Is this a good story?

[benn1]

Im writing a story set in the mexican revolution of 1912/13 and have difficulty coming up with a believable and not cliched plot. After months of thinking, i came up with this: there are two brothers in thes army who quickly rise through the ranks. Quite a way into the story, brother A begins to feel compasionate go the peasants and disagrees with the things that the army do. Unlike brother B , who is psycopathic and agrees with the army. After a while of helping the revolution, brother A is caught and tortured at the hands of brother B and the army for information. One of brother As friends in the revolution come to free him but finds him dead. The climax of the story is when the capitol is attacked by rebels and brother B and the general are killed. Of course, this is just the plot. There will be dialogue and other events between checkpoint 1&2. I would like to make it compassionate and not just a typical western shoot em up. Also, i have trouble coming up with flowing speech thatcis irrelevant, but is good for character development. Thanks

 

[HeArT]

I don´t know alot about the mexican revolution, but the story plot sounds interesting and seems to have just the right amount of complexity to make it realistic.
However, in order to make the story attractive to readers of all age groups, why not weave in a love drama or something? War stories are great ones for eternal love...
About flowing speech I can´t say much else except that you should first sit down and imagine you are hearing the dialoge, and then writing it down. You don´t always need to put in interruptions like "said B" or "A cried out" in between dialogue-sentences...Letting the reader find out who is actually talking, creates the tension which is so important to such stories.
Also, make sure you know your characters very well before you write. They need to appear real to you. You should be familiar with their ways of handling situations.