed a small key slot next to the lever. I remembered I was still holding had the key I had used to open the house and inserted it in the slot. I pushed the lever down again; this time I jerked it down easily. Nothing happened, so I waited for a few seconds. I was about to continue my way up the stairs when the floor at the bottom of the stairs opened. Before I could move, the staircase turned into a slide and I was sliding down through a dark tunnel.