Does my introduction makes sense in my persuasive letter to Obama?

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AnnaSkittles

New member
If not, what needs to be change? Sorry, I had to hide my personal info. Also it seems too long for an intro so what sentence can be remove?

Hello. My name is Anna ***** and I'm a 9th grade student in Center for Global Studies at *******************************, ******* ***********. In my World Literature class, we are currently discussing about the crisis in the Darfur region of Sudan which the United States claims it as a genocide due to the numbers of victims being murdered. I'm very stunned to see how numbers of victims are being murdered everyday and many refugees are being dispatched on the internet and News. Most have fled to Chad which is now overflowing. This has been going on since 1994 and something needs to be stop. Therefore I've decided to write a letter to you because you are very supportive with the situation that is taking place. Also one of you goal is to stop the genocide in Darfur and as a president, you've made a promise to us and we hope you can accomplish it. Many historians today shows people the catastrophe and the terrible things that happened then so that people will know what happened and will not deny it. This is somewhat beginning to happen in this Darfur place among many others perhaps unknown!
 
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mle23

New member
you do have some basic grammatical errors, so proof read it for that.
It may seem long for an intro, but it works. I was taught paragraphs are supposed to be 9-12 sentences long, so yours is just fine by me.

I do have to say, however, that I have never heard Obama say anything about Darfur, much less stepping in to stop the massive genocide occurring there.

However, I applaud you for choosing such a little-commented-on topic that so many people choose to ignore.
 
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KidGenius

New member
You really could sum up your letter to Hussein Obama by saying:

Dear President Hussein Obama:

You are not even qualified to be U.S. President as you were born in Kenya, not the U.S. You are the anti-Christ and your only goal is to see this nation fail. During the election, your motto was "Yes We Can". It's time you look in the mirror and ask yourself "Can Obama Resign?"
I think you will find the answer is, YES HE CAN!!!!
 
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