how is this poem i just finished it's called (You Say)?

C

classmassgrassss

New member
You say that you had enough,
You say that love is too just.

You say that we're just not equal,
you say that me and you will never be a match,

you said a lot of thing that's a fact,
you say that if i ever want you back,

you say that i must accept what you do,
you say no matter how absurd,
I say, any chance is a chance; just say the word.
 
P

PatrickM

Member
The repetition of " you say " kind of makes the poem dull, I think. you should try using another line starter other than " you say ", it will make the poem more interesting, it's a good concept, I think you should add in sensory details and go into detail about the whole situation, like make it a 1st person sort of view in the poem, with you having a conversation with her, or something like that, that's just my 10 cents. : P
 
M

Mich

Member
hmm..
well there's too much you say in the poem
too much so that it becomes a cliche

however i do like the concept of the poem
cause its true

it is saying that the boy or girl wants another chance with the opposite person and he or she will do anything to be with the person.
they're not equal thats for sure so the underdog is willing to do anything to have the other person.

i dont like that the boy or girl is cruel but it is true

keep working at it!
its looking good! :D
hope it works out!
have a great day!:d
 
M

Mich

Member
hmm..
well there's too much you say in the poem
too much so that it becomes a cliche

however i do like the concept of the poem
cause its true

it is saying that the boy or girl wants another chance with the opposite person and he or she will do anything to be with the person.
they're not equal thats for sure so the underdog is willing to do anything to have the other person.

i dont like that the boy or girl is cruel but it is true

keep working at it!
its looking good! :D
hope it works out!
have a great day!:d
 
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