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Okay, so I'm writing a story, and the prophecy was supposed to sound mysterious and edgy, and lead the reader to believe that both dark and light have an equal chance at winning this war. So, here's the prophecy I made up for the story. Thanks!
Man of downfall, man of fire,
Man of evil’s great desire.
He shall grow old he shall grow frail
Though deathly sickness he will prevail
Soul of treachery bound by dark,
In the Kingdom of Athre he leaves his mark.
Jealousy burns alive as he raises his clan
Over many years his reign shall span
Living in darkness behind a wall of fear
But beware, for when he becomes but of his seventeenth year…
Boy of goodness, boy of light,
Boy of neither brawn nor sleight.
He shall stay young he shall stay true
Though great danger he may pursue.
Souls of two he holds inside,
In the Kingdom of Athre this is untried.
Jealousy from others he sees as dread
Over the mountains and to Earth he has fled
Living away from home he has not shed a tear,
But beware, for when he becomes but of his seventeenth year…
One shall fall at the other’s hand,
Drenching in light or dark the sacred land.
The loser drowns in his own demise,
And a world all the winner’s shall arise.
- - -- - -
Okay, so this is the first poem I've ever officially written. How does it sound? Anything I could change? As you've noticed, in the first two stanzas, each of the words that begin each line are identical and need to remain that way and the last word every other line needs to rhyme, but try your best to help me please!
Thank you!
@Annabeth: Thanks! But I had to make one man and one boy to make the man seem stronger. Plus the man is like 50 years old and the boy is 13, so it would only make sense to word it like that. Plus the boy is not experienced (can't use magic, not very strong or cunning) while the man has had his entire life to practice and sharpen his skills. But, to counterbalance that, he grows weak and frail and gets a life-threatening disease, while the boy stays young and true.
@TuRtLeZ: It's true! I really think that the prophecies you wrote for me have deeper meaning than this one, but I decided that this one would be hardest for you to write out of all them and sucked it up
lol
Man of downfall, man of fire,
Man of evil’s great desire.
He shall grow old he shall grow frail
Though deathly sickness he will prevail
Soul of treachery bound by dark,
In the Kingdom of Athre he leaves his mark.
Jealousy burns alive as he raises his clan
Over many years his reign shall span
Living in darkness behind a wall of fear
But beware, for when he becomes but of his seventeenth year…
Boy of goodness, boy of light,
Boy of neither brawn nor sleight.
He shall stay young he shall stay true
Though great danger he may pursue.
Souls of two he holds inside,
In the Kingdom of Athre this is untried.
Jealousy from others he sees as dread
Over the mountains and to Earth he has fled
Living away from home he has not shed a tear,
But beware, for when he becomes but of his seventeenth year…
One shall fall at the other’s hand,
Drenching in light or dark the sacred land.
The loser drowns in his own demise,
And a world all the winner’s shall arise.
- - -- - -
Okay, so this is the first poem I've ever officially written. How does it sound? Anything I could change? As you've noticed, in the first two stanzas, each of the words that begin each line are identical and need to remain that way and the last word every other line needs to rhyme, but try your best to help me please!
Thank you!
@Annabeth: Thanks! But I had to make one man and one boy to make the man seem stronger. Plus the man is like 50 years old and the boy is 13, so it would only make sense to word it like that. Plus the boy is not experienced (can't use magic, not very strong or cunning) while the man has had his entire life to practice and sharpen his skills. But, to counterbalance that, he grows weak and frail and gets a life-threatening disease, while the boy stays young and true.
@TuRtLeZ: It's true! I really think that the prophecies you wrote for me have deeper meaning than this one, but I decided that this one would be hardest for you to write out of all them and sucked it up
lol