how can I learn to tell when friends are joking?

[Flora]

when friends tease me or ask me questions as jokes, i answer seriously. However, they are just joking. it's really hard for me to tell. I tend to take things to personally. The thing is i really don't like when people tease me about things even if it is a joke. I beat myself up for events so many times after they happen that when friends keep joking about myself, it hurts even more. I think part of it is a small case of social anxiety, i get really nervous to speak when i am in a big group of people, so when my friends are teasing me in front of the big group i clam up and get even more nervous. I am pretty shy, although i really try hard to hide it and speak in front of big groups. How can i realize when friends are joking or not take things so personally? Is there a way i can learn? I have lost friends in the past because of this. My roomate now (im in college) keeps telling me to calm down, when i don't feel like i'm acting very excited. Also, if i can't laugh at myself, i must be a pretty boring person (yes, i do have very low self -esteem, although i try to hide that too)

 

[kate]

The best way to tell if your friends are joking or not, is to "listen" to them. If they sound like they are being sarcastic, that is the best way to know. If they laugh a lot after saying something to you, that is another indication.

Although you say you have low self-esteem, you do not have to put up with people who know that about you and obviously take advantage of it. If your friends are all like this, I would consider making new friends who do not speak that way to you. These people are not going to help you get over your insecurity. You need to be around kind people who will understand that you are shy and know not to tease you in such a way. I was like you as a young person. I had friends like you. I had to literally move away from them to keep my sanity. It was the best thing I ever did. Being around kind and generous people will help you become like them and your shyness will eventually recede. You are not boring, you just need sweet people in your life. Yes, they are out there.