I don't know if this is a poem or a rant. Can you tell me which?

H

HappyHiram

Member
Titanic Obsession

The HMS Negativity was going down
Struck by the iceberg of addiction
My fellow crewman called me
From the lifeboat of Serenity
"Hurry up, we're about to set off!"
I huddled in the darken doorway
Hesitant to go forward looking back
"If you put half an effort in
you could get into the boat and live!"

I look back, a scared child huddled
His foot trapped under some crap.

"I'll stay here thanks, I have
A few things I have to do."

"I just don't understand it kiddo!"

"You don't have to!" I cried into the wind.
Thanks Dave, yes, darkened.
Landru -- er, I mean Pandora: What did agree to again?

I don't have a first born. Will you take my comic book collection instead?
Sue: the optimist sees all children and all situations as rescuable, hence they do not understand my desire to sympathize with sufferers rather than rescue them. That is why they say "cheer up" "look on the bright side" because they think that cures everything.
Sue: If you got that I am sorry for accusing you of missing it.
 
L

lmvmmmilD

New member
Wow imagine that, negativity a sinking ship. What's with all this fishing and sailing? No one told me there would be ocean voyages today.
 
S

sue

Member
I don't know, maybe it's a self-portrayal, a confessional of sorts, illustrating the choices the writer consciously makes....allowing his foot to stay trapped under some crap, and thus a victim of it....
or doing the work to free it from its wedge in order to move in a different direction.

I think it's key that the other didn't understand the choice, which mattered not to the "kid."
 
T

thecheesewhisperer

New member
maybe you need dashes or something before 'a scared child'. I don't know. I read it the first two times thinking YOU were the scared child. Maybe not dashes...
maybe just say, 'I see a scared child...'
interesting...I don't know if it's a poem, either, but who cares. It's ok.
 
P

PANDORAmmmmmmm

New member
Not sure either...

But I do know that you have already
fallen foul of my terms and conditions...

One more foul and I will have to terminate our agreement...lol

I shall look forward to your ultimate resipiscence HH...
 
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