Is anyone else in debt and struggling horribly financially*depressive rant any

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calovin'

New member
advice/support is welcomed*? I feel like everyone I know around me is doing so much better. Been married 4 1/2 years and we have 2 kids. My husband and I are both 26 years old. I have been staying home with the kids full time and working on finishing my Bachelor's degree part time. My husband has a shitty job right now it does not earn enough to pay the bills. We have $4,000 in credit card debt! We have no retirement, no savings and school and car loans. We can't afford health insurance. I am so depressed right now we have been through so many changes this past year:
-We lost our faith in our religion
-We moved to a different state away from all my family and friends
-Husband had to turn down a great job offer due to the circumstances at the time and now has to work a crappy job that doesn't pay the bills
-We had a new baby a few months ago
Life blows. I hate where we live right now I am visiting my family in my home town with my kids. My husband has to work, so he is not here. I don't want to go back I want to stay with my parent's. My husband is the only thing I have going for me over where we live right now and he is not around much b/c of his job. Our marriage is going through a rough patch I am so depressed and my husband is getting tired of it. I am trying so hard to get out of this depression and I will feel better for a little bit, but then I go back to being depressed. I keep thinking "if only" we had known what we know now we could have done things differently and my husband could have had a good paying job that supported our family.
I wish I were a stronger person. I don't know how much longer I can take this.
@John B- I am able to get financial aid for college, so I don't have to pay anything for it. I have a 3 year old and a 3 month old. If I were to work and put them in childcare all the $ I would earn working would go to pay for the childcare.
We have to use our credit cards to make ends meet we don't earn enough to pay our bills that is why we have $4K in credit card debt right now :(
 
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Ryde_On

New member
What made you decide to have children when you can't afford to support yourselves ?

My advice to you is to think things through before creating any further financial obligations.

Despite 0bama's best attempts I have managed to keep out of debt , keep my house and barely nick my savings .

Not because I am rich or a genius , but because I thought things through and planned ahead .
 
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AppleDay

New member
we are in a similarish situation ..basically its just really crappy and lol yea life does blow .. ill not share our "fun" story b.c you dont need to hear more bad news!

but i do have a few things to share with you ... 1 you guys ARE only 26! dont worry about retirement yet .. you have at least 30-40 yrs of working left lol so you have plenty of time .. since you guys are so stressed and strapped for cash dont add that worry yet ... do keep in mind it will come up some day and when you guys get a bit better financially that's when you say ok we really need to invest in this .. my husband also has a shitty job .. AND he works 10 hrs a day 7 days a week we almost never get to see each other .. it really sucks and hes exhausted all the time from working so hard (so if your husband at least gets a day off think about how lucky you guys are!!)

also do look into govt health insurance .. at least for the kids
im in CT so its called Husky .. we lost our insurance when i was layoff and i was super worried kids needs drs and all that fun jazz and no way can we afford that .. w. the govt insurance we save a ton of money and the kids get good care .. husband and i can be covered for $300 each but we decided just to do the kids and save the $$ for now at least so look into that b.c that's one thing that could be taken off your mind

... life is sometimes really hard and crappy but it DOES get better and trust me it CAN get worse =P and it prob will get a bit worse before it gets better .. just stay working hard .. stay loving your family and stay together! everything works out in the end and you will come out from this stronger .. its easy to read these words right now but not so easy to believe them (trust me i know ive been there and still trying to get out of the debts) .. i learned that the best way to get tru it is to stay positive .. other wise it just stressed out my husband more and then the kids get worried .. with the holidays coming up it adds even more stress .. but your family knows times are hard so dont go over board w. xmas gifts and stuff .. keep it small and simple ... and the good part is at least you are going tru this now while you guys are still young and have more energy if this happened in your 40s think about how much harder it could be .. it will get better just stick with it .. try to make a plan and keep a budget of money and stick to it be strict w. how much you spend .. dont worry about saving for anything right now .. just get yourself stable ..
 
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JohnBe

New member
Let's be honest...he should be the one depressed having to work the "shitty job" while you are at home all day. Depending on how old your kids are you can you know...get a job and pay a day care for them, take them to a pre-K or hire an old fashion reliable and mature baby sitter.

It may have been the wrong time to continue with your Bachelor's without having some funds/resources prepared (under all this financial crisis you choose to pursue a 20-30 thousand on average degree?

As for the depression...it's easy. With a $20 bill you can buy 2 big steaks, a box of Italian organic pasta, some asparagus or veggie as a side, and a bottle of wine. Wait for your husband to come home from work Friday and make this dinner for the two of you, two candles in the middle of the table...you know what I mean. Then after the dinner is ready, a hot bath together, some quality bedroom time after...you get the picture. That should give both of you a boost and help you forget about your financial problems for a while. Plus that better mood and attitude you'll get might bring in some positive results.

And trust me it works...my fiancee and I are very tight with money. As tight as when we look what we have left after we pay for all the bills, food and gas it's under $20 and a week until the next paycheck (this is this month's it's probably the worst). By the way...guess what we did last night??? Uh huh...nice romantic dinner, finished a bottle of red wine.....

Good luck
 
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Hello

Member
I fully understand what you wrote, and believe me, I know how you feel. I am also in a very bad situation, sadly, many things are just simply out of our control, and all we can do is just keep going. Everything comes to an end, and one day our troubles will come to an end, but right now, we are not at the end yet. So do as I do, just do your best and keep moving forward.
 
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bob1

Active member
ARE YOU SERIOUS!!!! Your husband has a "shitty job????" and you are complaining? You lost faith in religion???? $ 4,000 in debt.....Lady I do not know you but you are heading for divorce. In this economy, you should be on your knees THANKING GOD for the Shity Job!!!!!! and a healthy child to bring joy....Why do you wish that he had a better job? WORK TO CONTRIBUTE TO THE HOUSE HOLD!!!!! Your degree can wait and you will have enough money saved up to complete it and you would have cleared the HUGE debt of $ 4000. That is what marriage is...good times and bad times. In bad times the weak say "life blows.. I live in a crappy neighborhood".(Have you heard of tent cities growing everywhere now? You have A ROOF OVER YOUR HEAD. You did not marry Brad Pitt...you married your husband...and Brad Pitt married a fellow mega star....You deserve what you get...NOW GO AND MAKE IT WORK...TELL HIM THAT YOU APPRECIATE WHAT HE IS DOING FOR HIS FAMILY AND YOU ARE PUTTING YOUR DEGREE ON HOLD FOR A WHILE...OR YOU WILL FIND A JOB YOU CAN WORK FROM HOME WHILE WATCHING THE KIDS...BIUT YOU WILL ASSIST WITH THE FINANCES.
 
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SamuelLann

New member
My first thought was that having another baby at this point might have been a bad idea but now i envy you. My wife and i focused on careers first. College then our jobs and after that establishing my business. At this point, we are 35 years old. Between the to of us, our annual take home is about $350,000 and now its too late, my wife cant have children for health reasons. But she could have conceived ten years ago. So, the bills are paid, money is good and she is terribly depressed about not having a family. You can get through this. Keep looking. Opportunities will present themselves. In the meantime, buckle down, reduce household expenses and try to stay patient with each other. (consider relocating near family for them to babysit and provide emotional support, or possibly a smaller town in the south where cost of living is less?) The financial problems can tear a family apart without the patience to stick together through the hard times. Remember that your situation can change in a second when least expected. Things will get better and you`ll have each other to lean on until then. When things seem bleakest, look at your children and remember that THAT is whats most important in life. Not the cool gadgets that the neighbors show off. I was raised poor. Just my mother and me. When i was in high school she worked full time and went to college full time. We had plenty food and a house. I didn't have the best clothes or toys but we were extremely close and that strong bond has stayed with us because we struggled together and recognized how special every little thing was. Looking back i realize how much she must have gone without in order to send me to private school back then and it makes me love her even more. Money can come later with hard work and a good support system at home, and while it is vital, family matters most of all.
 
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Tim

Member
Be calm. Everything will be okay. I've been there - most people have been there. Living far away from family, not having enough money, etc, etc. You will be okay as long as you keep faith in your husband and yourself. You will make it through this rough patch, if you think about it, you have no choice...your 26 with children...I highly doubt yu really want to live with mom and dad again.

Money comes and money goes. It seems like no matter how much a couple makes - it's never enough. I get it. Believe me. When my wife and I first married I made less that 500 bucks a month. That was in 1991. Not really all that long ago. We've been up and down financially - going from nothing to 6 figures back to 5. Right now is one of those times. Starting a new business again. We'll see how it goes. The one thing that keeps me going is knowing that my wife always believes in me. Oh, she gets worried and upset and downright scared sometimes - but she believes in me. I bet your husband is the same way.

Things are hard now for everyone. You will survive this. Don't ever let money, or lack or it, become an emotional issue between you and your husband. He is doing everything he can. He's only 26 - he's just getting started as are you.

Good Luck.
 
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mamatobe7/17/11

New member
It will get better! God will not give you more than you can deal with, it is unfortunate you moved away from family and friends bc they can be a great support system. It may comfort you to know that with the state of the economy that you are far from being alone in your situation. Be thankful for the good things and try to focus on those instead of what you don't have.
 
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